Finally discussed my birth plan...

[MeanKitty23]

I wanted to have a natural birth. As natural as I can handle anyway.... My hospital won't allow me to even get out of the bed once I'm admitted! This doesn't even matter if I have an epidural or not. I'm not allowed to walk around to help with the labor, I can't use the shower for the warm water comfort, I have to deliver in the bed and my doctor literally admitted that it was all because people are "sue happy". They're gonna have me on constant fetal monitoring and that's because if something goes wrong, then it can't be blamed on them for not monitoring the baby the whole time. How sad is that?

I told my doctor "Okay, so... once I'm admitted, I'm gonna be stuck in the bed until I deliver, correct?" and he said yes. I asked if I'd be allowed to at least choose my birthing position and he highly suggested I deliver in stirrups, at an inclined position because that's probably going to be most comfortable for me. I said, "Well, what if it's not and I wanna move?" and he said "As long as you stay in the bed, you can do what you feel, but it's going to be difficult to change positions in the bed."

I'm not feeling good about this AT ALL. We have no midwives in this area, so there's no one to come to the house to help me just birth at home.

I just told the doctor "I'll probably just stay home for quite a while unless I just have a ridiculous amount of pain. I don't wanna wait too long and then BAM, there's a baby coming out of me at home, but I don't want to be stuck in a bed at the hospital either." His only response was "I'm sure you'll wanna be at the hospital before you get to the point of delivery."

I feel.... not-so-special.

 

[booflebump]

Why do you need to lie on the bed? What would they do if you chose to stand up? Push you back down on the bed and tie you there? You are allowed to mobilise as you wish during labour - they can't control what you do and do not do - it's up to you what positions you choose to get in to. Even if you do accept the continuous monitoring, that doesn't mean you have to lie down - you can stand up, sit on a birthing ball etc

Giving birth laying on your back is one of the hardest position to push a baby out in - you have to push a baby up a hill for a start. Even if women are in bed, it's still possible to deliver on all fours, on your side, squatting - whatever is most comfortable for you.

 

[MeanKitty23]

yeah the doctor's only reason for me being stuck in the bed is because of that constant monitoring they want to do. He even said "You might want to stay home for at least a couple of hours because as soon as you're admitted you're gonna be strapped in a bed anyway". I'm assuming he didn't literally mean "strapped", but way to go in freakin me out, ya know?

It makes me wonder. If I go to the hospital and end up raising hell with the staff, what's the worst they'll do? They can't kick me out of the hospital in that condition. But.... could they drug me or something to a degree for being uncooperative? Or literally tie me to a bed? I mean... if I ended up having problems getting comfortable just because of their typical procedures, I might as well sue for making my visit uncomfortable.

I'm THINKING, I'm not sure of course but I'm THINKING being on all fours would be most comfortable for me. I've gotten into different positions while I've been pregnant just to see how my body will handle the weight n whatnot. Being on my back just about kills me. It locks up, it hurts like hell. So I'm definitely worried about that being an issue if I don't get an epidural and they want me on my back. Can't do it. Won't do it. I told my doctor that.

I just feel like since he knows this is my first baby, he's probably had a lot of women with similar desires like mine, and they probably didn't stick to them (whether it be because the hospital wouldn't allow it or they decided they couldn't handle the pain) and I feel like he's sort of dismissed me a little. He discussed everything in detail with me, he has a copy of my birth plan on file now, but.... I just feel like it's gonna be a battle.

 

[MindUtopia]

Even if you can't home birth or go to a birthing center, would you think about switching doctors or hospitals to find someone who is more supportive? To be honest, from what I've heard from friends who work in birth in the U.S., it's incredibly difficult to get to birth in any position but on your back in a hospital. Are there any hospitals around you that have birthing pools or any obgyns that advertise more natural approaches? I would seriously think about trying to find one of these because you'll probably find you get a lot more support. I definitely wouldn't feel comfortable giving birth with someone like that attending my birth. Sorry if this is rude, but he sounds like an old school idiot who doesn't know much about birth.

If nothing else, what about hiring a doula? Here's one that's near you. You might still have to deal with some of the hospital crap, but at least you have another person to voice your needs for you and be your advocate.

https://wiregrassdoulaservices.weebly.com/

Lastly, it might seem like a wacky idea, but if you really want an out of hospital birth, AL isn't that far from TN and the Farm Midwifery Center (pretty much where the home birth movement started). I don't know how far you would be willing to drive, but they do take lots of women from outside of TN and you can stay in a cabin on site before your birth to prepare if you come from far away. It might be expensive, but maybe not? It's worth checking out if you really want to be outside of a hospital.

https://www.thefarmmidwives.org/

 

[booflebump]

You do not need to be in bed to be continuously monitored, and you do not need to be continuously monitored

They CANNOT drug you or tie you to the bed for being unco-operative - you have rights and doing any of that would be a serious violation of them - a sure fire way to get sued!!

I really think you need to consider a change of OB's. It doesn't matter that it's your first baby - that does not mean that he knows best about what is going to be right for you. His way is the easiest way for him - not the best, or even right way, so I wouldn't be happy either having a man like that attend my birth

xxx

 

[aliss]

I would rather go unassisted, and I mean that in all seriousness.

 

[MeanKitty23]

My mom said "Well, you could always just do what your aunt did recently and throw the sh*t at them." (Talking about the fetal monitor.... My aunt threw her dialysis thing across the room recently when she was in the hospital because she'd flat out said she didn't want it and they were going to insist she have it anyway).

I know I don't need to be monitored constantly. I mean, for God's sake, if women and babies needed to have someone shoved up their @$$ so much during L&D, we wouldn't have made it this far with the human race.

Back in the day, before we had medicines and hospitals set up just for this event in life, women had to wing it! People argue with me saying "Well, now the chances of having complications isn't as high anymore because of modern medicine." but really? Really? Now we have vacuums to suck out the baby by the head for example. That causes complications in itself.

It's expected to have someone have a problem here and there. It happens. But like I said earlier, if we needed such strict attention during this process, we wouldn't have been able to over-populate the planet so easily.

 

[booflebump]

A lot of times problems occur due to the cascade of interventions .Lots of women successfully birth in birthing centres, at home, or in cars on the way to the hospital with the dads delivering without so much as a sniff of a doctor hovering about them.

 

[aliss]

I know it's probably illegal but I might do some crash midwife shopping in FL or GA and see if a midwife is willing to attend to you - I think you're pretty close to Tallahassee right???

 

[Ceejay123]

They can't FORCE you to be monitored or on a bed. Seriously, just get up! Sign something! Anything. They can't literally strap you down against your will. Else.. Ask for a home birth? x

 

[Lownthwaite]

You do not need to be in bed to be continuously monitored, and you do not need to be continuously monitored

They CANNOT drug you or tie you to the bed for being unco-operative - you have rights and doing any of that would be a serious violation of them - a sure fire way to get sued!!

I really think you need to consider a change of OB's. It doesn't matter that it's your first baby - that does not mean that he knows best about what is going to be right for you. His way is the easiest way for him - not the best, or even right way, so I wouldn't be happy either having a man like that attend my birth

xxx

I agree with Booblebump.

If the doctor wants you on your back on a bed because he's worried about being sued IF something goes wrong then I'd be inclined to remind him that he also can't touch you - or you can sue him for assault! You can be in whatever position you choose when you are in labour. They can't force you to do anything you don't want to and if you need help to get into a position - wheather they like it or not they have to help you as they are bound by a duty of care to you, their patient. I'd remind them of this at your next appointment!

 

[booflebump]

I agree with Booblebump.

Booblebump Sorry, easily amused today!

 

[aliss]

Hey at 22 weeks I'm sure you got some boobles going on by now!!

 

[Lownthwaite]

I agree with Booblebump.

Booblebump Sorry, easily amused today!

Oh my word!

Clearly I have boobs on the brain!!

......................although I actually think you should change your username now

 

[Mom2mmcjg]

Find a different hospital, that one sounds terrible! Why would anyone want to give birth there?

 

[MeanKitty23]

Find a different hospital, that one sounds terrible! Why would anyone want to give birth there?

You'd be surprised how many people I know that have given birth there and don't complain about it. There's only 2 hospitals in the city, so I may look at that second one. One girl, I actually ran into her at my last appointment, is planning on giving birth there because everyone in her family has so far.

I told her I was pissed about having to be stuck in the bed the whole time according to the hospital procedures and she added "Oh yeah, and you can't have anything to eat or drink while you're there either!" .... Like it didn't phase her a bit. I hadn't had that conversation with my doctor about eating and drinking during labor. I was planning on drinking water to stay hydrated and maybe a snack here and there if I'm in the mood to eat, but..... uh.... not allowed to have anything? If that's right, and I told my husband about that tid bit of info I'd heard about, I told him to bring snacks and drinks just so when they tell me I can't have anything, my husband has a stash for me. .... You don't screw with my food intake.

I really don't even want an IV for anything and I know they're gonna put that in when I'm admitted. Only reason I wouldn't be against that is if I wanted IV pain meds without having to wait for someone to put in the IV.

Ladies, I've officially decided just to stay home as long as possible with my husband and bite through the pain as best I can until I feel like I'm about to drop a baby or.... accidentally birth at home.

I'm really overwhelmed. I've looked at the websites that have been offered for help. I really can't afford to pay a midwife to travel here. Sadly. I really can't afford to up and drive somewhere when I go into labor.

I'm scared. I want this process over with and if I go to the hospital and have issues with anybody, I'll literally be the worst patient they've ever had.

 

[liltiger]

I don't know what hospital you have been planning on, but I took interest in your plight and did some research. It seems the Southeast Alabama Medical Center has a birthing center that sounds like a much better option.

https://www.samc.org/index.php/ourservices/womensservices/237-familybirth.html

I don't know if your insurance will cover it, but it must be worth looking into.

 

[MeanKitty23]

I don't know what hospital you have been planning on, but I took interest in your plight and did some research. It seems the Southeast Alabama Medical Center has a birthing center that sounds like a much better option.

https://www.samc.org/index.php/ourservices/womensservices/237-familybirth.html

I don't know if your insurance will cover it, but it must be worth looking into.

My insurance will cover this hospital. I'll look into it this week! I just don't know how my doctor situation will work with it.

 

[MindUtopia]

I don't know what hospital you have been planning on, but I took interest in your plight and did some research. It seems the Southeast Alabama Medical Center has a birthing center that sounds like a much better option.

https://www.samc.org/index.php/ourservices/womensservices/237-familybirth.html

I don't know if your insurance will cover it, but it must be worth looking into.

My insurance will cover this hospital. I'll look into it this week! I just don't know how my doctor situation will work with it.

You can always change doctors. Your doctor sounds like an idiot anyway. I would call that birthing center and ask if they have any doctors they recommend. Also, I really can't stress enough trying to find a doula. Even if you don't have a ton of money to spend, most will work out payment plans or reduced fees and I know, at least here, there is a fund that doulas have set up to pay for the doula services for women who can't afford to hire one.

Also, I agree with others, do what you want during birth and screw anyone who doesn't like it. It is usually hospital guidelines in the U.S. that you are to stay in bed, but they can't stop you. They might hassle you a lot if you want to be active, but write a birth plan and make them aware this is what you plan to do. Sign anything you need to sign to release them from liability. The same with eating, you aren't technically allowed to eat or drink once in labor at most hospitals either, but they can't rip the food out of your hands. It's supposedly in case there is an 'emergency' and they need to put you under general anesthesia. But the chances of that are so rare! Everyone eats and drinks here in the UK and in fact, most midwives recommend it. They aren't going to bring you food, but pack snacks from home (granola bars, dried fruit, things that will give you energy, and maybe some gatorade to keep your fluids up). Just tell them you want to be left alone as much as possible to labor and eat when they aren't around. They might make it difficult for you and be unsupportive, but that's what a doula would be great for. It's her job to tell them to go to hell and leave you alone if those are your wishes.

I would definitely start by checking out that birthing center though, and looking for a new ob/gyn (ask at the birthing center who they recommend). You need someone who, if not shares your philosophy, at least isn't totally against it.

 

[Sarahcake]

I really hope you and your insurance can make something work with the birthing centre that has been suggested here, im a first time mum too and whilst I dont plan on going completely natural, I would still like my basic rights like moving for starters! Your doctor sounds horrific, really hope you can get another one sorted.

Fingers crossed this birthing centre can give you the experience you want, and deserve to have.