Fiance is trying to push back our TTC date :/

[CowgirlBaby]

So I thought him and I finally had this sorted out, he was as excited as I was. We were going to ttc in end of January, early February so we could hopefully have #1 right between our birthdays. We have everything set up, we're getting married soon, he has a great job. I have a part time job right now, and this is part of the problem as to why he is trying to get us to push out ttc date further. We just started our little business. A little at home bakery, I do little functions, birthday parties, bridal showers, baby showers, wedding parties, gaming events, ect. My business is still very little and tiny. I only have like 4 clients. A game store in the city, my best friend who is pregnant with her second and wants me to do her baby shower, a doctor at the hospital I was dealing with when I cracked the 5th metetarsil in my foot, and some of the girls I work with are interested in ordering from me too, and because of the start of my tiny business my fiance (soon to be husband in like 2 weeks) wants to push back our ttc to 2018 or 2019! I told him my business is not very big and by the time Jan comes around it's not going to grow that much, it's not like I'm opening a huge bakery, I can also bake well pregnant that will be no issue.

How can I convince him that we should keep our ttc date? Is he being the rational one in wanting to push it back because of the little business? Or am I being the rational one? Cause the way I look at it, is if we wait the business may get bigger and by 2018 or 2019 it may be too big to take the time off from baking to have a baby. I am just trying to see it from both sides and see what our best option is here. On another note my best friend found out she is having a little girl and I am super jealous because she is a year younger than me, and this is number two. I am not even at number one yet :/ and she is the kind of girl who when we were younger never wanted to be a mom. Where I have wanted to be a mom like all my life. So yeah side note super jealous, but she said I can be the god momma to her daughter too, so time to start shopping for little girl's clothes soon :3

 

[smurphy90]

That's really rough. I'm sorry he's suddenly wanting to postpone so much.

While both sides seem valid, I think (and I might just be biased) that your points are better. As you've said, your business may not be so large that being pregnant/TTC at the beginning of it will be too stressful or time consuming. And not that I don't have faith in your business (I do!) but you don't know where it will be in two years; it could be super busy, making it more stressful to TTC, or you might have found it hard to get running to a full-time gig and so those 2 years would be a bit wasted when you could have been TTC.

I've had to explain to my OH that while I'd prefer to also work part-time, I want to be a SAHM, so getting started soon is important to me as it's my ultimate "career" goal. I don't want to waste that time. It sounds like you're similar in that you want kiddos soon and want to do it before your business gets so big that it's difficult to TTC/be PG while running a business.

I'd say just continue to point out your reasons for wanting to do it sooner, and have valid counterpoints to his concerns. In 3-4 years you could have a toddler ready to begin pre-school and I would find that a much more opportune time to have a full-time, operational business.

Just my two cents.

 

[tkeith8109]

I agree with the poster above. I would rather ttc and have a baby now before the company got off the ground. Also, you need to take into consideration that working full time during pregnancy, while on your feet, is really really hard. I would sit with him, turn off all distractions, and really talk to him. Explain your points and tell him that you want this more than anything. Maybe he will listen. Good luck!

 

[CowgirlBaby]

Thanks guys I will definitely sit down with him and have a talk with him about it.

 

[MindUtopia]

I think whatever you decide, you both have to be fully comfortable with it and on the same page. I would say, I don't necessarily think that starting a business is a reason to delay TTC, as you never know how long it will take you anyway, assuming you feel you'll be able to work while pregnant and you are in a solid enough financial situation already (as in, like, it won't put you at a disadvantage in terms of maternity leave). I was self-employed full-time when I was pregnant and actually it was great. I liked having the flexibility to plan my own days, especially when I wasn't feeling great. My husband also left work to start his own business just after our daughter was born (2 months old) and it's actually been a great decision for us. It meant our income was a little uncertain to start, but we had a much better quality of life and are much more financially secure now because of it. I'm wondering if maybe though there isn't another reason he feels like he needs some more time? Maybe the business is just a way of him trying to say he'd like to wait a little while longer. Do you know what his actual concerns are in terms of starting now versus later?

 

[maryanne1987]

I do see it from both sides. I totally understand that overwhelming urge for a child. I don't think men fully understand how strong that urge is sometimes. Although sometimes (not saying this is the case for you though) it can be one such a big event to a woman that it begins to take over somewhat. Have you been mentioning it a lot lately? Sometimes it can scare a man and push them more in the opposite direction. Obviously I totally understand you would like a clear plan as its so important to you but maybe just leave it a few weeks before the talk. It could just be he's feeling a little nervous and under pressure if it's being mentioned a lot and with the time you were meant to start trying getting so close. Although it's a tough sitituation it really is always best to be on the same page with ttc.

 

[CowgirlBaby]

I actually very rarely bring up the baby thing. Right now there has been a fair amount of stress because our wedding is in two weeks. But he is actually the one that wants a baby more than me, he's been the one that wants to try at a certain time of year, and has been the one bringing up the discussion about babies. I feel like I can handle the baking well being pregnant because as others have said we don't know how long it will take for it to pick up. Right now I have 4 clients and my next event is in November.

But on another note we sat down and have come to a compromise. We will try around the time period we said we would in 2017. If we don't concieve then we wait till the same time of year 2018 and same thing. If we don't have one yet by 2019 then our definitive ttc date is Jan/Feb of 2019, but the compromise is during the period of end of Jan, early feb of 2017 and 2018 we will try, and see what happens. I think that's as good a compromise as things are going to get for the mean time.