Feeling sad :(

[Tarkwa]

Just got back from my 20w scan at the hospital to find out I'm having another boy. I had really hoped for a girl and part of me thought I was having a girl. I'm just feeling very sad right now and hubby doesn't fully understand why I'm so upset (he knew I wanted a girl but all along has said boy, but when he saw how upset I was getting he was saying "oh, I'm sure it's a girl"). I'm just so sad I won't get to buy pretty little dresses and do girly things.

I love my little boy to the end of the world and back but he is such a handful and I just won't be able to cope if this little boy is like that. He won't sit still for 5 seconds and really wears me out, sometimes just mentally from worrying if he is going to hurt himself from his energy.

I know my two little boys will get along like a house on fire but I've never wanted a house full of men/boys. I'm jealous of my friends that have girls now, feeling like I am missing out on something. I just wanted some balance in our family and now we don't have that.

I'm happy but still so sad at the same time. I know I'll come round to it like I did with my first boy but it's hard right now. We're struggling to find names because we'd already chosen our favourite name for number 1! Nothing sounds right with his name or with our surname. If we had a name I'm sure it would be easier but right now nothing jumps out at me. I'm just reading off lists of boys names to my hubby and there's not been one that works. We had a little girls name sorted already and I'm really sad I won't get to use it now.

I know there are plus sides to have same sex children (cost mainly - can reuse everything from my little boy again) but I'm just feeling very low right now.

xxx

 

[motherofboys]

Its ok to feel the way you feel hun. You have to give yourself time to adjust. I'm expecting my 4th boy. As much as I did want a daughter this time, I'm now happy with the idea of a 4th boy. Aside from the bonus of reusing things as you mentioned there is a great bond between my boys. Especially as mine are quite close in age. They are into the same things, have many of the same friends. Its lovely to see.
Also every child is different, don't fall for the idea that a different gender would equal different behaviour. My DS1 was such a good baby and toddler. Now at 7 he has quite an attitude but other than that we don't have many problems with him. DS2 was a huge shock to the system. He was and still is, at age 5, a real handful. And he is exactly like my niece who is 7! DS3 was again a really good baby, and is a cheek mischievous 3 year old, right in the middle of the other 2s behaviour. I have to say that a part of me hopes I don't get a repeat of DS2 in DS4, but I was hoping that whether this one had been a boy or girl.
Your baby will be a different person entirely to your DS so try not to worry on that score. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and I hope you feel better about the idea of 2 little boys soon.

 

[irish_cob]

I could have written your post except exchange boy for girl.

I wish I could say something helpful but I just wanted to say I understand exactly how you are feeling and it all makes absolute sense to me xx

 

[Tarkwa]

It's not helping that my hubby is now telling me to "snap out of it" despite how devastated I am. He doesn't care how I feel and certainly doesn't understand at all. He's just not bothered by anything but little things mean a lot to me. We're very different like that.
I will come round but it will take time.
xxx

 

[MeAndMyShadow]

massive hugs hun xx

 

[MeAndMyShadow]

massive hugs hun xxx

 

[motherofboys]

Its not something you can just snap out off, its a process. Lots of people describe it has having to grieve for the loss of the dream of a particular gender. When you have hopes of one gender over another you picture what a child of that gender will look like, be like, what they will be into, what it will be like raising them. When you discover that isn't going to happen (ever, if its your last child) you need time to let go of the child you imagined and replace them in your mind with the opposite gender.
There will come a time when you wouldn't swap your baby for anyone else and you'll know that thats the child you were supposed to have. Doesn't make it any easier though.

 

[Tarkwa]

I was very sad but am feeling so much better about it now. We had the perfect girls name chosen - it went brilliantly with my son's name. But we're having fun choosing boys names now! I had a few people on a FB mummy site point out all the positives and I know it is for the best and my boy would have chosen a little brother. Thanks for your support xxx

 

[motherofboys]

I'm glad to hear your feeling better. And yes I think he would have chosen a brother himself, even having 2 brothers each, all 3 of my boys wanted another brother this time LOL