Fertility Results, not so good

[jrac]

Apparently I'm normal, no issues... my hubby not so much. Low sperms count. Very. Doctor told us IVF is basically our only option... I'm scared but my husband is worse... He blames himself and has gone within a few hours from normal happy to depressed and hating himself.... and now I'm trying to reassure him and barely able to focus in what I am feeling, which right now is lonely since he won't talk to me. Really could use some advice now... not just on IVF and what to expect, but how to pull him out... anything?

 

[Emmi]

Big hugs to you - it's so hard when infertility is caused by one half of a couple. I don't think that there is a magic wand to make your hubby feel better but tell him that you are in it together and that you will find away.

Also - no matter what doctors say, miracles happen all the time with couples where doctors have said that IVF is the only way - which it might well be for you both but look into your hubby's diet and lifestyle. Does he drink too much alcohol, coffee, have hot baths, eat junk etc???

My hubby's sperm was totally erratic but a whole lifestyle change and supplements has seen it improve by 40%.

So give him lots of hugs and tell him that you love him so very much and that you will both do what you need to in order to have a family. Also - find someone that you can talk to outside your relationship about your fears etc. It will take the pressure of you both as IVF is quite a hard pill to swallow.

We have had one round of IVF and unfortunately it failed but remember -IVF is about hope and offering you an alternative way to have a baby.

Wishing you lots of luck.

x

 

[Myshelsong]

I may be way out there but I think you should let him feel what he is feeling. This is a big deal for him and he may just need a few days of no pressure and no hard feelings and let him feel it.
After that yes, I would try to get him to talk with you about it, let him know that you guys can make a plan to try to naturally increase his count. There have been many studies with different vitamins and diet changes that have proven results to improve his count. Let him know he is not alone, that you guys are in it together and see if he is willing to go on a vitamin regime for the next few months to try to help it out. Take a few months off while his count is improving and just enjoy eachother and try to have fun.

 

[LoveCakes]

I agree he'll need time to come to terms with it in his own time. I know I've struggled a lot with guilt over my PCOS. I was scared he'd end up resenting me and regret our marriage. I'm not saying that's how he feels though!

Hubby is great about it though. One thing that did make a difference was him asking how I'd have felt if it was him and I realised it would make me feel any differently about him.

He might benefit from finding male factor infertility forums where he can relate honestly and anonymously to people in the same situation.

 

[CaliDreaming]

Keep in mind that REs are programmed to refer folks to IVF because although it is expensive, it has a high percentage of success no matter what the fertility problem is. Also keep in mind that male fertility problems are generally out of the field of expertise for an RE. I got a very questionable opinion from my RE on my dh's sperm analysis. So I wouldn't trust what any RE has to say about MFI.

It might be worth it for your hubby to visit a urologist and try out supplements and lifestyle changes for a few months before going the IVF route--unless you two are ready for IVF immediately.