fob is trying to move in,is he using me or what? tired of it all

[Danie1stbaby]

advice ASAP

Here it is :

my fob and I have not been in contact.I have child support on him~ Last time we talked he called me all kinds of bitches and laughed at me being broken hearted over him.He also left me while pregnant for a teen prostitute...actual hooker.She had a kid this nov and he signed the birth certificate.I mean this man has drug me and my daughter through the mud..by the way the baby looks nothing like him and he said he cant afford a dna test ...wow so you sign the certificate?

I have told most of you this story

He has broken me down to the smallest cell.I never wanted to be a single mom,like most of us.His father catered her babyshower,his mom was at the baby's birth.It's like he put this chick on a pedastal...I was there for years and never got such a effort from him.he has allowed her to disrespect me,etc they laughed about my pain.

fast forward...I still stalk her fb page..I know..I should stop.She recently posted that she is spending new years with him...

rewind a little back..he is here at my home for the past few days saying he is off drugs now,wants to be in his daughter's life,my dumb ass allowed him to sleep in my bed.....lonely souls are so damn stupid!!!!,he claims he is not involved(mind you he tossed me away a month ago saying he was involved with this skeezer),he said he has been sleeping in a abandon house,so I let him stay.Now mind you,when he had some where to stay in our city ,he was laid up with the skeezer and never even called to check on my baby.Now that the hooker's mom does not allow him in her home,he can't stay there.Now he claims he wouldn't stay with her if he could and all of that is in the past....

his track record is terrible

so she also put on fb that she was meeting him at church today....really? i cursed him out on text and told him not to play happy family with me because he needed some where to go.That he can be a dad without being involved with me.He swear out it was all a lie and he never met her today or made plans for new year's with her.

he even invited me to go to church with him on new year eve to prove it is all a lie

he is a habitual liar and I do not trust his ass.

I was going to go with him for new year's but God forgive me I was pregg and depressed last new year's and wanted to throw on a dress and party instead,yet apart of me wants to go with him just to see if he is lying.

the hooker is a liar but so is he...

why am I going through this?
I can't see him on the streets
am I fool for doing this?
Am I setting myself up?
He has done too much to me,I don't want to be with him but it feels good to have a family atmosphere
I don't want to enter the new year on some bullcrap
my friend told me to do my good deed and get blessed for it
to continue to live my life as if he isn't here
I enjoyed ignoring him and cursing him out...not enjoyed but it's weird having him here
I am afraid he is using me and laughing behind my back
I am unsure of to think or do
He has came in and left as soon as he could before
Don't want my 8 month old in routine and then dropped again
what the hell is he up to?
I just want to be left out of his fuckery at the end of the day
I just want a good new year with no bs

advice ladies please

 

[Jade--x]

Sorry you're going through this hun he does sound a total ass! You have no obligation to give him a roof over his head at all. If he's for real about wanting to see his daughter he'll do it whether you offer him somewhere to stay or not. He's not your responsibility and after what he's done to you, there'd be no way in hell he would be staying in my house. You need to put you and your daughter first. There's places he can go for help if he's homeless. I'd tell him he's welcome to see your daughter and sort out when he wants to see her but you don't want a personal relationship with him and you don't want him staying round x

 

[davidjoemum]

He can see his daughter without being involved with you.i think he is using you bug time.i wouldn't be bothered with him if I were you Hun after what he done to you and his family jumping around this hooker like she is God knows who!no no from me toss him out and tell him to go back to his hooker you don't need that and it might be very painfull for you later if its comes out that he was using your feelings again.
All the best for you and your daughter and happy new year!

 

[fairydust87]

Why cant you see him on the streets? Hes a grown ass man you arent his keeper. Leave him to his teenage fancy and concentrate on being a good mum to your LO. Oh and delete him off facebook x

 

[Danie1stbaby]

Ladies thank you for your honest and real advice.I wish I could just fly away~ You are so right,it will hurt if I helped him and he is just using me.I feel God awful and last night I slept in another bed and left him in my bed.He tried cuddling before but this time he turned his back on me.Which ios weird bc I dont want him to cuddle,but the fact that he didn't made me believe that he is still in contact with that hooker.I honestly think that if he had somewhere to lay up with her,he wouldn't be here with us.He claims he has to be in contact with her for the baby,but the kid is not his,I bet all my savings on it.Yet he is claiming it and saying he cant afford dna blah blah.

I prayed to God weeks ago to take those out of my life that will hinder my daughter and I's growth.....then a few days ago my FOB is knocking at the door.Could God have gotten prayers mixed up? I wash his few clothes,feed him,give him a warm place....for what? when he left my baby and I out for the wolves and talked so badly about us.

I am a idiot and I did not want to enter the new year like this and I won't.He also sleeps with his cellphone underneath him....wow.

I don't have to go through this crap.Then he said his other child's mother is his friend because she never put child support on him.The child mother that is before me........he told me to put support on him because he was done with me and my child,and if I didn't he would go down there himself.Now he see it isnt so sweet~

OMG WHY IS THIS MAN IN MY HOUSE????? It's like I always wanted him there,but not like this.He has done too much and it is like ....why am I so weak? why can't I say,you can't stay here??????? I feel like a prisoner,never saw this happening...when 3 weeks ago he text me thinking I was the hooker,he was drunk,that he loved her and her kid more than me and my kid.....

somebody tattoo I am a idiot on my forehead....he knocked at my door......and I let him in lastnight....omg he said he changed...but I feel used....I am the only one he can stay with since he beat the hooker down...literally beat her up bc she was still giving blow jobs for money....he is banned from her mom's house.

 

[Jade--x]

Hon that sounds so messed up! You're better off way out of it and so is your daughter, especially if he's violent! I'd just tell him he's got to leave and if he doesn't you're calling the police, I imagine it must be hard for you but you really do need to just find the strength from somewhere and do it. Have a friend or family member with you if you feel he might kick off because by the sounds of it he's a nut job!x

 

[Jennifurball]

Sorry to hear what you are going through, love makes us do these things and they are shitty for playing on it and taking advantage.

Sorry I have no advice because I have been messed with too in my head and have been victim to falling for it and getting hurt and you always want to believe the best of them, but just keep your guard up, if he really wants to see your LO, then make him make the effort. Don't let him use to for somewhere to stay, he did this to himself by going with the hooker. Don't let him stay.

 

[Danie1stbaby]

You ladies are all 100% right.so my sister took him to church because he wanted to bring in new years there.He invited me after I accused him of probably meeting the hooker there,she put it on her fb.so I decided not to go,not going to spy on him while bringing in a new year.Plus I wanted to bring in new year's with my daughter,it's her first one.I enjoyed myself with my family~ I looked at the phone no call or text.everyone is like,he is still in church.I waited and nope nothing,no answer when I called.It is the next afternoon now,and still no contact.So I sent him a text,saying I will never let him back in our lives or space again.It is one thing to be a father to her and then leave,but to play happy home because you need somewhere to live...is just wrong.So now either he is staying with that hooker some where or what.

I was so heartbroken last year and in 2011 that I refuse to feel that way again.I am letting go and letting God.I can't handle that pain anymore~ So I went to deactivate my page on facebook and my account is locked...I can't remember my email password question.I gotta figure something out,so I refuse to let one tear fall on the first day of a new year.It hurts but I expected this and cannot set myself up like this anymore.If it is the hooker he wants ,then that is his life not my baby and I.

I wish I didn't love him at all or care at all.You have to keep them out of the picture to heal.I did enjoy seeing him with my daughter,yet I have to scratch that out of my head and keep it moving.She is a happy and great baby regardless~ I want a new way of thinking and a happier life in this year.I am so tired and drained,I can't take anymore

 

[Dezireey]

Sweetheart, get rid of this sorry excuse for a man in your life and sharpish. He has no concern for your feelings and has done terrible things to you. I have been down this path, offered my FOB a place to stay when he had none, when I ask him for favours it takes him weeks to do it, it was like pulling teeth. He is just useless and a poor excuse for a man. He didn't send a card or even respond to my well wishes for a Merry Xmas, because he doesn't celebrate it and I should respect his wishes.... he wishes merry xmas to all his work colleagues and friends but not to his own little son.

The pure relief I felt last week of deleting his existence from our lives permanently has made me so happy and relaxed. Do the same if you want any kind of happy life, do nothing for him. You owe him nothing, he owes you EVERYTHING.

 

[jaytee146]

Fob met his daughter when she was seven months old... prior to that I didn't see him for almost a year and a half. after he discovered I was doing well for myself.. had my own home and didn't need him for ANYTHING.. he started to come over to see the "baby" He wanted to lay and "play" at my home and do whatever he wanted... Eventually little by little he'd leave a article of clothing over my home, and started popping up unannounced... at first I thought since I was so lonely this could work.. but It was actually a burden.. he wasn't getting up helping with our lo.. sleeping in late, not cooking cleaning, nor was he playing support or helping with any of my bills. It got to the point were i was depressed and confused.. and I made the decision to pack his stuff up (mainly underwear and sleepers) and put them on the curb. I figured he was using me and like he always has using the baby as a way to get to me. He used her as he always has to see where I am and control what I do. He would only come over when our lo was sleeping or about bed time... because he intentions were to get me pregnant figuring i wouldn't go anywhere and no one would want me. Having him come over for those few weeks was the worse decision I ever made. I would lay in my home after he told me he poked holes in the condom (sorry tmi) and cry like a freaking baby.. I couldn't sleep.. and was honestly more down and depressed than I am now... Now he has a set time to come visit his daughter... if he comes through the door at eight by ten at the latest he needs to get the heck out and go back to wherever he came from... I refuse to let anyone stay with me that isn't carrying their weight. I advise you to do the same... I know you get lonely trust me so do i but I'd rather hold my lo at night and sob or NOT SOB than to let someone lay in my home and use me and my daughter... trust me fob as a track record as well including substance abuse so I know where you're at right now.. i know that you want your fob to be around and you probably haven't let go of the dream of you guys being a family... but having a family is more than just you wanting and praying for it.. it takes work.. continued work that my fob (i can't speak for yours) isn't capable of.. most guys know what it takes but just don't want to do it because they can go get with the next chick who doesn't require much work...

I'm living it with you...

O and another tmi... if i choose to have with fob then I go in to the situation fulling knowing what to expect.. i know that one night or a few minutes of pleasure doesn't mean he's changed.. that he's quit abusing the substances that he use to or that he's let go of his controlling ways... I will say that going through all that showed me that I don't feel the same way.... I'm not the same "fool" I use to be... and for that if nothing else i'm thankful to you and to your lo...

 

[Jennifurball]

Oh and this is coming from my ex when I told him I was getting my own place, his words were "oh at least I can come round whenever I want" - erm hello, who said you could? They just assume will will bow down to them.

Don't let him. We are better than this.

 

[Danie1stbaby]

Thank you so much ladies~ That made me feel a lot better,to know I am not the only one going through it,which I already know,but sometimes it is good to hear.Hugs back to you ladies and those beautiful babies

UPDATE :

He disappeared on New year's saying he was bringing it in at church
believe after he left there he went to be with that hooker
I know I said I would delete the fb profile but it is like a drug...hard to get off of
hurting myself I know
He called me at 1:30 new year's day to say happy new year
but you could not say it when I called you all night?
That night my mom called and said he was in the ER puking and was waiting to hear why?
She called to check on him,why this woman gives a damn about a man who threw her under the bus too....I have no idea
still no reason why he is in the ER....don't want him around my daughter sick....not sure if he is sick or too much drugs

My question is this,I am not sure if he showed interest in my baby because he needed some where to stay...but he seemed genuine.helping me with her and it was a relief but my gut was saying that I was being used......it is one thing to be a dad,but to be in my bed holding me one night and turning your back to me the next...i can't have it that way...it screws with my feelings.I don't even want to talk to the new guy I met anymore,just lost interest.

Now I am so disturbed that this man started a life with a ran through teen hooker,signed her baby's birth certificate,moved in with her in multiple places..and not once took up for or chose my child or even me....until he needed a place to stay.That is how I feel.....

HERE IS MY QUESTION TO YOU LOVELY LADIES :

He is showing interest in my baby,but as you see a few days ago,same drama...he just tried to hide it.....few weeks ago he was drunk(drunk people tell the truth) he said he loved the girl and her kid more than my daughter and I.

yes he said that.....and apologized for saying it.......according to the text he has said this more than once to the hooker

his own biological child

ok wow that broke me down I had to walk away from the computer to breathe for a second.can't believe this is my story,I just fell in love with a fool.He made my worse fear come true,to be a single parent.....I am so hurt

ok the question,should I allow him to come see his daughter if he makes a effore to?
does he deserve to see her?
can I trust him?
she is about to be 9 months....and will start to recognize faces,I don't want him to hurt her in the future and he swears he is different.
Am I protecting her or hurting her by keeping her dad away from her?

Can I get some advice please?

my mom is old fashioned and said let him be in her life....
bro in law says the same
brother says keep him away he's bad news
dad says keep him away or he will have him missing

I don't want to base my decision on how bad this man has treated me.......but at the same time,he has treated her bad too.he never even felt her move in my belly,but holding the hooker's belly in a picture.....omg my soul aches...when will the pain end...?? i thought I was stronger than this

 

[louisiana]

ok first off u are not an idiot BUT you need to stop sleeping with him.easier said than done true,but i can be done.

it totally sounds like he was using u.but i dont believe that should stop him seeing his daughter.

i dont think its a good idea for u to see him tho.i would offer him contact with someone who u trust present.maybe once a week till she gets to know him then go from there and u will find out if he is really interested.

 

[Danie1stbaby]

Thanks for the advice~ I did attempt to have sex with him,but something always stops it.It isn't meant to happen~ I would have no problem with him being a dad,if he didn't drop her or toss her away so many times for a teenage hooker.I kind of believe that children that don't know a no good parent are better off than the children that are lied to and treated less than by a no good parent.She was too young to remember ,but this man never chose her.He even said he loved the hooker and her kid,more than he loved me and my baby.How nice was that? My life is stress free without dealing with him at all

 

[jaytee146]

You just fell for the wrong guy.. not to say he's as bad person but just not the right guy for you at this point...Fob told me that he didn't want his daughter prior to me not showing interest in him anymore.. once I did that he started coming around wanting to see and be around lo.. As long as he's coming witht he intention to SEE YOUR LO then fine, however if you know deep down you aren't strong enough to turn down his advances, you're better off meeting him somewhere instead of allowing him in your home. For a while I'd have fob to meet me at my mother's or his aunts house to spend time with his daughter. eventually he was allowed to come over my house. What helped me to straighten up and view things differently was the little girl I'm caring for. I know she's watching every little thing I do and if I"m walking around saying O WO IS ME AND MY LIFE and chasing fob I am not fit to be a good example to her. I woke up and saw all the heart break I was causing by checking the fb page, and calling, checkin on him, asking about prior relationships and stuff it was affecting my prespective and clouding my judgement on being there for our child.. that energy could be used for something else... and trust me at this point with lo toddling around I need it