First pregnancy and first miscarriage....so hard

[kellyintexas3]

I had a miscarriage yesterday and it was terrible. I went to the doctor because I was having cramping (which were HORRIBLE) and bleeding. The doctor couldn't find the heartbeat, which we had easily seen before. We saw it 6 days before, which I am so thankful for. Anyway, he didn't see the heartbeat, but he saw the baby so he sent me to the hospital since their equipment is better. I went to the hospital and when the technician did the abdominal u/s first. She said she saw the baby, but couldn't find the heartbeat. So she had me go to the bathroom to empty my bladder so we could do the vaginal u/s. I won't go into detail, but let's just say that I lost the baby when I went to the bathroom. I immediately started crying, but went back to do the vaginal u/s and even told her she wouldn't find anything. She didn't. The gestational sac was there, but everything in it was gone. I was devastated. After we finished, she had me wait until she talked to the radiologist. They confirmed what I already knew. This morning I went to the doctor and the good news is everything is out, including the sac. I didn't have to do a D&C and so that's good. The bad news is I lost my precious little baby. It was my first pregnancy and even though I was only 7w3d, it's deflating. I'm just so so sad and crushed. I know I'll be fine, but it's hard. The doctor said I can try to get pregnant again once my period starts, so that's good, but right now I can't even begin to think about it. I know I just need to grieve. Anyway, I just wanted to get my story out there because I am so sad. One minute I had all this happiness and now it's just been taken away. I'm so sorry for every women who has ever lost a child. It's a feeling no one should ever have to experience. I'm 36 so I just pray my next pregnancy is better.

Thanks for letting me tell my story.

 

[tcinks]

So sorry for your loss. It's such a terrible thing to go through, but it will get better. I hope you get your rainbow soon.

 

[NZKiwi]

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's eerily similar to mine (the bit about the scan and going to the bathroom - yup, I know all about that). I hope you have a good support network to help you get though this. It's so senseless and traumatic.

 

[kellyintexas3]

Thank you so much. NKZiwie - I just read your story. I'm so sorry. It's so difficult. I just keep reminding myself that at least I got pregnant naturally. That's half the battle. I know I'll pick up and go on and try again. It's just so hard right now. I hope you get better soon. It's so so hard.

 

[NZKiwi]

How are you doing today Kellyintexas?

 

[InTheVerse]

I'm so sorry for your loss Kelly. It's so shocking and heartbreaking. Give yourself time, don't rush anything or expect anything of yourself. You'll find both your body and mind are out of sync for a while and your emotions will be intense, grief and hormones are an awful combination and sometimes it's hard to see which is which.

Don't rush back to work, give yourself time to grieve and heal and stay off if you need to.

 

[AnnieMac2]

I'm so sorry, Kelly. Your feelings will be all over the place for awhile, but it gets better. I'm 35, lost my first pregnancy in Feb. around 7-8 weeks, but got pregnant easily too...pretty similar to you. I'm trying to reign in the fear about a future pregnancy. I'm feeling much better now as compared to Feb and March. It will get more manageable, but it can take a lot of time. Take good care of yourself during the hard times. xo

 

[melfy77]

So sorry for your loss. I also lost my 1st pregnancy (chemical pregnancy though) and had another loss at 6-7 weeks. And than had 2 healthy pregnancies resulting in 2 healthy girls ☺

 

[kellyintexas3]

I'm doing better today. I've been in a terrible funk/depression the last few days, but I'm feeling better. I don't feel great. I know it will take time. Now I'm just so anxious and want my period to come so I can try again. It's so scary. All of it. But I'm hopeful that we will get pregnant again. Thank you for all of your sweet notes and messages. You're all so kind and thoughtful. It's nice to have a group to talk to!

 

[NZKiwi]

I know exactly how you feel re wanting to get pregnant again, the same. The worst is not really knowing when AF will return, so it all feels like one big holding pattern.

I'm glad you are starting to feel better, there will be good days and bad. I don't think the hormones mix well with the grief either :/

 

[FingersX88]

Hello I'm new to this forum but waned to give you a virtual hug Kelly! I know the crazy pain that comes with this. Today I was diagnosed with an eptopic pregnancy- I began bleeding on May 1st and after hcg levels that went down and them back up I was given the strong recommendation to get the methotrexate shot. So as I lay here feeling empty and nervous for the symptoms I will hold you in my prayers as well. The journey to being a mother is the hardest one I've ever had and I've only taken a few steps on this path. Hoping that once this is all done I will be able to try again in a few months and we can all celebrate with our little ones sometime in the future ��

 

[Sugden88]

Hi...

i know how you feel, lost my first one after around 26-27 months of trying, im devestated.

its a pain & experiance i wouldnt wish on my worst enemy.
i wish i could give you some encouragment or helpful advice but i cant think of any....

hopefully you get pregnant again soon....

i got my period exactly 28day from the date of the miscarridge, so i hope you are the same

thinking of you xxx