lily2011
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Ok, I have kind of a weird situation going on and was just wondering if anyone else has been in the same boat and also any advice is much appreciated.
FOB lives 6 hours away from me and my daughter, who is 2 months old now. He was completely absent for the pregnancy and birth but somehow after she was born all of a sudden he wants to be a huge part. So while I feel like telling him to get lost, I am kind of just biting my tongue for my daughters sake since I do want her to know him. So he has been coming here to my house every other weekend for 2 nights each stay and sleeping on the couch. There is NO relationship between us other than being civil and cordial for our daughters sake, although he insists he wants to make it work. But I have zero interest in that, maybe it was 11 months of being completely alone, but I do not want anything physical with anybody right now and I am 100% not even attracted to him anymore for some reason.
Anyways, he is being very cooperative and paying child support, all on his own, this has not been to court at all. The thing is this...I HATE that I have to give up two weekends a month to "host" him. Am I just being extremely selfish? I am keeping my mouth shut for my daughters sake because I have mentioned to him that I feel it's best he finds accomodations elsewhere but then he tells me he is paying for a plane ticket twice a month, which is true, and that if I start demanding things like this, he will take things to court and I'll be sorry because he will ask the judge for time to take my daughter to where he lives. This TERRIFIES me. He lives in a big city, with no car and no family nearby and a disgusting male roommate who sits around and smokes weed and even though he tries to be helpful when he's here, he is CLUELESS when it comes to caring for an infant. He doesn't even let me run to the store when he is here with her yet he wants to try for long distance visitation!
My question is this...should I just grin and bear this situation until my daughter is old enough to travel to see him (I would not feel comfortable with any age under 3) or should I tell him he needs to find a place to stay and risk him getting upset and taking this to court and a judge giving him weekend visits? There is no law here in NY, it is only whats in the best interest of the child, and what if I get a judge that will allow this? I am exclusively BF so I don't feel it would be in the first 6 months anyway, but 6 months is still entirely too young for a child to be shuttled back and forth to a big city.
Thanks for listening.
FOB lives 6 hours away from me and my daughter, who is 2 months old now. He was completely absent for the pregnancy and birth but somehow after she was born all of a sudden he wants to be a huge part. So while I feel like telling him to get lost, I am kind of just biting my tongue for my daughters sake since I do want her to know him. So he has been coming here to my house every other weekend for 2 nights each stay and sleeping on the couch. There is NO relationship between us other than being civil and cordial for our daughters sake, although he insists he wants to make it work. But I have zero interest in that, maybe it was 11 months of being completely alone, but I do not want anything physical with anybody right now and I am 100% not even attracted to him anymore for some reason.
Anyways, he is being very cooperative and paying child support, all on his own, this has not been to court at all. The thing is this...I HATE that I have to give up two weekends a month to "host" him. Am I just being extremely selfish? I am keeping my mouth shut for my daughters sake because I have mentioned to him that I feel it's best he finds accomodations elsewhere but then he tells me he is paying for a plane ticket twice a month, which is true, and that if I start demanding things like this, he will take things to court and I'll be sorry because he will ask the judge for time to take my daughter to where he lives. This TERRIFIES me. He lives in a big city, with no car and no family nearby and a disgusting male roommate who sits around and smokes weed and even though he tries to be helpful when he's here, he is CLUELESS when it comes to caring for an infant. He doesn't even let me run to the store when he is here with her yet he wants to try for long distance visitation!
My question is this...should I just grin and bear this situation until my daughter is old enough to travel to see him (I would not feel comfortable with any age under 3) or should I tell him he needs to find a place to stay and risk him getting upset and taking this to court and a judge giving him weekend visits? There is no law here in NY, it is only whats in the best interest of the child, and what if I get a judge that will allow this? I am exclusively BF so I don't feel it would be in the first 6 months anyway, but 6 months is still entirely too young for a child to be shuttled back and forth to a big city.
Thanks for listening.
