Feeling so overwhelmed...

[hippiekinz]

Hello Ladies,

I just had my beautiful baby boy on Dec 12 via schedule c-section. I told my OB I would keep an open mind and try to BF since this is my first child, but if i didn't like it I wanted formula next.

It's been 4 days and a nightmare.

He was latching just fine at the hospital, but once my milk came in that changed. My boobs are already huge to begin with and even though lactation consultants were helping me, I still felt overwhelmed because I couldn't see what they were doing because of my boobs. I expressed that and even when trying on my own, I felt I was doing it wrong. The day of leaving the hospital, yesterday, the lactation consultant did a really good job helping me with getting him just right despite how swollen my boobs got.

Once I was home everything went down hill. I tried to feed him and he just screamed bloody murder. Every single time. My right boob was hurting so badly because the build up was too extreme. My LO had no latching issues at the hospital either. Now as the nipples around have gotten tighter he can't latch. I was giving a manual breast pump and I wish I never used it. It hurt so badly I was crying in tears. I felt horrible. Even for only being a few days and I get it takes time. I just felt horrible my LO was so hungry and here I am having such a hard time.

By this time this morning I was fed up. I just wanted to get formula so I knew my LO was getting something. They already told me he lost more weight then should of, but yet I was BF him like nothing at the hospital. I called the lactation consultant at the hospital in tears. They called me back and had me come in. They had me use a double electric pump which i didn't mind as much. They saw my milk was really coming in and I was happy to see that too. Then she wanted him to latch and there went the screaming fireworks. I felt so upset again. They wanted me to go home with an electric pump and to only use if he doesn't latch, which he still isn't since I've been home. I like the pump in the way it doesn't hurt and feels easier to use then holding my LO to my breasts. I know that sounded horrible, but it honestly is very hard holding him with an 8" stitch from the c-section and being over weight with big boobs and little arms. I really love the fact of just pumping and giving it to him through a bottle. The lactation consultant doesn't want me to do that. They rather I try to get him to latch again, but my boobs are always getting so hard, it makes it hard for him. Plus when he did attempt latch with the lactation consultant today I was in pain.

For right now, whatever I pumped at the lactation consultant was what I fed my LO and then I pumped some more for his next feeding and probably plan on just pumping at his next feeding for the next one type deal.

Don't get me wrong, I understand "breast is best" but if I knew it was going to be like this I would of never done it. Now that I chose this path it seems I'm being judged very hard to want to go down another path, like being judged I'm not religious or don't follow how others want me to. At least I'm trying, but has anyone else felt enough is enough?

I'm just so miserable

 

[Brz04]

I HATED BFing for the first two weeks....it HURT, I was also recovering from a csection and I was plain exhausted. Now my LO is almost two months and starting to daycare soon and I'm trying to figure out ways to KEEP BFing!! It WILL get easier I promise! Then you won't have all the fuss of having to make up bottles for every feed especially at night! Good luck!!

 

[Livebythesea]

I didn't have section but I never ever thought I would make it past the first few days of BFing. But my LO is now almost 5 months and latches no problem. It hurt, the lain, the recovery of delivery plus being so overweight - wow I don't know how we women do it! Plus I gave LO a virus at two months and was relieved somehow that he was getting better stuff from me than formula. I hope you can keep trying with LO and the latching gets easier because I find it much more convenient to breast feed than bottle feed. I have tried it with breast milk when DH had trouble feeding him when I left for a bit in the beginning. I never knew how HARD BFing was, being pregnant, delicious, labor, latching, recovering physically but it is so worth it! Hugs and good luck

 

[cat_reversing]

hey, bf isn't easy so don't beat yourself up about it.
Why not just keep with the pumping and give baby that and when your breasts have calmed down in a few weeks you could try baby direct on the breast again, or if pumping suits you keep with that, there are many people who exclusively pump.
I had a csection too, don't forget you've just had surgery and on top of that your body is going through alot of changes.
Keep going if you can, it will get easier with time, everyone says that but in a few months you'll be saying the same.
check this website https://kellymom.com/bf/concerns/mother/engorgement/

 

[hippiekinz]

Thank you so much ladies

I honestly love pumping now that i've done it a few times today. I just pumped 4 oz of milk between both breasts in 20 mins and loved being able to feed it to my baby with a bottle. That's what I felt I was always missing when he was latching. Just being able to see him enjoy something I produced for him since my boobs are so big and it's hard to see him half the time. I'm going to be a stay at home mother as my husband works so I honestly feel pumping would be the best for me since I'd have the time.

Thanks again

 

[cat_reversing]

do whatever is best for you and your family and don't worry about what other people say, they don't have to go through the discomfort and distress.
As long as baby is getting what he needs, that's all that matters.

 

[Ivory Doll]

This is the one and only thing I hate about breastfeeding, the guilt mothers feel!!
The first few weeks are always tough even now for me at 11 weeks I still question "I am doing this right?!"
Do whatever is best for you and your lil guy guilt free

 

[hippiekinz]

Well the good news is my little guy gained a little weight since pumping yesterday. When he was born (12/12) he weighed 8lbs 6oz and yesterday when I saw the lactation consultant he weighed 7lbs 7oz. Today at his first doctors visit he weighed 7lbs 12oz. So he is going up.

I do have a question. His doctor said usually they want to see baby gaining a half pound a week and I'm wondering how much pumped milk should I be feeding him? I can pump 4oz - 8oz in one sitting. The bottles come in 2.5oz each and I store them in the fridge. I could give him one bottle (2oz) and let him drink until he lets me know he's done. Sometimes it could be the whole 2oz and some times 1.5oz. The hospital gives you a guideline and I'm at the stage to feed him 10-12 times a day. I'm aiming for 10. Does it sound like I'm giving him enough or is it too much?

I'm going back next week on Christmas eve for a follow up appointment to see if he's gaining enough. His doctor who is our family doctor, since she runs a family practice office, told me there's no shame in just pumping. She understood how stressed I was about latching and the pain since my boobs produce so quickly. I don't even have nipples anymore

So hard not to stress

 

[cat_reversing]

feed him as much as he wants whenever he is hungry, he can't overfeed at this age.
His patterns of feeding will change as he grows, he'll have growth spurts where he'll want more and other times where he won't want quite as much. Don't need to limit it, he'll let you know if he doesn't want it.
You can also freeze your milk.
https://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/milkstorage/milkstorage/

 

[Elmo5]

... and the pain since my boobs produce so quickly. I don't even have nipples anymore

The pumping will be the cause of why your breasts continue to be hard. Breastfeeding works on supply and demand, so if your pumping lots then you will be producing lots. In the early days when milk comes in you can expect your breasts to be hard for 24-48 hours, however if left to their own devices with baby just feeding then they soon adapt to supply what is required.

If you do decide to go back to latching if you express a little off before trying to latch on baby it can help.

I have to say after spending a week having to pump when my LO was 8 months old every three hours due to a nursing strike through illness I was exhausted. Hats of to you if you can maintain it.

 

[Hangin_On_AGS]

I hated breast feeding right away also. I have G breasts, my lo was tiny and when someone told me make sure her nose isn't covered it was like yep mhm ok how am i suppose to keep all this boobage out of her face? Her mouth was so small and my nipples were so big she had a hard time latching, however... We finally found the football hold worked and it was the only way I could feed her. She rested on my muffin top and her nose was clear of my breast and she could latch on much easier (don't ask me why but it worked)

 

[hippiekinz]

I hated breast feeding right away also. I have G breasts, my lo was tiny and when someone told me make sure her nose isn't covered it was like yep mhm ok how am i suppose to keep all this boobage out of her face? Her mouth was so small and my nipples were so big she had a hard time latching, however... We finally found the football hold worked and it was the only way I could feed her. She rested on my muffin top and her nose was clear of my breast and she could latch on much easier (don't ask me why but it worked)

I liked the football hold, but once my milk came in it was a nightmare. He still can't latch on and i try. He just ends up crying and pushing away just like before I pumped :\ I tried those nipple shields as well and OUCH!

I'm honestly on my way to thinking I can probably only handle this for a month and be done. I was adopted so I was feed formula and I came out just fine. Anyone can judge me all they like, but at least I can say I tried and it's just not for me.

 

[lisawoop]

I had a really traumatic birth experience, long story short I was put to sleep for my section. The first 10 days I was in tears every time LO needed feeding. When my milk came in after 3 days he couldnt latch and using a pump made me even more engorged. I ended up hand expressing a little every time he needed to feed to 'soften' my breast so he could latch on properly. I was producing too much milk which caused a hind/fore milk imbalance. Instead of alternating each breast for every feed I have to feed for a minimum of 15 minutes on each side to make sure hes getting a good amount of the good milk. This is usually done over the course of 3 seperate feeds. Now on day 15 and things are a lot easier.

 

[Hangin_On_AGS]

I had a really traumatic birth experience, long story short I was put to sleep for my section. The first 10 days I was in tears every time LO needed feeding. When my milk came in after 3 days he couldnt latch and using a pump made me even more engorged. I ended up hand expressing a little every time he needed to feed to 'soften' my breast so he could latch on properly. I was producing too much milk which caused a hind/fore milk imbalance. Instead of alternating each breast for every feed I have to feed for a minimum of 15 minutes on each side to make sure hes getting a good amount of the good milk. This is usually done over the course of 3 seperate feeds. Now on day 15 and things are a lot easier.

^ ditto i forgot to add i had to remove an ounce or two before i fed her and it worked great. I was able to stop doing this at 2-3 months old. Now she is almost 9 months old and we are going strong