FOB in the delivery room or at the hospital when we are not together? Bit of a RANT

[LilBean2010]

I don't really know what to do. My OH and I broke up about a month ago after a very rough go of things, me finding out he was cheating with his ex, advertising for personal services on the internet, etc.

I have not been initiating ANY contact with him, except to purpose a parenting plan for after DS is born, as I am completely disgusted and don't want anything to do with him on a personal level.

He causes me a lot of stress and feels as though he is entitled to the world from me now and forever because we have a child in common. Example: I don't want to get text messages asking how my nausea is or telling me "Good Morning Mommy" when he has been poking his ex and numerous others during our relationship. He never asks about the baby, or my pregnancy, but just wants casual "chit chat."

Anyway - My Mom is going to be in the delivery room with me along with my Doula and my 7 year old son. My ex doesn't like my Mother (because she called him out for what he did and doesn't "respect his authority"), doesn't like the idea of a Doula because he can't be my labor coach and the one I count on for support and doesn't think my 7 year old should be in the room. Well...none of these are his choices given what he has done. A few days ago - he sent me a text telling me he expects to be there when DS is born.

I know he will add SO MUCH STRESS given the attitude he puts off when he doesn't approve of the choices I have made and when he didn't get to make the decisions. I don't want him there. Not to be mean - I plan to foster a relationship between he and DS - but am I being a terrible person for not wanting to deal with his attitudes and the stress of him being at the hospital?

Is it unreasonable that I call him when her are home and have had 24 hours to settle in? I truly can't imagine having to deal with his drama, theatrics and nasty attitude while in labor or at the hospital! I know if I don't let him be there the attitude will come later in techno-color, but not while I am in labor and just recovering. Does this make sense? Should I tell him in advance I will let him know when I have him and he can come see him as soon as he is home?

Does anyone have personal experience in a situation like this? What should I do?

 

[LOZANDEVIE]

I banned FOB and his mother from entering the labour ward. They still came,and got sent right back,they come several times.When i was being induced,and when i was having an epidural in my back,also contracting at the same time. & When i was actually having Lillie. They rang me after she was born and shouted at me for not letting them be there.I didn't want them there, my choice, i didn't want the stress added to the birth. It's unfair. They begged to come see me in hospital,I said no.I had to stay in after i had gave birth for a few days,and they begged and begged, I told them i wanted rest but they would not give in.It's been 2weeks and I still don't want them here.Go with what you thinks best,don't listen to the males.

 

[billy2mm]

its your choice and if you dont want him there then dont have him there.

if you really think that telling him now will cause alot of problems then dont tell him till after baby is born and just say you didnt have time coz it was a quick labour and delivery or you forgot your phone and didnt know his number or something!

 

[trumpetbum]

He can expect to be there all he bloody well likes but it is your choice who you have to support you. Childbirth is hard work, intimate and very personal. Stress and anxiety can exacerbate pain and stall labour, making things difficult for you, so stand your ground and tell him he can see his child as soon as the work is done and you've had a chance to rest, regain your composure and your modesty.

 

[lou_w34]

Tell him to shove it lol
Nah, the best thing to do, is when you go into labour, tell him afterwards, its not like he is going to know the instant you go into labour! I was in hospital for four days before i gave birth, and i didnt tell fob untill after i had her, then again, he wouldnt have troubled himself to come anyways.

Labour is such a personal, and emotional experiance, you dont want the added stress that fob will bring. So if you dont want him there, then dont have him there. He can still visit afterwards if your comfy with that.

And dont worry if he does happen to show up at the hospital, the nurses/midwifes will not let anyone in who you dont want there.

xx

 

[Blah11]

I'm trying to stay neutral... I don't think he should be IN the room when youre your most vunerable whilst giving birth but I do think you should tell him when youve had the baby and let him see her asap. Its still his baby and even though he was a shit to you it doesn't make him any less of a dad IYKWIM?

 

[carolyn_s]

I split with FOB a couple of months ago and things turned really nasty, when we first split i fully intended on letting him come to the hospital etc but after threats he has made i have been forced to reconsider this. At the end of the day you dont need excess stress and if you think he will make things difficult for you then you have to put you and baby first and stay strong! good luck x

 

[Maffie]

Messing around behind your back not only puts baby at risk of infection and STIs you can get from him so thats not been a great dad if he's putting the baby at risk for his own selfish gain. Also all that stress he's caused while you are pregnant isn't doing good for the baby either.

Dont have anyone there you dont want there. I know I certainly dont want my ex at the birth, he was willing to f*** around behind my back and not consider the children im certainly not hving the stress of him around while I have the baby.

Sorry if that sounds harsh to anyone.

 

[scottishgal89]

the fact he has cheated on you, hurt you, upset you and stressed you out while your pregnant is enough of a joke.
no he shouldnt be in delivery room. hes not going to support you properly and you need that when your in labour, someone you can depend on to help you threw.
my ex wasnt allowed into the labour ward either, he came in at visiting times the next day to meet lo for 45mins

 

[dom85]

No, labour and delivery are about YOU, not him. I do think you should let him visit at the hospital though rather than wait 24 hours.

 

[xJG30]

Personally it's down to you. Do what YOU want.

FOB wanted to come up when I was in labour and he tried to come up with his mum but was told by both me and the hospital, he would make things worse.

He had to wait a week before seeing him. Luckily for me, he lives 250+ miles away.

 

[SophiasMummy]

its in my pregnancy notes and birth plan that the FOB isnt allowed to be at my labour or even in the hospital as all he has done is stress me out throughout my whole pregnancy and make my life hell. i have also told him if he does show up he will be removed from the hospital as he has no legal right to be there. sounds harsh but i dont care

 

[scottishgal89]

its in my pregnancy notes and birth plan that the FOB isnt allowed to be at my labour or even in the hospital as all he has done is stress me out throughout my whole pregnancy and make my life hell. i have also told him if he does show up he will be removed from the hospital as he has no legal right to be there. sounds harsh but i dont care

i did the same