Few problems with my 3 year old

[EmSmith1980]

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this part of the forum, I'm usually in Premature Babies.

I want to ask a few questions about my 3 year old.

In Scotland kids can start school at 4.5. My 3yo (Lennox) is a January birthday so will be slightly over 4.5yo. I've never thought twice about him starting school at this age. He's extremely bright, an excellent talker, can write his name and many other letters, and numbers. He is my 3rd born out of 4. However he can be very hyperactive. He doesn't sit still for longer than 5 mins, even at meal times. He constantly has to be running and jumping off things. He doesn't seem to have much of an attention span either. He talks constantly (although so do I and my oldest two children).

He started nursery at the end of April, and just started back mid august. His group teacher pulled me aside, and asked if I'd thought about deferring Lennox by a year. I asked why she thought I would, and she said "he is VERY withdrawn". This has thrown me into a complete panic. He has never ever been described as withdrawn. I asked how his behaviour otherwise is and she said he's extremely well behaved. (This wasn't the case before the summer hols, I was getting pulled aside because he was so boisterous). I tried to ask more questions to this teacher, but she brushed me off and said "oh we'll talk about it some other time, and I'll give you a leaflet", then walked away.


Has anyone any experience of behaviour like this? It seems like two extremes.

xx

 

[~KACI~]

Sorry i don't have any experience of the behaviour but in my opinion i think it is very early to be talking about deferring a child for there behaviour so early into a term.

If he is withdrawn then surely getting him involved in school is the best thing to do and if there are any problems the school will be the best people to assess him IYKWIM.

You definatly need to get more details from the teacher or the school x

 

[JASMAK]

I would think him being in school would help him. My daughter is very hyperactive...and she has autism. Have you tried taking the MCHAT with him (on the special needs section). Some kids are just naturally hyper...doesn't mean there is anything 'wrong'. x

 

[EmSmith1980]

Thanks JASMAK. I just done that and it came back with LOW RISK. NO CAUSE FOR CONCERN.

I went in to nursery this morning and having a meeting with the teacher at 12noon. I've been awake most of the night worrying about my poor wee boy, so feeling extra sensitive about the situation. We've had a tough year after my youngest being born at 23+6 last october, and worry about the effect this has had on the older 3. Over-come with guilt about it all and feel entirely to blame, but I tried so hard to split myself evenly between home and hospital for 5 months.

Thanks for the replies so far. xx

 

[BradysMum]

I'm surprised the teacher didn't elaborate more, or at least offer to make an appointment straight away. Her concerns can't be too bad if she didn't. At least you have an appointment now. I'm a primary teacher, and if I have a concern about a child I make sure I have an appointment with the parents as soon as possible. I would also wait until I have enough info about them, so like watch them for a week or so, what is different about their behaviour etc. If a kid is having a quiet day, I will talk to them first and see if they have a problem they want to talk about, rather than go straight to the parent.

You certainly shouldn't feel like it is your fault, even though I know we always blame ourselves with any problem! I am sure you have done an amazing job, I can't even imagine how difficult it must have been for you in the past year.

Does he have a new teacher now? My son is a very active and loud little dude but when he is around new people he can be very shy and quiet until he gets used to them.

 

[tallybee]

I hope you can get some sense out of the nursery when you go back in. I agree that it's early to be suggesting deferring in any case and lots of kids are active, it doesn't mean there's anything 'wrong' with them at all... school can actually be beneficial for this.

Please don't feel guilty about how things have happened hon, you're doing your best as all us mummies do, you must have had an incredibly tough time

xx

 

[EmSmith1980]

Yes, he has a new teacher and there are new children starting.

The teacher didn't have much to say to be honest. She said his intelligence is fantastic. But he needs to be led to activities. I said that considering they had been off for 7 weeks on school hols, being in a different room, different teacher and different pupils, he's bound to be slightly wary, she shrugged her shoulders and said "oh well it's your decision". Great help. I need to decide by January if I wish to enroll or defer him. And considering January is 4-5 months away, I'm not worrying in the slightest.

Thank you for all your help. It really is much appreciated. xx

 

[tallybee]

It sounds like the nursery is being really unhelpful to be honest, not nice! Anyway you have time to think about things. IMO it sounds like your son is reacting totally normally to the change, and his energy levels don't sound abnormal either... all the best x

 

[HannahsMummy]

What a strange thing for a teacher to say/do without really having any hard evidence to back it up?

Its totally normal for a kid to be a bit shy on the first couple of weeks back, especially with a new teacher and new kids in his class. Hannah is a very confident little girl but she is always shy and withdrawn when she starts a new class, her teacher said it was perfectly normal and its up to the teachers to do everything they can to make the child feel comfortable and confident again.

 

[Rainie]

With my daughters first pre school they were like this with her as well as she had everything you have described and said she was withdrawn at some moments. When ever we tried to discuss stuff with them we was brushed off in the same manner or "ill arrange a meeting" which never happened even though i prompted every two days as sorry but if something is concerning them with my daughter which i did not see at home id want to know what they saw and what was going on at the time as there may be a underlining reason my child was acting in that way.

My daughter also was described as hyperactive, in everything and extremely busy all the time indoors and out and apparently falls a lot which was nonsense as she is the same at home and rarely falls. So we began to monitor her in the month as could not do anything before then and she ended up with bruises on her legs, 2 head injuries [not massive but still none the less], scratches on her face and had three boxes over a week thrown at her.

I went in completely mental, i was sick of being messed around and fobbed off, i sat on one of those chairs, yeah the kiddy ones i looked STUPID and refused to move. Then they sat down with us in the lounge and i told them i felt my child was neglected and being bullied and they asked why i thought that way. My daughter was waking up night screaming or shouting in her sleep and told them that the ammount of injuries is serious and i was placing a investigation in the pre school.

ONLY THEN did they say to me that my daughter had made friends with a boy, yet the boys other friend who was also male did not like it and had begun to bully my daughter. My daughter refused to say anything when we asked and seemed to be happy going to pre school. So when they said that and said he was the one hurting her i asked why was he allowed at the preschool and not dealt with when he was causing this as i believed her withdrawness at times was due to being scared of what reaction she might get or fear of that kid hurting her.

She was going toilet great then when the scratches happened she was wetting herself in the day and night and i said it was all down to that episode and how they dealt with it.

Since then they have had a investigation, the kid was removed and is having councelling as stuff was going on at home which the preschool should have picked up on and the staff was replaced and constantly are being watched now.

i am not saying the same could be happening but if your child is chatty at home all the time, happy learning and meeting other children and stuff then i would look into why he is withdrawn at the preschool or nursery.

my daughter started school today at 4 and she instantly sat down and answered her name and joined in with the other children and was really good and not worried. yet the preschool said she was scared of new things, couldnt sit still and would disobey.

So they might be hiding something

 

[janicate]

I think there's nothing wrong with your kid. Its naturally to be a hyperactive for little kid. He's kinda like to play and having fun. Just let him do what he wants to do. You see if he's already tired of playing he will rest and quiet. I just asked some parenting advice few minutes ago in the other thread and I've found out similar problems and situations. I hope you will take good care of your kids. Good luck.