sharonm153
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- May 15, 2011
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Finaly ready to tell lilly's story. New pregnancy mentioned xxxx
Sorry if this becomes a bit long winded. I've been lurking here 4 a long time trying to pluck up the courage to tell my story.
Myself and OH have a 6 year old daughter and had decided to try for a brother or sister, after only 1 month we got that BFP we so wanted. As I had a easy pregnancy with DD it never occurred to us that we would face any problems.
Finally the day came to go 4 my 12 week scan, Oh works away so MIL came with me, I will never 4get the feeling of exitement I had waiting to go in for the scan. When the nurse started the scan she showed me my baby on the screen and pointed out all her limbs moving and let us listen to her HB. She then looks at me and says that she could see a problem with baby and leaves the room. She then came back after what seemed like ages, by this time i was crying my eyes out. The doc then looks and explains that my baby had a build up of fluid on her neck and called it a cystic hygroma.
We were then took to the docs office where explained that this is a marker for chromosome problems and told us the baby could have turners syndrome, Downs Syndrome or Edwards Syndrome. I was offered a cvs test the next day or I could wait 4 weeks and have an amnio. I was advised that cvs has a higher miscarriage rate. I wanted to give our baby the best possible chance and opted to wait the 4 weeks. This was longest most heartbreaking weeks of my life.
I finally had the amnio 4 weeks later and was told my results would take 3 days. I had already googled the possible outcomes and knew what each of these conditions would mean, myself and oh had agreed that we would continue with the pregnancy regardless of the results.
Well the day after the amnio we got that dreadful call from the doctor and were told that our baby girl had Edwards syndrome, I cant remember what else was said during that call as i went to pieces. My OH then spoke to doctor and agreed we would go into see him the next day.
The doctor explained at this meeting that Edwards Syndrome is not compatible with life and that I would probably not make it to term, he also advised that my daughters brain was badly affected and that she would not survive long after her birth if she made it that far as the rest of her organs would begin to shut down, I simply couldn't face the possibility of my baby girl suffering a slow and painful death not to mention the affect this could have on my then 5 year old daughter.
After a long and heartbreaking talk with our close family we decided the kindest thing we could do for our daughter would be to bring the end closer as i didn't want her to suffer in any way. This was the hardest choice i have ever made in my life and i still wonder every day if we done the right thing.
I gave birth to our beautiful girl on the 20th November at 9.20pm and she was perfect and looked so peaceful. We got to spend time with her a took lots of photos. This time was so special to us and I am forever grateful for this time. I made a memory box of all her scan photos and other things we collected. I haven't been able to look at it since but I know that I will in time and will get comfort from having her things. There is not a day goes by that my heart doesn't break 4 the baby we lost and I just hope to meet her again one day.
I am currently 18 weeks pregnant and everything looks good so far. I feel totally blessed to be given this chance but also feel guilty at the same time as this baby is a no way a replacement for lilly as she will always be in my heart till the day I die.
I just want to say thank if you have managed to read all that, sorry if i've rambled on a bit, just couldn't stop once I started.
Think all you ladies are very brave and amazing in the way you find strength in each other and offer support xxx
Sorry if this becomes a bit long winded. I've been lurking here 4 a long time trying to pluck up the courage to tell my story.
Myself and OH have a 6 year old daughter and had decided to try for a brother or sister, after only 1 month we got that BFP we so wanted. As I had a easy pregnancy with DD it never occurred to us that we would face any problems.
Finally the day came to go 4 my 12 week scan, Oh works away so MIL came with me, I will never 4get the feeling of exitement I had waiting to go in for the scan. When the nurse started the scan she showed me my baby on the screen and pointed out all her limbs moving and let us listen to her HB. She then looks at me and says that she could see a problem with baby and leaves the room. She then came back after what seemed like ages, by this time i was crying my eyes out. The doc then looks and explains that my baby had a build up of fluid on her neck and called it a cystic hygroma.
We were then took to the docs office where explained that this is a marker for chromosome problems and told us the baby could have turners syndrome, Downs Syndrome or Edwards Syndrome. I was offered a cvs test the next day or I could wait 4 weeks and have an amnio. I was advised that cvs has a higher miscarriage rate. I wanted to give our baby the best possible chance and opted to wait the 4 weeks. This was longest most heartbreaking weeks of my life.
I finally had the amnio 4 weeks later and was told my results would take 3 days. I had already googled the possible outcomes and knew what each of these conditions would mean, myself and oh had agreed that we would continue with the pregnancy regardless of the results.
Well the day after the amnio we got that dreadful call from the doctor and were told that our baby girl had Edwards syndrome, I cant remember what else was said during that call as i went to pieces. My OH then spoke to doctor and agreed we would go into see him the next day.
The doctor explained at this meeting that Edwards Syndrome is not compatible with life and that I would probably not make it to term, he also advised that my daughters brain was badly affected and that she would not survive long after her birth if she made it that far as the rest of her organs would begin to shut down, I simply couldn't face the possibility of my baby girl suffering a slow and painful death not to mention the affect this could have on my then 5 year old daughter.
After a long and heartbreaking talk with our close family we decided the kindest thing we could do for our daughter would be to bring the end closer as i didn't want her to suffer in any way. This was the hardest choice i have ever made in my life and i still wonder every day if we done the right thing.
I gave birth to our beautiful girl on the 20th November at 9.20pm and she was perfect and looked so peaceful. We got to spend time with her a took lots of photos. This time was so special to us and I am forever grateful for this time. I made a memory box of all her scan photos and other things we collected. I haven't been able to look at it since but I know that I will in time and will get comfort from having her things. There is not a day goes by that my heart doesn't break 4 the baby we lost and I just hope to meet her again one day.
I am currently 18 weeks pregnant and everything looks good so far. I feel totally blessed to be given this chance but also feel guilty at the same time as this baby is a no way a replacement for lilly as she will always be in my heart till the day I die.
I just want to say thank if you have managed to read all that, sorry if i've rambled on a bit, just couldn't stop once I started.
Think all you ladies are very brave and amazing in the way you find strength in each other and offer support xxx
