FOB advice!

[suzanne108]

I just posted this is third....I thought people in couples might give me more unbiased answers as we're all men haters hehe! But I would like to know what you think aswell.....so advice please.....

FOB left me when I was 14 weeks pregnant (after me not giving into the abortion pressure) not wanting anything to do with me or baby....we were ruining his life apparently. Since I was about 28ish weeks he's suddenly decided that he wants to be involved....

So since then he keeps talking about coming to see me...I've told him I don't feel comfortable seeing him until the baby is here. I won't stop him from seeing baby but I dont see why I have to see him before hand....it'll stress me out and I find it very hard to be nice to him!! I've told him 4 times now that I don't feel comfortable seeing him whilst I'm pregnant.....last weekend he turned up on my doorstep. (Some of you may have read my rant about this last weekend!!)

In the week I sent him a quick email to tell him what I wanted to happen when I was in labour etc...told him that he could come to the hospital to see baby (he isn't being in the room!) but I said that I wanted my first couple of days at home with the baby on my own. I wanted to get settled, get my head around the fact that I have a baby, get used to feeding, bathing, sleep times, also get over the first few days of blood and pain THEN he could come visit say on my third day at home. Do you think this is harsh?? Personally I thought it wasn't too much of me to ask that I had a couple of days since I've been through all this on my own I mean, surely he's getting the best of both worlds (in his eyes) to not be there for the shitty bits but pop up whenever he feels like it.

Anyway.....he's replied asking can he come up at the weekend to "help" me.....seriously, how many times do I have to tell him I don't want to see him.

Also he's said he doesn't think its fair that he can't see baby for the first few days and he would prefer to be here to help and he "wants to have a say in things".

So I'm asking you ladies..... do you think I'm being reasonable? Or harsh?

Oh also.....suggestions on how to reply?????

 

[xJG30]

I think you're being pretty reasonable tbh, it's hard to adjust to having a baby on your own without someone you hate being there.

 

[lou_w34]

I replied in third! haha

 

[surprisebaby]

i think you're being reasonable. You have to look after yourself and plan what you know will make you feel most comfortable. It isn't your fault that now he suddenly wants to be different with you. He should have thought about that before. You can't keep changing everything all the time to adapt to his moods. I mean before "you were ruining his life" and now he wants to be with you at the birth or just after. I just don't think he deserves that honour or thought given to his feelings when it was the other way round he didn't give thought to yours. It's not a revenge thing, but a natural consequence of being treated like that.... Now you just genuinely don't feel comfortable around him. The only people that should be there at your birth or just after are people you feel comfortable with and who will be supportive. you want the beginning to start of well and on a positive note.
I think you should think about whats best for you and then just tell him, and if he doesn't like then thats not really your problem. You don't have a relationship with each other any more. Its not like you're not going to let him see the baby at all. It'll only be two days. You are really just looking after yourself which you need to do.... thats your priority. You don't owe him anything.

Oh forgot to include I think you should let him see the baby the day he or she is born for a little while. Also regarding seeing you before baby is born, maybe if you just met the once, kinda for a meeting then you could discuss issues that are needing to be sorted out and then there shouldn't be any need to see him again until the baby is born. But I suppose you don't necessarily have to discuss stuff in person. I think I would just meet up and get it out the way. Maybe on neutral territory. Not at your house, so you can leave when ever you want.

 

[McLovin]

I personally think you are being more than generous in your compromise. It's difficult to be nice to someone who has so badly shit on you.
Well done for not letting the bitterness ruin your LO's chance at having a potential proper father. Should be really proud of yourself x

 

[sweetlullaby]

I posted in third trimester as well!

 

[suzanne108]

Thank you girls!!

I replied to his email...

Stuck to my original plan. These men have ruined our experience of pregnancy...maybe that sounds OTT but when you're a little girl and imagine having a baby you don't imagine it to be like this!! So, I've decided there is no way I'm letting him ruin my first precious days with baby.

Also thought about what I would advise if I'd read that one of your FOBs was saying this, and listened to my own advice too.

Thanks for being here girls xxx

 

[tinkabells]

Glad your ok love xxx