FOB has a solicitor now :( :(

[miasmum2012]

So just got a letter from a solicitor saying FOB has requested shared parenting and I have to see a mediator to try and sort it out with him.

Thing is I don't want him having anything to do with my daughter, I'm not just saying this to be mean, I have got a notebook full of 10 pages of why I don't want him to be a part of her life. Heres just a few:

- he never seemed bothered with her when he lived with me, probably fed, changed and played with her less than ten times in the four months he lived with me.

- he phoned social services on me and made absurd accusations such as I am rough with her.

- my daughter did not feel comfartable at all with him, she would not let him near her and he couldn't even feed her without her screaming.

- he was working and I was getting all the working tax, child tax etc and he expected me to pay for everything for all of us (clothes, bills, food) while he just has his wage for himself to spend on toys.

- always used my daughter as a weapon whenever I tried to split up with him saying he was going to go for full custody because she'd be better off with him and his family just so I wouldn't split up with him.

- never did any night feeds, he wouldn't even wake up when she was crying right next to him. I am concerned that if he had her overnight he wouldn't wake up with her when she wants a night feed

- he doesn't like Charlotte seeing other people, he called all my friends peodophiles who are quite close to her to try and stop me seeing them.

- never seemed interested if she rolled over etc. If she did I'd ask him to look and he'd be too busy with the TV, computer etc.

- we had one argument where I slapped him so he hit himself saying he was going to make a mark so he could get me done for assault so I took my daughter outside away from him in her pram, he came outside and tried to take the pram off me to run away with her and I stopped him so he pushed the pram at me which nearly fell over.

- threatened suicide because I wouldn't lend him money for a toy he wanted.

- reckons he was a soldier in Vietnam (I know )

- smoked in the same room as my daughter even though I asked him over and over not to.

I don't know what to do, I don't want him to have any access with my daughter for all the above reasons but I know I am no angel either. There was an incident when she was first born when I had post-natal where I am still not sure if I saw him being rough with her, anyway I phoned the police and reported it and social services got involved but because he ended up being arrested for child abuse I took my statement back because I didn't want that happening to him for something I wasn't sure about. But now I think if he hadn't done anything then why is she so uneasy with him? Shes fine with complete strangers I don't know what to do :'( :'(

 

[resursval]

So just got a letter from a solicitor saying FOB has requested shared parenting and I have to see a mediator to try and sort it out with him.

Thing is I don't want him having anything to do with my daughter, I'm not just saying this to be mean, I have got a notebook full of 10 pages of why I don't want him to be a part of her life. Heres just a few:

- he never seemed bothered with her when he lived with me, probably fed, changed and played with her less than ten times in the four months he lived with me.

- he phoned social services on me and made absurd accusations such as I am rough with her.

- my daughter did not feel comfartable at all with him, she would not let him near her and he couldn't even feed her without her screaming.

- he was working and I was getting all the working tax, child tax etc and he expected me to pay for everything for all of us (clothes, bills, food) while he just has his wage for himself to spend on toys.

- always used my daughter as a weapon whenever I tried to split up with him saying he was going to go for full custody because she'd be better off with him and his family just so I wouldn't split up with him.

- never did any night feeds, he wouldn't even wake up when she was crying right next to him. I am concerned that if he had her overnight he wouldn't wake up with her when she wants a night feed

- he doesn't like Charlotte seeing other people, he called all my friends peodophiles who are quite close to her to try and stop me seeing them.

- never seemed interested if she rolled over etc. If she did I'd ask him to look and he'd be too busy with the TV, computer etc.

- we had one argument where I slapped him so he hit himself saying he was going to make a mark so he could get me done for assault so I took my daughter outside away from him in her pram, he came outside and tried to take the pram off me to run away with her and I stopped him so he pushed the pram at me which nearly fell over.

- threatened suicide because I wouldn't lend him money for a toy he wanted.

- reckons he was a soldier in Vietnam (I know )

- smoked in the same room as my daughter even though I asked him over and over not to.

I don't know what to do, I don't want him to have any access with my daughter for all the above reasons but I know I am no angel either. There was an incident when she was first born when I had post-natal where I am still not sure if I saw him being rough with her, anyway I phoned the police and reported it and social services got involved but because he ended up being arrested for child abuse I took my statement back because I didn't want that happening to him for something I wasn't sure about. But now I think if he hadn't done anything then why is she so uneasy with him? Shes fine with complete strangers I don't know what to do :'( :'(

Pity you took your statement back.... I hope you manage to keep this man as far away as you possibly can from your daughter as he doesn't sound stabile or trustworthy at all.

 

[MommaAlexis]

Just remember the only thing the courts will take into consideration is how he is with LO, abuse and stability. Which means he will likely get visitation to prove that he can/cannot provide for her. And not being excited about milestones won't affect his access at all. As long as they are still being met, it doesn't matter to the courts if he's excited. Smoking in the same room won't affect his access. You have to think legally what can you bring up that he has actually done wrong to your daughter or you. Like assault, negligence, was his suicide attempt on record? Does he have a stable job? Do you? Etc. but since you withdrew your statement that works in his favour. You need to find a solid reason, not just that she isn't 100% comfortable. He could then argue that she isn't comfortable because you don't give him enough access. True or not, it works against you then. So bring your list to your own solicitor, they will tell you what you CAN turn against him. I. E. Vietnam stuff, sign of mental instability so you'd like a mental assesment(sp?) done before he can get access. At the very least you can make sure he has to jump through some hoops.

 

[AnnabelsMummy]

above poster has covered most things..

only thing i'd add is that in terms of saying no contact all together - you'll be seen as unreasonable and obstructive, have you thought of a contact center with supervised access?

That way he gets a chance to prove himself, and no matter what you think of him, if he proves himself and turns out that he can do it and does try hard for her, then he deserves to see her and be part of her life, as surely this would be beneficial to her, and you know that, in the time, while he has access it'd be supervised, so she'll be safe and his contact will be monitored and you'll know what's gone on and how she's reacted.

Also is he on the birth certificate?

i'd deffinaty suggest you get a solicitor to talk things through with.

 

[AnnabelsMummy]

*double post, sorry*