Feeling sad today :o(

[hellywelly]

Hi ladies,

Just thought I would share my feelings and also to see if any of you have been going through the same or something similar. First of all forgive me for those ladies currently viewing who have lost their mum etc. (I am so sorry).

Basically here is my story. I am the only daughter to my parents and found out I was pregnant over 3 months ago - I was only 3 weeks pregnant when I found out. Apart from my hubby I couldn't wait to tell my parents, I am married 37 happy etc. and have always said that a baby would be a gift to me and my hubby and that if it were to happen naturally then great (we would have not gone down the IVF route through seeing friends going through heartbreak etc).

So we were all extremely happy that I was pregnant. Myself and my mums relationship has always been very very close but admittedly we have drifted slightly apart since I got married and since my SIL has given my parents two grandchildren (parents look after kids) - this was never really an issue to be honest up until now.

Since finding out that I am pregnant I have often said to my mum it would be lovely for just me and her to go out shopping for a day having a look at baby stuff or to have a mother and daughter pamper day.

She has never said no but never committed to a date in the diary - she always says 'lets wait and see'.

Also I call my mum nearly every day just to see how she is, if I don't ring - she never rings me. In fact hubby told me not to ring her as it was winding me up about her never ringing me - he told me not to ring her until she rang me - I gave in and called her - this was after two weeks of not being in contact - this was never the case before I was pregnant.

So today I called her again just to see how she was - she sounded in good spirits and I suggested a shopping morning this Saturday morning. She said that she hadn't been into weight watchers for at least 3 weeks now and that she wanted to get back into it. I did say to her that since I have been pregnant she has never given me any of her time she said that she will soon, i started to cry on the phone and I said 'you just don't get it' so I hung up. Hubby saw me crying and said to me not to ring her - he said to me he doesn't know what to say but he knows that this isn't right.

All of my friends and people at work have said to me 'I bet your mum can't wait for you to have a bubba' - for those that I don't want to go into detail I just smile and say yes thats right - but for closer friends - I tell them and people just don't know what to say to me as they have always seen me and mum very close.

Hubby has always said to my mum jokingly when are you and my wife going out - he said to me that all mums would want to know how their daughter is - especially pregnant.

Sorry for long story, just upset and was very curious to see if any other pregnant ladies and mothers relationships have changed - xxxx

 

[mumatmadhouse]

I'm sorry that your mum doesn't seem very supportive of you right now hun. I dont have any personal experience to offer you but i do have a suggestion. You obviously don't want to tackle your mum head on over this and i can understand that but its also upsetting you very much and i really think your mum needs to be aware of this if she has any chance of putting it right. Why dont you write your mum a letter and explain that this is a journey that you would love to share with her and that you need her support, pregnancy is a scary time especially first time round. Even if you dont feel you can send the letter after writing it, it may help just to get it out.
I really do hope you can find a way of sorting things out and that she realises you need her right now, don't let this spoil one of the most amazing times of your life though hun.
Hugs and congratulations on the pregnancy!

 

[hellywelly]

thank you mumatmadhouse - I think I will write a letter to her - I was thinking that myself last night - I have hardly had any sleep because of it all - it is not at all like her to be like this I just want my old mum back xxx

 

[heyyady]

helly- is it possible that her "wait and see" attitude is out of concern for you and the pregnancy? I just turned 38 right after my girls were born and my mom was always saying something about my "advanced age" and the risk bracket I was in. :/ When she had me it was UNHEARD OF for a woman to have a baby in their 30's!

 

[Fallen Angel]

Hey Helly, like Hayday says, it might be your mum is concerned for you and doesn't want to share her concern with you and it is easier for her to not be in touch so much than to show you she is worried, for fear of worrying you? If that makes any sense at all. If you've struggled all this way for your pregnancy, she'll know what it means to you and she is possibly waiting for you to get out of the first trimester (if you're not already) or have your first scan to say all is ok - she might not even be aware she is doing this?

From what you've said, about being close before, that's the only logic I can think of babes.

Try and not get upset over it, but I do think you need to address it hunny to understand what is going on.

A letter is a marvellous idea, sometimes when having conversations like this we miss the opportunity to convey exactly what we're wanting to say and get caught up in emotions and things don't come out right.

I hope things get sorted soon babes, keep us posted.


I can share the situation with my mum, but we were never close in the first place and I'm glad she lives 600 miles away at times, but I have two sisters, with six children between them, but I am the oldest by 9 years, I'm now nearly 24 weeks and my mother has called once to find out how I'm doing and that's only after I ranted and raved at my sister, so I'm assuming my sister said something. It is upsettting, but I try and not think about it, because my little Banana and my hubby is number one priority and I have a fabulous mother in law who is very excited about grandchild number one.

What's that sayin, you can choose your friends, but not your family? So relevant in my case.

Anyway, some for you - try and not get too worked up babes, not good for you or baby right now x

 

[seoj]

I'm so sorry hun... I can't imagine what is going on with her to make her act like that? I just hope that she comes around to understand what she is dong to you emotionally. Maybe you need to just confront her and give specifics... maybe she has reason? And maybe asking her why she is behaving different will help iron things out?

Wish I could help more hun... all the best!!!

 

[mumatmadhouse]

hey hun, i hope your on your way to writing that letter. I always write to try and get things across, it means you can get it all out without interuption and the other person has time to reflect before having to respond. I wish you all the best and hope you get your old mum back soon xx

 

[Elski]

No wonder you're feeling down, it must be both upsetting and confusing! Do you think that there's a possibility that your mum is distancing herself from you because she feels sad herself that she won't have that same relationship with you as she did before? Perhaps through her eyes she's anticipating that you'll be so busy with the new baby that you'll 'forget' about her or not have as much time for her, so she's taking a back seat now to almost mentally prepare herself for the rejection that she thinks might happen? As you've mentioned, you're not quite as close as you were since you got married so maybe she's having a little internal panic that you're going to drift even further apart

 

[Cleobaby]

Hi Helly
I'm really sorry to hear that you are upset. You know what, sometimes time is the best remedy. Cool down and assume to have less expectations towards your mum. Maybe it's a matter of adjusting.
I have a great connection with my mum but she lives too far from me to do weekly shopping which kind of bothers me as well.
I'm an Essex girl as weel so give me a shout so we can exchange views about the local stores