Finally caving on medicating DS

[BrittRashel]

Hi everyone! I haven't really posted in this forum before but DS has been diagnosed with severe ADHD, borderline autism and an "unspecified neurological disorder." This has been a battle that we have been struggling with for almost 2 years.

He started showing some precursors when he was 4; lashing out, extreme inattention, trouble keeping his hands to himself, etc. We were waiting until he got older to get an assessment done though. This past school year was difficult, to say the least. Week two of school, he got suspended. I didn't even know that a kindergartener could get suspended. He was put in ISS around 5 times throughout the school year. I had to pick him up from school early about 6 or 7 times. He couldn't go more than a week without getting a bad report from his teacher. We put him in counseling in September of last year. When he turned 6 this past December we went through with the assessment. We got the results back about two months ago. We have tried changes in our parenting, changes in his diet and sticking with stricter routines. Nothing has drastically helped.

DH is still very against medication. I completely understand where he is coming from. He loves DS's personality and is scared that medication will turn him into a zombie kid. However we did say that if we tried everything else, we would at least try medication and we have been assured by his counselor that the psychologist she is recommending does not like to medicate children so he would be very easy on the dosage. Now that it's come time for that though, DH keeps on saying that we haven't tried everything. He thinks we need to try just being stricter on his rules and limits but we have tried that already. He's just stalling. I don't want to go through with it without his support. Especially since I don't want him to feel like I'm pulling a "my kid, my rules." He has been a father to DS since he was 2. DS's biological father is involved but he can be very flaky. He will be consistently there for 3 or 4 months and then just disappear for a few months. DH is DS's dad as far as I'm concerned. At least in the ways that count. So I don't want to undermine his authority. I just don't know how to get him on board and I'm tired of seeing my kid constantly fighting with himself. He wants to behave and he wants to learn but he can't. Not without medical intervention. I've finally accepted that. I just need DH to accept it too.

That came out a lot longer than I expected. Any advise is greatly appreciated.

 

[alibaba24]

Hi. Sorry to hear of your sons struggles. Could you suggest to him doing it on a trial basis

 

[PresqueVu]

oh my word

My kid has had more than a few issues at school too, and with rather a lot of "we've never had to do this before..." reports back from the teachers. I don't know how I'd approach medication if it comes to it, but I fully appreciate how you are feeling when attitudes don't quite match. I've had more than a few occasions where my partner doesn't seem to understand the problem to the same depth or in the same way I do - he comes from a family that doesn't really talk about problems.

So he's worried about the effects changing your child's personality? have you been given the information about side effects and so forth? I guess it's about giving him a safe place to express his fears and be listened to, and vice versa, and try and get there together. Wish I could be more helpful.

 

[BrittRashel]

I like the idea of asking him to at least do it on a trial basis. Maybe if he knows that his opinion still matters and we can take Matt off of it if he has a poor reaction might be reassurance enough. We haven't really looked into the side effects as we haven't seen the psychologist yet so I'm not sure what they would want to put him on.

 

[alibaba24]

It seems like a compromise so he doesn't feel he's being pushed into it. Could also highlight it may have a really positive affect on your sons life and so it's worth a try

 

[Reid]

It's a very difficult situation your in
I don't know if this is something you would maybe consider or look into a specialist school for children with asd and adhd.
We're in the UK and our schools and nursery like this have fantastic resources smaller classes more 1 to 1 time educational psychologist on hand as well as specialist trained staff. On the subject of medication I would say to your OH you would like to make an appointment with the doctor's to discuss all options on medication and after the appointment go and do you're own research together on what they suggested and suggest to him you do have a trial run of it
Good luck xx

Just to add I took my little boy out of mainstream nursery last year we had a terrible time they were phoning every session to go and get him early when he was only there 2 hours 3 days a week
Going to his new nursery has made a huge improvement he's in full days 9-3 not 1 phone call. They stick with 3 members of staff to 6 kids in a room he gets speech therapy there to and most importantly he loves it 😊

 

[annanouska]

we had a very similar battle with our 2 yo random neurological condition awaiting genetics but has epilepsy as a symptom of this. We were given th option to medicat or see if he settled any more. I'd watched my toddler regress into essentially a new born and it was heartbreaking. He was incredibly violent I've scars to prove that and lost all ability to interact.

The side effects of his medicine were frightening, it can make him a zombie at best and produce life threatening reactions at worst. I felt I had little to loose in the basis of how he was already a zombie. We tried it, very reluctantly, and he is now at almost 3 a very different child. He still has issues and difficulties but he has changed soooooo much from his medicine.

If you really feel nothing has helped then you can always try, the dose is likely to be small at the start he may not even need much.

Has he had an EEG? It's interesting evidence to see what's really going on in there. People presume a lot about adhd and asc but many people with these conditions have abnormal brain wave patterns and so,etimes the medicine can be just enough to counteract these a little to improve life xx

 

[BrittRashel]

I hadn't thought about getting him an EEG at this point. It might be worth mentioning to his doctor.

Unfortunately, switching schools is not an option. We live in a small town in Texas. The school isn't as much of a problem. His counselor has classified him as a 504 which requires that he be allotted extra time for his assignments and more one on one time. The main issue is at daycare. There are 3 daycares in our area that didn't have multiple negative incidents on the Texas family protective services website and he's already been kicked out of two of them. The one he's at has mentioned possible kicking him out but the director is very sympathetic as she has a son that had severe ADHD as a child. Sympathy can only go so far though so she has basically said that "something" has to be done or else he will have to go somewhere else. I don't know anyone in the area that I trust with my kid during the day and I make too much for me to stop working, though I would love to.

DH and I talked a bit about it over the weekend and he is more amenable to the idea now. We have decided to wait until DS gets back from his summer visitation at his biological dad's house (he will be there for a month) then we will take him to a psychologist. We had an especially difficult weekend with him so I think that helped DH realize how much better he would do on the medication.

 

[Peanut78]

Sorry hun, I don't have any specific experience with this - but it sounds really tough

Like someone else said I would probably also want to at least trial the medication... Is it also a question of finding the right med's and dosage so as to address the issues without having to many side-effects or wider impacts?

Good luck

 

[MyFavSurprise]

I'm sorry you are having so much trouble with this, I know it's hard enough to find a daycare you like let alone having to keep finding new ones.. I don't have any input on working with a child on this, but I myself have ADD that is part of my Tourette's syndrome. I was diagnosed as a kid and I was put through physical therapy, my parents and I met with psychologists, and eventually I was put on medication..it took a lot of trying different things to figure out what worked best, a lot of them were not right for me, but we finally did find something that worked and it really helped me through a lot of my life. Now as an adult I have adapted to my troubles and no longer need medications, but I'm glad they were there when I did.

My brother also has Aspergers and severe ADHD and it was the same for him, a lot of trial and error to find out what worked best..and some of them did make him lIke a zombie, so they took him off and tried something else...now that he's in high school he only takes his medications during the school year.

I went to a special high school also and saw a lot of kids go through ups and downs trying new medications...but they definitely helped us all gain some control over our feelings and ourselves, I felt like it gave me a little power back toward what was working against me.

Maybe suggest that it's not about changing him but giving him the power to learn to work on things within himself without distraction. ADHD can be very frustrating for everyone, and especially for the one who has it.

Sorry for the long post, hope I helped a little

 

[Shey]

My son has ADHD and HF autism and I don't medicate him. Cause all the medication does is make him aggressive and nasty. If I give him anything I'll give him something homeopathic cause its all natural stuff and not chemicals. So before you medicate do your research on what you plan on putting in your son's mouth. There could be major side effects.

 

[pinkpolkadot]

sounds like you're having a tough time.

Our DD is currently going through the process of ASD diagnosis and of course my mind has been racing ahead to what the future might hold for her especially where school is concerned.

I'm afraid I don't have any experience with meds but can share my experience with school/daycare if that is of any help at all?

She has always been extremely difficult to engage, strong willed, defiant and 'hyper'. Nursery really struggled with her and I think they gave up in the end and let her do what she wanted to a degree. However in September she started preschool and she is doing really well there, the teacher is fantastic and very understanding. She is firm in her expectations but very calm and would never use harsh discipline techniques (which only escalates the situation in DDs case). She makes a great effort to communicate with us and understand why DD might be struggling with doing something. I only wish we could bring her home with us

We have also just finished reading "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene which may be a different approach to try (if not already) if you feel like you have run out of options. We have not really commited to the method yet, but really should as it really seems to work, but obviously all kids are different!

Best of luck whatever you decide to do