FOB and CSA

[abernathie]

Since the first time I told "him" I was pregnant he said he didnt want to know and would "help me to get rid of it".......idiot.

I told him at the time that I didnt want his help anyway (he cheated on me) and got on with it on my own. Was hard as he was my boss at work

I never told him when I went into labour and I assume he knows I had Mollie from people at work. I never told him and as time has gone on I dont really know how to tell him or even talk to him.......he could contact me but hasnt so assume he doesnt care about ut.

7 months on and Im being made redundant and know we are really going to struggle without some help or me getting a job as good as I had.

So do I look at going to the CSA and getting him to pay? Is that wrong as I told him I didnt need his help?

His last words to me where "when its like 12 or so and it wants to find me I will play dad then".....So I do all the hard work and he reaps the benefits.

Just scared he will want to go for custody if I go to the csa. And the woman he is with beat me up when I was pregnant and I really dont want her near me or Mollie.


arrrrggghhh what to do

 

[xSophieBx]

Ok thats a tricky one.. Normally I would say go straight to the CSA but it could trigger him to fight to be in her life.. but tbh he sounds like he can't be arsed & I doubt he'll wanna be paying out all that money for court fees when he hasnt bothered so far! Did u call the police when the woman attacked u? As if u have it on file I'm sure u'd be able to use that in court etc for a reason as to why shes not allowed near your child. But like I said... I highly doubt his gonna fight anyway from what u've said... its a long drawn out proccess.... So actually.. I say go the CSA as u obviously know where his working so it will be easier for them to track him. He created life so he can dam well pay for it. Good luck xx

 

[abernathie]

Thanks for the reply

No I never went to the police. He convinced me not to as she was going through a fostering application and I would have messed it up. God knows why I agreed. Guess I wanted him back and thought this was a way to do it........
I think I might try and get some info from the CSA on how it all works and go from there.

Just hate struggling and its hard with the weather getting colder.

He has 4 motorbikes, 3 cars and god knows what else so not like he cant afford it

 

[xSophieBx]

Basically with CSA, they are useless if he doesn't cooperate but they'll get ur money eventually... what does he work as? His not self employed is he? Its 15% of their wages. I'd apply for it asap as they'll back date it to when u put the claim in.

His not contacted u in months, his obviously not on the birth cert, so he would have 1 hell of a fight before he ever got access to your child.. so make sure u don't worry about that right now.. Put ur claim in, you deserve it xx

 

[abernathie]

He works for the Royal Mail so should be damn easy to get money tbh.

He didnt want on the birth certificate so I dont do it. We have also moved over a hundred miles away to be near my mum. Not sure he would want to make the effort to come here to see us...

Thanks for the advice, think I will get the forms done this week and see what happens

 

[littlelinnies]

if hes not on the birth cerficate then he doesnt have any rights, yes he could go to court to get rights but he'd have to prove to a judge hes fit to be a dad, and i dont think he sounds like a fit dad tbh with you, i would put in a claim to the csa, just because he's paying doesnt mean he has rights legally to see your child.
why should he not do anything?

 

[xSophieBx]

Ah well there u go then.. that just sums it all up!

You can do it on the phone.. you just ring them up and then they ask u the questions and its done then. Do u know his address cos they need his address and work place.. but they can track it, just will take longer x

 

[littlelinnies]

He works for the Royal Mail so should be damn easy to get money tbh.

He didnt want on the birth certificate so I dont do it. We have also moved over a hundred miles away to be near my mum. Not sure he would want to make the effort to come here to see us...

Thanks for the advice, think I will get the forms done this week and see what happens

if he works which you say he does then they would take around £30 a week off him, which is a lot of money for you and your lo.. you should do it, hes not bothered about leaving you with a baby, you shouldnt worry about getting what you deserve off him

 

[xSophieBx]

^^ It could be more then £30 if he has a high up job.. as its 15% of wages x

 

[abernathie]

Ah I thought he would have rights to her regardless....didnt know he HAD to be on the birth certificate to get access. Think thats the thing that worried me the most.

He said he would make me out to be unfit and get Mollie

I dont work in the same office as him now but I have all his details and have just filled in the callback form on the CSA website so have got the ball rolling.

I just worry as he is not a very "nice" person and what might come of it.

Guess he cant get my address tho unless someone stupid gives it out in HR.......

 

[abernathie]

He takes home about £2k a month after tax....and we struggle on my SMP and a few benefits.....

 

[xSophieBx]

Wow.. U could get about £75 a week hun Its ok if he refuses to contact them/get back to them as they can get his info through inlan revenue.. will just take longer but will be worth it in the long run.. & he'll have a deductions of earnings if he doesnt cooperate x

 

[littlelinnies]

Ah I thought he would have rights to her regardless....didnt know he HAD to be on the birth certificate to get access. Think thats the thing that worried me the most.

He said he would make me out to be unfit and get Mollie

I dont work in the same office as him now but I have all his details and have just filled in the callback form on the CSA website so have got the ball rolling.

I just worry as he is not a very "nice" person and what might come of it.

Guess he cant get my address tho unless someone stupid gives it out in HR.......

no, he has to be on the birth cerficate. and as the pervious poster said it could even be more than £30 a week.. the csa wont give him your address or anything they will deal with him and deal with you, they are kinda a middle man.

 

[littlelinnies]

Wow.. U could get about £75 a week hun Its ok if he refuses to contact them/get back to them as they can get his info through inlan revenue.. will just take longer but will be worth it in the long run.. & he'll have a deductions of earnings if he doesnt cooperate x

wow!!!!!!!!!!!!! you sooo should lol

 

[abernathie]

Thanks Ladies,

Spoke to someone at our old office and I just need to write to HR and make sure they don't give my address details out then I can start the claim. Had quite a restless weekend worrying about it but realise that I NEED to do it for Mollie as she deserves to have stuff that I just cant afford.

Thanks for all the help and advice

 

[abernathie]

Update,

Claim is in.....feel sick, shaky and scared I just don't want him turning up giving me hell or trying to get Mollie.

I checked with a solicitor and he has no rights unless I agree or he goes to court. Guess he might do this to spite me but hope not.

Work wont block my address details I did try to call him to warn him or come to an arrangement but he didn't answer so guess he made his bed didn't he!

I don't get why I feel guilty I am doing this for Mollie as she deserves stuff I just can't afford......

They said there deadline is 6 weeks so we shall see.

Thanks again girls!

 

[jessrabbit]

We feel guilty because we are good people pushed to the edge that shouldnt have to go down this route. FOB's live on another planet!

Dont feel guilty, you have done the right thing xx

 

[xSophieBx]

^^ Totally agree.

Don't feel guilty. Fingers crossed they get their arse into gear and get it sorted for u quickly... Thats disgusting about your work... it's against the data protection act to give ur address out!!!
I'm currently waiting on them now FOB has got another job and I know he won't ring them up! xx