FOB update - recorded delivery letter and CSA

[Lemonflower]

An update on the sperm-donor.

*He visits LO 1 week after he's born has no contact since after I gave back the skanky secondhand clothes that day.
*My friend looked at his Facebook and he does not mention LO and being a daddy
*He is now engaged to his new gf of 5 months!!!

Bit shocked about hearing about his engagement and lack of interest in the son he wanted and planned with me - I had a little cry for the first time in ages about him.
We were together 6 years, he proposed a month short of 6 years and dumped me 12 weeks later.

He deleted a shed load of mutual friends off Facebook and got a new job - it's like he's erased his old life. Our city is quite small though - does he not feel embarrassed by his actions??? I dunno!

He said he'd get joint cudtody of LO though like I said I've heard nothing.

He's not on LO's BC - what would have to do to get the ball rolling for visitation.

I missed a letter which was sent recorded delivery to my address. I think this may be from him. I haven't picked it up yet and may not so it's returned to sender. Haha!
Shall I get a solicitor just incase!?

I have also decided to apply to the CSA last week. Thinking that if he has took steps to seeing LO then he can pay.
He'll get a nice shock when he receives their call next week.
Hoping he'll contest paternity and piss off.

I don't want such a fickle nasty bast**d in my sons life.

I'm sad I have to explain to LO what kind of man his "real" dad is.

Is anyone else dreading this?

 

[Dezireey]

Hugs xx

Totally understand the whole 'fickle twat' thing. Especially makes me super angry when a man plans a baby with a woman and then when she does get pregnant, he pisses off. Sheesh gone are the days now when a man was duty bound and had to marry a woman or take care of his kid or his society/ community would banish him or there would be a scandal. Men just dont give a toss anymore do they?

For the sake of my son, I am just going to tell him nice things about his dad but will just make it clear that he left us when he was in my tummy. I dont want my boy thinking in the future that I was to blame or pushed his dad away or anything.

I think you should fleece your chap for all you can get, he has behaved appallingly and if he wanted that baby he should contribute, damn straight!

 

[angelpkj]

id hang on for the csa
i left it ages because i didnt want to piss fob off and make him more determained to see LO

it can be soooo tempting to think right why the fuck should i pay for the child all by myself while fob spends his money on holidays nights out etc etc

but thats just the anger talking

its taken me a year to apply for csa because i have thought about it all very very carefully and didnt want to rush into it just to "get at fob"

 

[lemontree12]

i personally will be going to csa. with similar situation as u, he pissed off at the start and got a new girlfriend. which i know he was with from the start, when he was trying to trick me into an abortion. he made me homeless and with 9weeks to due date me and my little lo, still dont have a home, while he lives up life with his new girl, (which i use lossely, because whoever can go with a guy while hes doing this to his own flesh and blood shocks me) he literally has not given one ounce of care for me or this baby throughout. even to treat me like a human, after all we where together 4yrs. iv had problems with my pregnancy and fears for her health and still nothing.

i know from being with him he is a tight ass f**k and the only place that will make him hurt like is in his pocket. this is not the only reason y im going threw csa. i think he has taken the opportunity for my daughter to have a dad and grandparents away, i would like to afford to give her nice things and not scrape by for basics. so extra money is worth it.

i think men like these are disgusting. i truely believe in karma and something will happen that they will hurt as bad.

arent you intrigued by the letter? dont no if i could send it back, id be dying to know what it says?
x

 

[Lemonflower]

Yeah I was dying to know what the letter was but found out today it's a letter from my grandad - s**t!!!!!!!!

Gonna call the CSA and cancel my claim. Really hope they haven't already contacted him.
I want him to pay for his son but I'd rather not have the money and for him to keep away.
Like Angelpjk said about her fob I don't want my fob to become more determined to see LO and become p'eed off!
xxxx

 

[lemontree12]

yea do agree with u on that part, if i didnt go threw csa then i know i would prob never hear from him again with the fear id ever ask him for money (seriously hes that tight) but for reasons of wanting to make it pay for the damage hes caused but most importantly giving my little girl lovely things i think thats the road im going down. i also think he may be telling people that the baby isnt his, which is completely untrue and never done anything to doubt this, to which i can reply "well if its not his why does he pay every month"

god when did my life become so complicated. :/

 

[angelpkj]

worse comes too it
when they fail to pay up
csa will be after them and they will get in more and more debt

so offer to clear the debt if they fuck off for good

 

[lemontree12]

if they dont pay do they get in debt? and does it go on their credit history?

 

[TattiesMum]

if they dont pay do they get in debt? and does it go on their credit history?

They get into debt with the CSA and they don't just let it go ... the CSA have powers to take it from source (wages) by a direct from earnings order. As far as I'm aware it doesn't affect their credit rating but they can even take their driving licence from them as a punishment in severe cases ... which is a much better deterrent to be honest.

My ex was threatened with driving licence sanctions once and I've never seen anyone pay a debt so fast (and I've worked as a credit controller)

 

[lemontree12]

Oh I like the sound of the CSA more that I hear of them!

 

[Fraggles]

Unless they quit their job start a business and claim they are losing money then the csa make them pay nothing!

 

[NicolleM.T.B.]

I wouldn't have cancelled the CSA, he's made no effort in the slightest to be there for your LO. Why wouldn't you make him pay for them? I know exactly what you mean about having to explain it to your LO when they're older, i feel exactly the same. I just hope that I meet a good man before I have to explain so they have a good role model before I have to tell her about the dickhead sperm donor used to hate it when women called FOB that but now i 100% understand, its so sad x

 

[angelpkj]

still waiting to hear back from CSA a month on but on plus side fobs best friend gave me his new address so i've updated csa no running now

 

[Lemonflower]

Right - I have resubmitted my claim. He should pay for his son. I'll offer him access that a court will grant him anyway. Let him take me to court.
At least it will be done all officially so he can't bail or be inconsistent on LO.
xxx

 

[lemontree12]

i think youve done the right thing

 

[Lilymummy]

You're not on your own. There are loads of us out here. I lost my home, my job, my car to leave him for a better life. My daughter does ask about her dad but he is more interested in his own family and booze, as he always did. Another bloke who mithers for a child then can't be bothered. What is it with men these days? CSA are a waste of time unless you know where he works. I don't get a penny. He works and gets paid cash. Things will get better. Good luck hun.