FOB Visitation (UK)

[Mummy1995]

Just trying to work out in my head a little about when LO is here in regards to seeing her dad. I'd really rather stay out of court, as itll cause waay too much stress as Ill be home-schooling myself.

I would only like him to have supervised custody, preferably supervised by me or my parents. But anyways how many hours/how often do you think he would get visitation if we did go to court? I want to make it as fair as possible, but without him getting all the 'nice times' eg weekends - we are both in full time education but obviously she will be living with me. I will be breastfeeding also, which I know is an important factor, exclusively til LO is 3months, and then I will be returning back to school s will express when she goes to the childminder, and breastfeed when I am with her (assuming she takes to bottle/breast well).

I might also add, he has bought absolutely nothing or paid a single penny, so I have bought everything Ive got for my house, and he has absolutely nothing at his. But not sure if that's relevant?

Thanks girls! Im finding these last few weeks so stressful as theres so much uncertainty around what will happen with regards to FOB One minute hes there, the next he's not.. :/ xx

 

[fl00b]

if he doesn't pay for his baby, don't give him the benefits of seeing her regularly. i'd say once a week for 2 hours, as been as you're bf it can't be for long anyway.

if he misses one meeting or makes up a lame excuse, that's enough to stop him from seeing LO. imagine how she'd feel when she was older and her daddy couldn't be bothered to show up.

xx

 

[Mummy1995]

Okay hun, thankyou! And yeah I've warned him that he has one chance, and one chance only, and if he fucks it then thats it! It's not fair on me to be messed about and especially not fair on my girl to get her hopes up (assuming hes a good dad) for them to then be broken because he doesnt turn up or something! xx

 

[helen_beee]

Heya hun, I thought I could tell you my situation as they are kinda similiar.

FOB messed me around a lot when I was pregnant so I ended up cutting him out of my life but said I would contact him when baby was here. I did and I invited him to my house. When he came to meet LO I explained that Saturday's would be his day, supervised at my house until I trusted him enough to take him out by himself (but explained that he had a lot of ground to make up and I made all the decisions). I also told him to work out how much he could afford. Next Saturday he came to my house, he still hadn't given me any money or anything for LO or tell me what he would give me per week. He told me he didn't know what he could afford but would give me money at the end of every month.

He didn't turn up the next Saturday, didn't contact me for a long time and also never gave me any money. Then I found out he was still using drugs - his way of celebrating the birth of my son was by smoking a spliff with daddy written on the side of it! I refused visitation when he next contacted me as I wouldn't have him messing my son about. I've not heard from him since (a month ago) and still not received child maintenance from him.

I contacted a solicitor to see if I was doing the right thing and they said that if he wanted contact he would need to contact a solicitor to get the ball rolling. He hasn't. As long as he leaves us to get on with our lives I want nothing from him. A lot of family law solicitors will give you advice for free xx

 

[KayBea]

hey hun,
ive just allowed FOB to have access for 2 hrs on a sunday at my mums,
but hes not bothered with her for the last 4 months so dont think he will start now.. no money, no asking how she is etc...
xx

 

[Jennaxo]

If you wanna keep out of court you'll need to talk to FOB and sort something between yourselves. I make FOB ask well in advance when he wants to see Caleb and it has to fit into my schedule, I take him round there house and stay with him, I don't trust FOB with my baby, especially with his mood swings due to his bipolar. But don't do anything you're not comfortable with, you're her mother, you know what's best!

 

[Mummy1995]

Do you girls think one maybe two hours a week on a Saturday or Sunday at mine (he has nothing at his for her+his family dont like me so wouldnt be happy going there to supervise) is fair? And then review it at 6months when I plan to stop breastfeeding and see what hes been like and maybe up the time to an afternoon a week etc? It seems harsh to me but then I want to be able to do things with just my family :/ xx

 

[teal]

I know it's easier said than done but try not to stress out about this too much when you should be trying to enjoy your last few months of pregnancy I'd personally just wait until he contacts you about access. Since you'll be breastfeeding he isn't going to be able to get any unsupervised access anyway since your baby will be fed on demand.

I don't mean this to sound harsh but the courts won't care if he hasn't contributed while you're pregnant - they'll only care about his actions etc after baby is here. I'm assuming this is based on him not having any rights until the baby is born.

Do you get on ok with FOB?

Hope you're alright xx

edit - also I feel if he is getting to spend time with LO he should be financially contributing, regardless of whether he receives benefits or not. Why should he get to swan in for nice visits without any responsibility?