feelings about new baby after loss...

[xobabyhopes]

so i have been trying to explain to my immediate family the feelings i have now since we lost our baby k. my mom has never lost a child nor did she have any pregnancy symptoms with me (no ms,nausea,acheyness etc). in the least mean sounding way possible i tried to explain to her that hubby and i really cant get "super excited" about our new bundle, i dont think she understands that after a loss your innocence is gonnnne. you worry about every twinge, tug and cramp. like right now my uterus is stretching and killing me, plus im bloated and my scrubs are making my belly sore. i freak out every time i feel any RLP because im scared that this one will go to heaven too. my hubby understands as he is cautious with telling anyone at work, family etc. Dont get me wrong i was crying when we got our and i am happy and praying this is our sticky rainbow but i am very very cautious and paranoid.

im hoping im not the only one who is like this, if anyone has any insight please feel free to share

 

[Blue eyes 81]

What you are feeling is completely normal after suffering from a loss.
I felt exactly the same way I was thrilled yet terrified and in a way
did not want to get too attached incase history repeated it self.
I can honestly tell you as you start hitting the pregnancy mile stones.
(12 weeks, 20 wks, v-day ex) The fear will start to subside and you will
be able to enjoy your pregnancy more.
Wishing you a H&H 9 months.

 

[xobabyhopes]

i thought maybe i was super bitter or something but i like your way of looking at hitting the milestones. its just the close we get to 11w the more scared i get, thats when we lost LO. My 13 week us with a healthy baby will be the best thing ever. good luck on the rest of your pregnancy

 

[TXRunnerGirl]

i completely understand how you feel. My hubby and i just found out we are having another baby on Monday. Last year right around the same time (Dec 8th) we found out the baby had stopped growing at 6-7 weeks. I don't have my first us until December 27th and am petrified to go and have the doctor not be able to find the hb. I know it is in God's hands, but i can't help the fact that my hubby and I are so nervous and it interferes with the excitement! Saying lot's of prayers for you and i'm sure everything will be just fine

 

[xobabyhopes]

thank you so much and i'll be keeping you in my prayers too

 

[Bubsta]

What your feeling is completely understandable. I was so down and sad for nearly the first 10-12wks. I was glad we got our BFP, but just couldn't enjoy it. I think it's self preservation. You try to not get too excited 'just in case'. I agree with Blue eyes. As time goes on, you will start to feel better and the nerves and fears will subside. Congratulations on your BFP. This is a new pregnancy and a new baby. This is your time. Xxx

 

[xobabyhopes]

thanks bubsta, i think all of you ladies are right the more time passes the better i'll feel. i hope you have a great rest of your pregnancy

 

[TeddyBearPug]

this is exactly how I have been feeling as well. I just can't get as excited this time and I feel sad. But I like what someone said about getting to the milestones. H&H 9 months to you all!

 

[Kellen]

I miscarried in February and then got my BFP in June. It wasn't until after October that I began to get excited and feel attached to this baby (after the 20 week scan and V-Day). My original due date was Oct 15th. I cried a lot on that day and felt guilty for having a healthy baby inside of me while I was supposed to be giving birth and caring for my first baby. During my 1st trimester I was a complete mess. Every time my stomach would cramp I would be 100% convinced that I was going to loose this baby as well. Thankfully we are well into the 3rd trimester and going strong.

 

[Lulu]

What you are feeling is perfectly normal. Once you have experienced a loss, especially when you don't find out until your ultrasound, does affect any other pregnancy you have, it does steal you of your innocence.

I had a loss in February, discovered I was pregnant again in June, had my 12wk scan on my due date in August (when I discovered I'd miscarried previously) so that was very nerve wracking experience. But here I am at 29 weeks and loving every kick and punch that I feel

You will be fine I'm sure, just take each day as it comes and knock off those milestones one by one.

 

[nicksi27]

Hello i know exactly how you feel. Im approaching my 'scariest time' and everyday is just an anxious wait its horrible i wish i could just fastfoward a month to know now. We lost our DS at 20 weeks (found out at 20wk ultrasound) and he had developed growth restriction caused by an unknown placenta problem anytime between 16-20 weeks. I have my 20week scan booked for 3rd Jan and im not going to be able to enjoy xmas at all for thinking about it. I get sick of people saying 'youve just gotta be positive'. Yes i know i do but its incredibly hard when youve lost a baby, they have no idea. Its such a shame that we cant enjoy our pregnancies like people who havent experienced a loss can.

Hoping that you all get past your milestones and have very H&H pregnancies with your rainbows. x

 

[MumToEva]

Hey Hun, I know how you are feeling. I've miscarried twice, once at 10 weeks and once at 8 weeks, with a healthy though difficult pregnancy in between (bleeding/clotting up to half way, 5lb baby due to IUGR). Eva is now 10 1/2 months, and I worried my entire way through the pregnancy. This time round I don't actually know how far along I am really cause I didn't have a period after the last miscarriage, which is actually helping me not worry so much because I can't compare it exactly to when I miscarried before. I keep waiting for the bleeding to start, but so far it hasn't happened, but I'll not be able to settle myself until after the first scan next week.

I think my attitude has changed a bit now, because I know no amount of worrying made the slightest bit of difference to either the miscarriages or my pregnancy with Eva. Sounds a bit heartless, but I think I've become a bit hardened to things, like I don't allow myself to believe it's really happening until well into the second trimester as it makes it easier for me to deal with if things go wrong. But you are definitely right about it taking away the innocent enjoyment of pregnancy - I envy that in women who have never experienced a loss.

 

[xobabyhopes]

i really do i wish i had that innocence of not worrying about every random thing. like as we speak im having RLP ( thats what my dr said it prob is ) i hate that i always have to worry about "omg is this it? is this baby gone too?" my appt is tomorrow and hopefully me and my momma (hubby cant get off work) get to see or hear a heartbeat.

 

[TXRunnerGirl]

i really do i wish i had that innocence of not worrying about every random thing. like as we speak im having RLP ( thats what my dr said it prob is ) i hate that i always have to worry about "omg is this it? is this baby gone too?" my appt is tomorrow and hopefully me and my momma (hubby cant get off work) get to see or hear a heartbeat.

Good luck tomorrow xobabyhopes!!!!

 

[xobabyhopes]

thanks! we had our appt and we saw a strong little heartbeat and an active little baby. he/she was wigglin around everywhere and streching it legs. the best feeling in the entire world to see that heartbeat

 

[Charlee]

Just thought I would drop by, I had a mc in June 2011 at 11 weeks. I understand how heartbreaking it is and until people have been through it they will never be able to comprehend it. I feel pregnant December 2011 and felt exactly the same as you, I had NO symptoms until I was around 9 weeks and slowly morning sickness crept in. I bought a fetal doppler (£19 Amazon) and heard baby from like 11 weeks and it helped ALOT. But don't worry and try to enjoy it, Message me if you need to chat x

 

[emergRN]

I know exactly how you feel...I had a MC in oct, and found out at my 8 week US that the baby stopped growing and I had an empty sack. It was the saddest thing I've ever seen...

Now that Im pregnant, I DO feel like I've lost my innocence. How can you not worry or be skeptical? Esp. since Ive never carried to term, I'm just not sure how to feel in general, you know?

 

[xobabyhopes]

thanks charlee, your little one is adorable by the way


emergRN i know exactly how you feel, being a worry wart and skeptical is what im best at these days. im ok with waking up everyday nauseous and achey just because i know that it means baby is ok, sounds crazy but its true. i just keep counting down the days until Jan 11, which is our 13 week appt, and we will get to hear that wonderful hearbteat

 

[Sapphire909]

thanks! we had our appt and we saw a strong little heartbeat and an active little baby. he/she was wigglin around everywhere and streching it legs. the best feeling in the entire world to see that heartbeat

Aw, that's great to hear.
When I went for my first ultrasound, I was a bundle of nerves thinking something was wrong, (last Mmc at 18weeks in April), so when I saw little bean moving and kicking, I was so relieved, tears just fell down my face. I still find it difficult to truly enjoy this pregnancy (which is a shame since I have no morning sickness at all) but I am slowly getting there. Every day is another day closer.
Reading the replies on this thread has brought more comfort. What a wonderful bunch of ladies on here!

 

[xobabyhopes]

i know, i dont know what i would do without you ladies most days.
with this pregnancy i am trying to be so positive but somedays i just worry ya know?