FOB present at the birth?

[lily123]

Hey girls

I've wrote a very detailed birth plan (probably won't stick to it once labour starts haha) thinking about everything, leaving no detail untouched... apart from FOB. He really wants to 'wait at the hospital for the baby' in his words.

For a start i don't think he realises that generally women in hospital with hours and hours and HOURS of labour, and that babies don't just pop out on their due date

Secondly i reeeeally don't want him there! He never wanted the baby and tried for months to persuade me to get a termination 'just get rid of it' in his words, when he realised that i was not going to even consider it, he slowly came around. But he has not offered any form of help, he's mentally bullied me to the point of moving house, and just the other week he said 'Yes! Get in there, i don't have to pay child maintainance!' He's an immature idiot.
He says he has no money to buy the baby anything she needs, yet every weekend without fail he gets fuelled up on excessive amounts of alcohol and hard drugs!

Just the thought of him makes my skin crawl, so obviously i will not want to see him whilst i'm in the most pain of my life, legs akimbo for all the world to see!

I was planning to just call him the day after i've given birth and inform him that she's here, but do you think i'm being harsh? My mum reccomended that i do this, but i know for a fact him and his family are not going to be at all happy about it!

What did/would you girls do? Would really appreciate some help or examples Thanks so much!

Lily123

 

[Aidedhoney]

You have to do what makes you happy.......................If it were me i would call him the day after or if shes born in the morning that afternoon. Guess it all depends on how your birth goes.

Good luck x

 

[lou_w34]

I called FOB the evening after she was born, there was no way he was gunna be there for the birth, (not that he would have bothered comming down anyways, he wanted me to have a termination aswell)

If he was annoyed about it he didnt let me no, then again, there was not much he could do about it anyways.

Im glad i didnt tell him, i was in labour for around 3 and a half days, and dont no what id have done if he showed up and waited around that long.

My opinion is that if you dont want him there, or feel comfy with him being there, then he shouldnt be there, labour is a very personal and scary time for women, and i think you need to feel safe with the people around you. Not feel on edge, if i were you id just tell him after the baby is born.

 

[littlekitten8]

If you aren't comfortable with having him there then don't tell him you are in labour. He doesn't have any legal right to be there. I was in labour for 53 hours so I bet if I was in the same situation FOB wouldn't have stuck around. We were still together when I gave birth but I wouldn't have had him anywhere near me when I was in labour if we hadn't been! I think the best thing is just to phone him (or get someone else to) once LO is here and you are ready to see him. I felt so shit after giving birth (I lost 1litre of blood) so I didn't really want to see anyone! Lol.

 

[MissEfendi]

I invited my ex along in order to do the right thing, I wished I had not, he got on my nerves, and he caused so many problems and stress

 

[purpledahlia]

I was in Labour for about 4 n a half days, i could of easily told him, but i didnt. I text him after my section, he took 2 days to reply. whatever. but if you arent comfy with him there.. simply dont tell him. who cares what his family think, your thinking about your own family first! you can always tell a fib and say it happened to quick/forgot phone or something.

 

[MissEfendi]

Just so you are know, there is NO law saying you HAVE to have him there, whether you are married, single, whether he is the father or not, it is YOUR choice if you want him there or not.

 

[reversal]

I invited my ex now my husband to the birth but only because we were good friends and he'd been supportive, if i were in your case i think its a stressful but happy time and only you have the right to choose whats right for you and your baby,, good luck hope all goes well whatever you choose x

 

[suzanne108]

Personally I decided that I would rather have fob at the hospital than lingering around my house when I came home. I knew that his time would be limited in hospital! So I told him he could wait in the corridor at hospital as long as he gave me a few days to myself when I was home. The midwives were really good and said they wouldn't let him in if I didn't want him there (this was after Lola was born but I was still in delivery room.) I would have preferred him not to have been there but I dont look back and wish he wasnt because to be honest I was so out of it that I didnt care who was there!!

But I agree with the others...if you dont want him there its totally up to you, he has no right to be there at all. If thats what you decide just dont tell him. You never really know how its gonna happen anyway...I was in hospital 2 days waiting to be induced! X

 

[Linz88]

mybe call him a few hours after you give birth

 

[Linz88]

defo dnt wnt mine there,.. he sed he wnt cum tu scans or appointmennts bt wants too be at the birth.., dnt fink soo

 

[sleepinbeauty]

If you don't want him there, he has no business being there. Let him know afterwards.

 

[DizzyMoo]

I dont see what all the prob is with this hun, You dont want him there so thats it end of story really. For 1 dont tell him when you go into labour, 2. If its an induction/section & you have a date planned then tell him the wrong one 3. If for any reason he turns up at hospital then all you say to the mws is you dont want to see him & they will refuse him.
Just because he wants to be there doesn't mean he should be or that you have to let him, Jaxons dad wanted to be there & called me all names under sun for denying him that right, But ang on what right? He dont have any rights what so ever!
Jaxs dad denied he was his dad & we're doing dna now so im sooooooo glad i stuck to my guns. I told him i was going in to hospital late at night, the night before i was going in for my planned section, He never replied.
I then contacted to say he was born & i text his mum a picture i never once got a message off him & haven't since either. His mum is involved with jax though.
Ex's hun they aint worth it at all x