Feeling so sad again :-(

[Dezireey]

So sad today *

So, I felt like progress was being made with FOB seeing and getting to know our son. He saw him for the first time a few months ago but never asked to see him again. Anyways, he gets all upset recently as he has nowhere to live because he can't afford rent anymore and because of his bad foot injury cant get a better job and can't afford to move out. He basically said he was homeless. I offer him a place to stay and we agree he can stay in the caravan I have outside. so we plan this for two months. He's looking forward to it as he's getting his act together and also says he's looking forward to staying here. I think 'great, he can't avoid his son now, he'll get attached to him and bond because hes here every day and LO will get his Daddy'.
Well today is the day he was supposed to move in. He comes over, interacts and plays with LO, holds his little hand, watches him a lot etc. He then goes into the caravan and says ' the boiler doesn't work, there's no hot water' i say ' you can shower in the house' but I forget he can't go up and down stairs all the time so this whole thing now is out the window and he left again. Probably won't see him for another 6 months or something. I really felt like there was going to be progress with this and spent weeks looking forward to him being here bonding with LO. Feel so sad today as it was the last chance to get him to do this. he's the type of guy that doesn't realise the reality of a situation unless he's in it and he showed lots of interest in *our son today and the fact he's come over ( I thought) was positive. He even told me to stop getting upset about it as he will try and find somewhere else and he will pop over to help with stuff. I just feel like that's not going to happen. Out of sight for him, out of mind, I reckon. He's just going to move on and forget about both of us, I know it. Feeling sad again.

 

[dustbunny]

So sad today *

So, I felt like progress was being made with FOB seeing and getting to know our son. He saw him for the first time a few months ago but never asked to see him again. Anyways, he gets all upset recently as he has nowhere to live because he can't afford rent anymore and because of his bad foot injury cant get a better job and can't afford to move out. He basically said he was homeless. I offer him a place to stay and we agree he can stay in the caravan I have outside. so we plan this for two months. He's looking forward to it as he's getting his act together and also says he's looking forward to staying here. I think 'great, he can't avoid his son now, he'll get attached to him and bond because hes here every day and LO will get his Daddy'.
Well today is the day he was supposed to move in. He comes over, interacts and plays with LO, holds his little hand, watches him a lot etc. He then goes into the caravan and says ' the boiler doesn't work, there's no hot water' i say ' you can shower in the house' but I forget he can't go up and down stairs all the time so this whole thing now is out the window and he left again. Probably won't see him for another 6 months or something. I really felt like there was going to be progress with this and spent weeks looking forward to him being here bonding with LO. Feel so sad today as it was the last chance to get him to do this. he's the type of guy that doesn't realise the reality of a situation unless he's in it and he showed lots of interest in *our son today and the fact he's come over ( I thought) was positive. He even told me to stop getting upset about it as he will try and find somewhere else and he will pop over to help with stuff. I just feel like that's not going to happen. Out of sight for him, out of mind, I reckon. He's just going to move on and forget about both of us, I know it. Feeling sad again.

-BIG HUGS-

I think you can only try and force someone to interact and play their part for so long before it drains you. You are what is most important to your LO at present, you are the one who is always there and is the reliable one. Maybe you should have a serious word with FOB, tell him that this is the end of the line as far as his indifference is concerned... yes he is unwell at the moment but from a personal standpoint I would crawl out my deathbed if it meant I got to see my LO. If it is a case of out of sight out of mind then it really is his major loss but you can not live waiting around for him to decide to get involved, I think you have to move on from this. I really don't mean to sound harsh at all and please don't take this in a negative fashion towards yourself but it is pointless making yourself ill/upset over someone who doesn't give a f**k.

You are awesome, your LO loves you and at the end of the day that is all that matters.

 

[Dezireey]

Thanks hun

It's so difficult with him sometimes especially seeing him yesterday paying his son so much attention, he held his little hand and kept focusing his attention on him. I just dont get where he is coming from, must be the way he was brought up (brought up by his grandparents, his brother and him were abandoned by both parents). I dont think he understands nor cares about the value of a relationship such as father and son as he doesnt know any better. I can only get on with things and leave him be. It looks like he wants to develop a relationship with him but its just not super keen like he should be. Pah, wait until the day I meet some nice bloke who gives me and my LO 100% attention, he'll suddenly be really keen then, idiot.

 

[whatwillbe]

First of all , how nice of you to give him the time of day in the first place, it's good he's spent some time with lo and maybe it'll make him think now, I hope there not geeing a boiler in the caravan though wasn't just an excuse to leave again, I hope he does start to make an effort now, but if not you can do so much better !

 

[Dezireey]

First of all , how nice of you to give him the time of day in the first place, it's good he's spent some time with lo and maybe it'll make him think now, I hope there not geeing a boiler in the caravan though wasn't just an excuse to leave again, I hope he does start to make an effort now, but if not you can do so much better !

I thought I was crazy at first to do anything for him and I have friends who think I'm nuts for helping someone out who would not be there for me when I needed them. I wasn't brought up that way though and he was desperate so I helped. It's had an effect on him and made him think kindly of me so no shouting and screaming anymore which is better. I think he was all set on coming here and the fact that LO was obviously here didn't bother him and that's positive. Don't know what will happen now. He has told me to stop making a problem where there isn't one ( I said he wouldn't bother coming over now) and says he's coming over to help out with stuff I need doing and to see the baby. Seeing is believing though.

 

[whatwillbe]

Well it just shows your a good person, and it's really good he's wanting to start helping you and see lo, hope this is a clean slate for him to form a relationship with his son, and you can both be on friendly terms, it's horrible having animosity there

 

[Ceejay123]

Owh keep your chin up darling. Your child has you - that's what counts and always will x

 

[teal]

Sending you massive hugs xx

 

[tooyoung]

**HUGS** Remember to take your own advice! You sound like such a sweet and kind person. Offering him a place to live was so nice. You deserve someone who is equally as sweet as you. Try not to be sad