FOB has now made some contact :O!

[stephanie20]

Well a few weeks ago FOB's new girlfriend sent me a few messages on facebook presumably for FOB as she said he was going to ring me in a few days which he still hasn't done

Anyway today I got a friends request from him off facebook which I declined but heard nothing else, I know if he contacts me I will just tell him to get a solicitor because I am sick of this now, he has made noo attempt to see how me and the baby is (i'm 35 weeks pregnant) since the 20 week scan which I am sure his mother made him come to, and as soon as the scan was over he just ran away...lol.

I don't know whether to just send him a message on facebook telling him of what I intend to do (not put him on the birth certificate etc) or just wait and see if he messages me?

Thanks for any advice

 

[Sophie1205]

I'd send him a message to be honest. You could either just ask him to give you a call as his girlfriend said he would (not that she should be passing messages on!) or just write in the message that you'd like to know if he's going to make any effort with the baby as you need to make a decision regarding the child's birth certificate. I wouldn't just say "I'm not putting you on the birth certificate" as that might just p*ss him off and make him make even less effort. I'd give him the opportunity first. xxx

 

[stephanie20]

He hasn't made any effort at all though, I was happy to talk to him when his girlfriend messaged me saying he was going to ring and then he hasn't even done that :/ Its really irritating me now, he doesn't deserve to be on the birth certificate or see her as hes made no effort at all

Its really annoying me now tbh

 

[LTEx]

if he's her dad then he should be put on the birth certificate reguardless. I dont believe in not putting the FOB's name on just because he doesnt want anything to do with her. Look at it this way, if you put his name on, its there in black & white that he's her dad & she'll know exactly who he is & how much of a waste of space he is for not getting involved. You would only have to explain to her when she's older why there is no name on that part which would bring more questions up

 

[stephanie20]

I would put him on the birth certificate if it didn't mean he had equal rights as me, its ridicolous that I should put him on there when if he wants to he could come round and snatch my LG and I couldn't do anything about it because he has "equal rights".

Anyway I have argued before about the birth certificate lol, I doubt he'd turn up to sign it anyway and as we're not married he has to be there

 

[LTEx]

nobody was arguing i was posting my opinion. & just because his name would be on the certificate doesn't mean he's got the right to 'snatch' your LO. No court in the whole world would allow that, its called kidnap.

& i personally wouldnt send anything over facebook as it causes more problems than what its worth that website lol isnt there a family member or someone you could speak to if he isnt speaking to you?

 

[stephanie20]

no i didn't mean you was arguing, it was just on one of my earlier posts on this site somebody had a really big argument with me over the birth certificate and I was just saying I didn't want it to happen again and no they can do that because they have equal rights, if he saw me in town he could take the baby and I'd have to apply for a emergency residency order to get her back, the courts would see this as okay because he is her legal dad. he is the kind of person that would do this too D;

and no his mums as bad as he is, i've tried speaking to her and shes just threatened that shes gonna try and get custody of my baby, which I know she can't.

 

[teal]

I don't have FOB on my LO's birth certificate because he cut all contact. Changed his number, cancelled his email account, even moved.

If it were me I'd not mention the birth certificate at all until he brings it up. If you tell him you're not putting him on it then it might just create more hassle for you

Also, as far as equal rights. Even if you don't put him on the birth certificate he has the option to take you to court to get parental resposibility anyway. I don't want to scare you, it's just the birth certificate isn't the end of it

I do know what you mean about being scared hes going to take your baby. That absolutely terrified me even though I hadn't seen him since I found out I was pregnant. Even the first few months I was scared he was going to appear and take my son.

There is just a line through the father box on the birth certificate. It wasn't easy registering him alone. I was in tears in the register office. It will just show my son when he's older how much of a waste FOB since legally he had to be there with me when I registered my son.

Facebook has a lot to answer for. I would have declined him as well. Surely if he wants to speak to you he could make the effort to call or see you? xx

 

[dustbunny]

I don't think you should feel you should have to put him on the birth certificate as that in itself causes stress and worry. As he has made no effort then why continue to bother?? If you have honestly, 100% tried to include him in things to the point of turning blue in the face and he hasn't bothered then stop. You can drag a horse to water but you can't make it drink, another words... he isn't bothered so don't give him the satisfaction of continuing to cause you pain and upset. It comes to a point where you have to look after what is best for LO and you.
As from a personal point of view I will not be putting FOB on the certificate. At first that is all his mother [not him] wanted, wasn't interested in anything as long as he was on it. Since he has missed every opportunity to be included and participate thus far and has blamed me for his mistakes, I have had enough. As I said in another post; I am not his mother, his lover or wife, nor his PA... if he wanted to be involved he would make himself involved.
If I was a bad mum LO would be taken into care and I would never see her again. Yet he has not been there and automatically should be forgiven and given exactly the same rights?? No... taking it to another level, as parenthood is a job in itself, he put in his application and failed the interview and thus doesn't get the job.... if this was another job you wouldn't phone up, make excuses and expect to get the job anyway. It is absurd! And if my LO asks why her Dads name is not on the birth certificate [and why I don't know because I haven't looked at my own at all] then I will explain how much of a waste of space her is. I won't lie to her.

As for facebook... fuck it. Don't bother... it should be a fun thing, it was only ever intended as a fun thing. I would let him contact you either by phone, letter or in person... something which requires more effort than a spare 2 mins online.

 

[peapod11]

i personally would not message him, why should you he has made no efford what so ever to get in contact with you, i personally would wait until he messages you, well thats what im doing with the FOB. and if he doesnt, i also wont be putting him on the birth certicate either, when i think of the stress and hurt he has put me threw i owe him nothing.