Finally got my 'single parent' hat on!

[Dopeyjopey]

Hi girls

Just wanted to drop by and say hi to everyone properly and ask for a bit of advice...

I split from my partner a few months ago and am currently 34 weeks pregnant. At first I was still expecting the ex to be supportive but he's going through his own problems so I have finally decided that I have to look at it that he doesn't exist and then anything he does contribute is a bonus!

What I wanted to know is... is it difficult being on your own or is it nice to be able to make all the decisions? I'm not very good on my own so have moved in with my Mum but want to know that I can still have a bit of a life and not JUST be Mummy. Is it difficult to find a new partner? (Not that I'm thinking of that for a while yet!)

I don't have that many friends, as most of them are also friends with the ex and it's just quite difficult. Any tips for meeting other single parents?

Sorry to ask so many questions, but it is so daunting!

 

[MissEfendi]

There are pros and cons to being a single mum such as no break, no one to share the milestones with, no one to hold the baby whilst you have a nice soak in the bath, or to make you a cuppa, no one to help with housework, shopping and so on, but I would not change it for the world. My son is the most wonderful thing ever, I would take all the hardship and then some more simply because it means I get to have him in my life.

There are pros and cons to marriages also, people tends to moan about their partners so either as a single mum or as one half of a couple, there is always going to be good and bad points!

 

[Dopeyjopey]

Thank you for your honesty!

I'll be living with Mum for the foreseeable future as I can't live alone due to some mental health issues so hopefully she'll be able to help out occasionally. Unfortunately the pregnancy so far hasn't gotten me that excited because there has been so much going on but I'm hoping once he or she gets here it will all feel real and I'll be able to experience the joy I've missed out on so far.

x

 

[MissEfendi]

Its a shame we have to rely on family when the father is supposed to be up half the night also, letting us have a break and so on. I do not moan about it though because I love my boy so much so nothing is too much hassle even if sometimes at night I say to him " Please sleep so mummy can have a rest"
Just remember you are human, and whenever you are getting stressed, feel like shouting or cannot cope, put baby in the cot, and go and have a cup of tea, calm yourself down and go back to baby.
I have read so many stories on my birth group of mums ( usually married ones as well for some reason!?) shouting or snapping at their babies because of lack of sleep. I have never done this and would never do this, babies ARE totally helpless and totally dependant on us. We do not have babies so we can get a sleep, look lovely, feel well rested etc, babies are hard work when you are married, or have a partner, they are triple hard work when you are a single mum if with family helping out now and again, so do expect this and as I said, better to leave baby crying in cot whilst you calm down then losing the plot.

Do not expect to be supermum, and try and do everything at once. A good day to me is being able to get us all up and out of the house every day, a bad day is not being able to get out of the house! Things like housework, having time to paint your nails, look good etc, is something only celebs can do! ( or if you are one of those lucky ones whose baby sleeps all the time!).

My pregnancy was so so stressful also as I had the ex causing me so many problems and then I had problems with the baby, it will only become real when baby is in your arms and you realise that you are all the baby has in the whole world wide and that you will be responsible for ensuring that this baby has the best start in life and to ensure baby is happy, loved and safe.

 

[Dopeyjopey]

I've never been one for pampering myself so I won't miss that much

Do you go to any Mums and Tots type things that are helpful at all?

x

 

[MissEfendi]

To be honest when they are so young it is bloody hard getting out to all these groups, especially if you have a baby like mine who would always vomit or poo just as we are about to walk out of the door. Plus when they are young they do not do much, just sleep and cry for a feed and to be winded, so I didn't go to any groups and I did not feel I would benefit, plus I was not too bothered about meeting up with mums for company because I was so tired and just wanted to make the most of my son being a baby but now he is older, and he is curious and interested in the world ( he is nearly 8 months) it is more fun going out and I have met up with some mums and it is has been more fun, as you can take them park, put them on the floor with toys and the other babies and they will amuse themselves whilst you chat to other mums.
Netmums is pretty good for meeting local mums, whereas I find just going to random groups can be hard if you are shy or if the mums already have a little clique group. But if you are the friendly type you will make friends regardless.

Ahh I do not pamper either, the shaving the legs every other day has become once a week, so has the hair washing. And I try and remember to pluck my eyebrows when I can!
As for the clothes? wearing clothes that does not have vomit on it is usually me making an effort!
I am not aiming to be a yummy mummy, just a good mummy!
you will be fine! x