Finally found the right place to rant...meh.

[Cingraa]

Hey all!
Not definitely going to be a single mum but in all honesty it's looking more and more likely. It's a really long story and sorry for the epic rant but I've been looking for someone to talk to about this for ages and have just realised they have a forum on here for single parents and stuff so here goes:

Baby's father and I have been really close as friends since we were in preschool...we grew up together, studied together, worked together etc etc and when we fell pregnant with Little Sprout we'd kind of been seeing each other a few months but it was more of an unspoken thing than a huge official relationship.

As soon as I discovered I was pregnant baby's dad was really supportive, so much more than I expected him to be to the point where I was taken aback that he hadn't ran for the hills at the off. We bot agreed that while we were going to see what happened relationship wise for the sake of baby, if it didn't work out we were both still going to be amazing parents and always support each other nomatter what.

Anyhoo, I just don't know what to do with him anymore. At first we'd both been taking it pretty lightly and just trying to get accustomed to the idea of having a baby but now it's getting more and more real and he just seems more and more distant from both me and the baby. At the beginning it all came so easily, he was theorising names, talking about pushchairs and sleeping arrangements, but as soon as he saw baby on the scan, nothing.

I pointed out to him that it stressed me out (and therefore baby) more not knowing what was happening with him than just knowing he didn't want to do this would, and he said he'd just been taken aback by it all and that it'd taken a while to sink in that it was all really happening.

But even now I can feel him distancing again. The last week or so he's not even bothered to contact me unless I contacted him first and when I went for a private scan a few days ago I texted him asking if he wanted me to find out the sex or if e wanted to wait. He didn't reply and so I made the decision alone to find out (based on him telling me at the beginning he wanted to know the sex asap) and met him later that night to be told he didn't want to know anymore.

Last night he came over so we could have a chat and try to spend some time together. All going perfect, we had a laugh, we looked at scan pictures and just generally had a nice evening. Until I mentioned that baby would be here in just under five months, when he quickly gathered his things, got out of bed and said he had to go home as he was going to be waking up early.

He did text to apologise me this afternoon and said that it just hit him that he was going to be a dad and he panicked. I texted him back saying it was ok and that I wanted him to know I'm scared too but that I wanted us to be able to lean on each other. No reply.

I just don't know what to think. Whenever I pull him up on it he says he wants to be there for me and the baby, but I just don't think he's bonding with her at all. I don't want to pressure him into anything but all this not knowing what's going to happen is getting me down, if nothing else I just want my baby to be secure and not to have a dad who's always coming and going from her life.

ARGH, MEN. :/ Sorry again for the jumbled rant all...just wanted to get the stress out on here rather than cry again and upset sprout. xx

 

[BadassMom]

It sounds like when he saw the scan the pregnancy really became "real" to him, and now he's scared shitless. No one can tell the future. He might get used to the idea and be back to being supportive or he might become more and more distant. The only thing you can really do for now is make your own plans and concentrate on Little Sprout. Maybe you should back off on contacting him for awhile and see if he contacts you?