Feeling so terribly low

[Nathyrra]

Hey girls,

I feel like I've been avoiding this place like the plague lately. It's hard. Though I don't really know who to talk to, or what to say.

Two weeks ago, I lost my cat to a terrible disease. He was 6. He was my life. I spent nights crying into his fur at the unfairness of this infertility lark. Thanking the powers that be that I had him to snuggle when I thought there was nothing else. Now he's gone and I feel so terribly, terribly angry with life.

Today I go to my fertility specialist again. Who incidently never has good fekking news for me. Along with a benign tumor removed last month I have bad endo. Which he wants to stick me on a 'menopause' for 3 months for.

I'm just sick to death of all this, I'm always stalling, I'm never getting anywhere. First it's my thyroid, then it's the pcos, then it's a cyst, now it's endo. It doesn't bloody end. Ever. and now life has robbed me of not only my fertility but the only thing that made my life barable from it, my cat.

I'm not coping at all right now, I'm a blubbering mess, and I just want some type of rainbow on the horizon. It's terribly terribly hard.

I'm not sure why I'm typing this here, I guess I needed an outlet somewhere. I'm not sleeping, I'm not eatting, I'm avoiding all my families calls. I feel just lost. I'm scared that this fake menopause is going to make me worse.

 

[kairzh7]

I'm so sorry hun. I don't know what to say, but to let you know you have my support. The temporary menopause may be a good thing for you. It will give your body a chance to fight the endo and you a chance to take a break from TTC and the pressure it causes.

 

[MillieMoo]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this bad! You know that no one minds if you just vent and share your worries with us. We are all here to support each other through these bad times. I'm so sorry about your cat, i know how lost I would be if it was my dogs.

Have you shared your feelings with your OH?

 

[BigFoot1980]

I am really sorry about the loss of your cat.

 

[pasteljay]

Just to say, my heart goes out to you and I hope you feel much better soon and everything sorts itself it, you sound like you deserve a break!!! xxxx

 

[lioness168]

Big . I'm sorry to hear you are going through a really tough time. Feel free to vent as much as you like, we all need to do it and everyone here is great. I know I feel pretty terrible at times and need to let it out. I cannot imagine how I would cope if any of my animals died as they become your support and companions. I am so sorry that you have lost your best friend

 

[bek74]

I am so sorry you have lost your cat, I know the pain all to well of losing a beloved furchild

Taking the menopause drugs maybe the kick start you need. It will help your endo, and give you a chance to take a much need break from TTC and then after the 3mths you will be in a much better state. I know that with the sounds of all you have gone through this feels like another terrible blow, I am sure in your shoes I would feel the same way.
Try to keep your Positive attitude, and just think of the prize (baby) you will one day have. I know it isn't fair, it just stinks, keep your chin up and keep moving forward towards your dream of being a mum.

 

[QueenieMurphy]

Oh honey I'm so sorry about the loss of your cat. I love my fur babies so much and I can understand how heartbroken you must me. I agree with some of the other ladies on here that the 3 month menopause may give you a break from TTC and take all the pressure of it off you for a while.

Good Luck with everything xx

 

[tansey]

So sorry to hear about your cat Life does seem very unfair for lots of us on here and we know how you feel so feel free to vent anytime!
What did the FS say hun?

 

[MrsF]

i'm so so sorry to hear your cat passed away hun, i empathise with you after losing my best friend of 8years, my dog, two months ago. He too was my stable in all this crap and i understand when you say you feel angry. x x x x x

i gave him a wee 'funeral' when i felt a bit stronger, to honour his memory and to remember all that he gave to me in our time together reading your story breaks my heart and i can only hope that things get a bit more easier to deal with as each day comes hun. Dont put pressure on yourself, let yourself feel how you do x x x x x x

thinking of you x x x x

 

[silarose28]

Hi hun

So sorry about your cat - This infertility thing is bad enough and it must be awful for you at the moment!

I have felt really low before and just writing things down and getting support from others has really helped me. I hope we can all help you too. Have you chatted to your oh or do you have family/frieds you can confide in? I know how hard it can be to share with others though so we are all here for you.

Good luck with your treatment xxxxxxx

 

[Nathyrra]

Thanks so much guys.. I feel warm and thankful reading your replies. I don't know what I wanted from writing the post, I just felt I needed to get it out.

I had a Lap last month and they removed all the endo, the menopause is just a preventatory measure. The FS remarked yesterday that I was not looking well, which is unusual for him, so I must be looking like shite right now.

Trouble is, I've been taking a break since June already, since I found out about my cats illness I've been caring for him 24/7. Now he's gone and the doctor is asking me to go on more drugs, in a longer waiting period. I was prepared to NTNP until January as it was, but I really really don't feel emotionally ready to be plowed with more drugs. I feel so powerless in every aspect in my life. I will take the drugs because I don't have much of a choice but I'm very scared this depression I find myself sinking into will get worse with the 'menopause' drugs. Does anyone have experience with them?

My husband has been great, I can't fault him at all. I just miss my best friend. I feel so hollow, and this infertility is suffocating me. We do talk, frequently. Though his man thoughts tend to not completely understand mine.

I'm sorry guys, I'm not making much sense, and I'm sorry for sounding so needy and down. It just all feels like awful timing. Taking a day at a time.

 

[chefamy1122]

Oh hun I am really sorry about the loss of your cat and the bad time you are going thru right now.


what menapause drugs do they want to put you on? I was on a combination of progesterone and premarin years ago to make me have a period, but that is my only experience with them.

 

[Smurfette]

So sorry top hear you're feeling so down lovely. I know there's nothing anyone can say when you're feeling down, but just know that you can vent on here any time. I really hope you start to feel better soon.

xxxxxx

 

[Smurfette]

So sorry to hear you're feeling so down lovely. I know there's nothing anyone can say when you're feeling down, but just know that you can vent on here any time. I really hope you start to feel better soon.

xxxxxx

 

[CurlySue]

Oh my love, I won't say I know how you feel for fear of pissing you off and it all sounding very much an empty phrase - but, I recently lost my cat, too, my thirteen year old cat who was the most beautiful thing ever. And I, too, went to see a specialist and got nothing but bad news. Proved to me that things were far worse than I ever thought they were; that we'd basically been being fobbed off with 'everything is okay' when it so clearly isnt. It's hard. I know that. I know how hard it is to continue when you feel like there's no point, how difficult it is to carry on when you feel like every last thing is against you.

All I can say that if you need to talk, rant, just like we went through a phase of doing not so many months ago, then feel free. Sometimes I feel like I cannot be myself here and its nice to know that, whilst a horrendous to place to be in, I am not alone.