FOB making me decide.

[NattieK]

I went to see FOB today, because he has started complaining that he has only met Amélie once (she is 5 months old) and I thought for simplicity it would be easier. Even though we aren’t together, I always felt that he had a right to be included in things; I have made previous suggestions to him that he sees her once a week and he answers were something along the lines of “no because I didn’t want to you have it in the first place”.

So anyway, he texted me last night and asked if we could all meet today. I didn’t have any plans and stupidly agreed, thinking that maybe he has accepted some responsibility and is willing to grow up a bit. Or not. It was all going ok at first, he seemed to be enjoying spending time with Amélie.

Then he gave me two opinions. The first being we get back together and I do everything that he says and accept what he gives me and what he does to me. He seems to think by us being together he will somehow has less responsibility and won’t have to pay any money (I’m not too sure how this works in his brain). Towards the end of our relationship and when I told him that I was pregnant, he reacted quite badly, throwing things at me and being controlling and it sounds stupid but I felt pretty threatened by him even though he never actually caused any physical. The second option was that if I don’t do as he says he will report me to social services for being an unfit mother and a danger to myself and Amé and he will make my life a living hell. Thinking about it now, although he said it very calmly it wasn’t really an option at all. He said I have until Friday to make my decision.

Logically, I think it is very unlikely that he would go to Social Services. He obviously has an issue with me, but it will be too much effort for him and I don’t think he could be bothered. Even if he did, I know deep down that (or at least I hope) I’m not a bad or unfit mother. Yeah, I have days when I think I’m doing a rubbish job and when Amé won’t stop crying I am likely to cry myself because I can’t do anything, but I don’t hurt her, I feed her, I love her, I would do anything to protect her. She has clean clothes, a bed, a warm house, care. And most importantly unconditional love. Everyone says it, but I never knew it was possible to love someone as much I love Amélie. It’s just the fact that he is threatening to do this. Either way, I don’t want to put myself or Amélie in danger. I don’t understand how he thinks us being together will benefit him. I’ve thought about it again and again and every time I do, it makes less sense. Is it just me in thinking that him saying he wants us to be together is accepting more responsibility? And the way he phrased it wasn’t right. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but accepting what he does to me is ringing alarm bells. It’s a bit of a mess tbh. I don’t want to risk either option because I’m scared but then I don’t want to not do anything because I’m scared about that too :'(

 

[princessellie]

what a tosser! i would call his bluff, even if he does phone them, they will pretty sharpish see he is a waster and that you are a good mummy

x

 

[bloodbinds]

What a waste of space he is. Please please don't get back together with him, you and your daughter deserve so much better! I think he is just trying to scare you with social services, but even if he does report you, just be prepared for a 'surprise' visit from the social. As long as the house is in decent condition and that they can see she is clean and healthy and loved, then they won't do a thing. Unfortunatly, a lot of mothers are 'reported' to the social by a lot of people, jealous friends, bitter enemies, horrid Exs, when they don't deserve it - just to scared them or hopefully get them on the socials radar. It's a horrible thing to do and have done to you, especially when you don't deserve it. The social will check out any complaints they get, by law, they have to. It doesn't mean you are unfit AT ALL. You sound like a lovely person and you obviously love your little girl so much, and that is all that matters.

This guy sounds like a real dick, so call his bluff, tell him to bugger off, and IF the social services come round, then smile, make them a cup of tea, show them that you are just a normal mother who loves her daughter, and that there is no cause for concern. After they see there is nothing to worry about, they won't take your Exs complaints so seriously any more x

 

[MissEfendi]

He is being a bully. Ignore him. If he wants to see his daughter he can go via the Solicitors, that way you get no abuse or threats. You don't deserve his rubbish. Don't let him have any control over you.
And Social services will not take your baby away so please dont worry about that x

 

[Aidedhoney]

Hugs hun xxx cant really say anything that the others havent said, hes trying to bully/control you.


xxx

 

[kiwimama]

He sounds like a right idiot! I would not be getting back together with him ever - he's already shown you that he will be controlling and possibly become violent after his outbursts near the end of your relationship. You and your daughter deserve so much more than that. I don't think he would go to social services either - if he has any brain he will know they will just find you are a loving, caring mummy.

 

[Laura2919]

Thats just bully tactics!! He is basically saying im giving you two choices but really you can only accpet the first! Thats ridiculous, Dont be afraid of that and let him call social services.. they will soon see what a waste of time he really is and then you will be free to continue your life with your daughter..
Every parent struggles and its doubly hard for single mums who have it all to deal with on their own. I wouldnt worry yourself too much hun.

Dont wait til friday call him now and tell him quite frankly to f**k off!!!

 

[frankyzw]

He's emotionally immature. If he wants you back, why resort to threats. Ignore him and carry on with your life. What you resist, persists.

 

[NattieK]

Thanks everyone

I’ve calmed down a bit now and stopped shaking; yesterday I was a complete mess. I’m not going to get back with him, I refuse to give into him and what he wants all the time. I feel sick just thinking about it. People on here know that being a single mum can be hard, but I would rather have a small number of hard days than be with him and in a relationship.

I’ve told him that I’ve made my decision but I won’t talk about it via phone or text and if he really is interested he can meet me in a public place and I will tell him there. That way he can’t do anything to me or Amé. And I’ve asked a friend to come with me and watch from a distance, just to make sure everything is ok and also because I'm slightly scared about leaving the house by myself in case he tries to do something (unlikely but the thought freaks me out). Still waiting on a reply from him though.

If he decides to go ahead with his threat then what can I do? I'm clearly just going to have to accept that he doesn't want what is best for his child and that he is willing to put me through unnecessary stress.

 

[purpledahlia]

well your doing all the right things and he isnt. IF he does actually call them, just let him! you have nothing to worry about, like bloodblinds says, make them a cup of tea, show them theres no cause for concern and any future calls he makes they wont take seriously. He sounds like a little boy looking for some attention!Also he can explain it all to LO when the time comes! he is only making his own situation worse and basically cutting his nose off to spite his face. In the long term. Silly boy!

 

[Bingo]

You shouldn't meet with him, you should avoid all his calls and texts as well but keep a record of them because he has threatened you. What a vile individual. Don't be bullied into anything you don't want to do.

 

[hypnorm]

Keep a diary of everthing he is saying to you, keep and texts and answer phone messages.
Sounds like a really nice guy ...NOT.
I would start doing things through a solicitor now TBH.

 

[NattieK]

I saw him today. Don’t really know what to say. I told him that there is and never will be any chance of us getting back together and he needs to accept that we have a child and it is up to him if he wants to be included in Amélie’s life.

He said that he was going to make me pay for being such an messed up bitch and I don’t deserve to have a child and he will do whatever he can to ensure that Amé is taken off me. Then he pulled out the Muslim insults which is unfair not to mention totally irrelevant as I have chosen not follow the religion like my family does. My friend saw that it was getting a bit heavy, came and interrupted and took me and Amélie home. His parting shot was “you deserve to die, slag”.


I feel sick. I’ve given him too many chances and that’s it now, he has made it clear what he wants to do and I will not let him take Amélie off me. I love her too much for that to happen.

 

[purpledahlia]

OMG, what a vile vile person!! IGNORE him, he is not even worth thinking about! If i were you i would log everything and if you can get a restraining order then do that, And just basically ignore his existence! I'd move if possible but obv thats not so easy!

 

[Laura2919]

He is vile hun! You are so much better off without him! Your daughter is happy and healthy and let him try! He has a long long way to run before he gets anywhere! He will give up. He is just acting out at the fact he wants you back and you dont want him.. Ignore him from now on and if he gets too much call up your network and ask them to change your mobile number!

 

[MoonMuffin]

I'd go to the police and tell them he's threatened you, just so its on record (bring your friend that saw it so there is a witness on file too!), can't hurt to have it on file just in case.

 

[NattieK]

Thing is though, he hasn’t ever caused physical harm to me. So the police probably won’t take it very seriously, even if there is a witness. It’s stupid how words can make such an impact on a life, I start shaking just at the thought of leaving the house

 

[aurora]

Tell him you choose option #3...piss off!

There has to be another solution, those 2 are not options. :hug2: