finally made some progress

[SophiasMummy]

Ok so im always going on about the fact FOB has been ignoring me since LO was 7 mnths old, well I text him this morning asking if hes going to come see sophia for her birthday and he finally answered me saying yeh he wants to come see her, its going to be a bit awkward as sophias having a party with her baby friends and obviously all my mummy friends though I did warn him that shes having a party and he said he is still going to come down on her birthday which is fine. But im having a bit of a dilemma I know me and him really need to talk about everything espcially the fact that he refused to see her for so long and I want to know why, but I feel like I will be ambushing him by doing it, im wondering if I should just leave it, but I also know this could be my only chance to get him to talk to me and tell me whats wrong. What does everyone think should I talk to him or not?? We are both quite bad at talking to eachother about anything important but really feel like I need to clear the air as I know most of his hostility is my fault x

 

[dustbunny]

I don't understand, from what has been posted, how him not seeing LO since 7 months is your fault? If he really really reeeaaallllyyy wanted to surely he would have made the effort? Or why didn't he ask/say he was coming down for her birthday before you asked? Maybe it would be best to talk about it all prior to him coming down on her birthday? As her birthday is a special day for all involved and it would seem pointless to tar it with an argument. Just from a personal point of view if I was in the situation you are I would want it all sorted beforehand. Hope that helps

 

[SophiasMummy]

I don't understand, from what has been posted, how him not seeing LO since 7 months is your fault? If he really really reeeaaallllyyy wanted to surely he would have made the effort? Or why didn't he ask/say he was coming down for her birthday before you asked? Maybe it would be best to talk about it all prior to him coming down on her birthday? As her birthday is a special day for all involved and it would seem pointless to tar it with an argument. Just from a personal point of view if I was in the situation you are I would want it all sorted beforehand. Hope that helps

Hes never asked to see her ive always asked him when he is coming down, the reason its partly my fault he hasnt seen her is because I had a go at him when he cancelled last minute one day and I refused to tell him why I broke up with him every time he used to ask me, so I just feel like talking to him about it all would be a good idea, I cant talk to him before because he wont talk to me about anything over the phone, so we only talk when he comes to see LO and I have a feeling if I dont talk to him and try clear the air on her birthday he will wait anouther 5 months to see her again. Unfortuniatly hes not good at talking about thing unless I ask him directly about it, we dont really argue when we talk about things, we have only ever argued when he cancelled coming to see LO x

 

[jessrabbit]

Hard one, I think personally I would want to clear the air first. Regardless of what you may have argued about he still hasnt made the effort. I think if I was a bloke, nothing would stop me seeing my LO.

he has to appreciate that you were only upset and arguing with him over her best interests, not to be difficult. With being a parent he needs to be consistent and keep his promises about when he would see her. Just because you had an arguement because he let you down shouldnt mean he doesnt bother for ages.

Its far too easy for them to shirk their responsibilities and then you are left blaming yourself.

I think its better to clear the air beforehand for LO's sake, dont worry about frightening him off, because at the end of the day you are only trying to sort everything out so that its best for LO. You dont want him to turn up once a year on her birthday and then not bother the rest of the time. If you try and talk to him and it ends up on him not coming, then so be it, he needs to man up!

xxx

 

[xJG30]

Personally, I wouldn't do it on your LO's birthday as if you end up fighting, it'll ruin the memories of her birthday.

Maybe ask him if he's free another time and try to sort something out

 

[Laura2919]

Personally, I wouldn't do it on your LO's birthday as if you end up fighting, it'll ruin the memories of her birthday.

Maybe ask him if he's free another time and try to sort something out

I agree with this. That conversation is better left for another day.

 

[SophiasMummy]

My worry is I dont think there will be anouther day, esp as he has just spoken to me for the first time in nearly 5 months, if I tell him we need to talk about anything when I text him then he ignores me and pretends he never got a text saying that, plus he lives over an hour away so its not like I will see him in the street etc x

 

[Laura2919]

If you think there isnt going to be another day like another visit to see his daughter dont let him come now. He cant expect to be in and out of her life like it suits him.

He clearly isnt bothered to listen or even talk about whys and what ifs so sometimes its best just to leave it.

 

[SophiasMummy]

If you think there isnt going to be another day like another visit to see his daughter dont let him come now. He cant expect to be in and out of her life like it suits him.

He clearly isnt bothered to listen or even talk about whys and what ifs so sometimes its best just to leave it.

I cant tell him he cant see his daughter though, even if hes barely there its better than never as far as im concerned, I didnt meet my dad till I was 14 and wish so much that he had seen me as a child even if its wasnt that much, plus I dont want him to be able to ever say to LO that I wouldnt let him see her x

 

[kirst1805]

I think that conversation is best left for another time, however I agree with Laura, he can't be in and out as and when he feels like it, its not fair. I'd say if he can't arrange a time and place to sit down and talk everything through and come to a proper arrangement that he sticks to its probably best to leave it just for now. You wouldn't be saying, no that's it you can't see lo... Just that you need to be sure its a set thing. And I'm not being harsh but if he makes no effort at all, its not your fault and its not your place to chase him. XX

 

[jessrabbit]

My parents were divorced and he flitted in and out of my life with broken promises all of the time. Its different for everyone but I would rather of not had him letting me down all of the time by not being around at all.

If he wants to see her he does need to be consistent and you shouldnt be afraid of scaring him off, if he does it just means he doesnt really want to be around enough in the first place.

xx

 

[mkm1083]

^^ What she said. A father that wants to be in his child's life will fight to be there. I hope for your daughter's sake that he does decide to take an active role