Follow up appt today.

[yazoo]

So I had my follow up appt today with consultant. I was so scared & nervous & really not looking forward to it. Being in the hospital was so much harder than I expected. Sitting in the same area where I waited for my scan was just awful and brought back all the memories and what ifs. Then out walked the doctor who delivered Jakob ( not my consultant) & I ran to the toilet in tears. I don't know why but seeing her made me so so upset. The tears settled down and I sat back in the waiting room & out walked my OB with a big pregnant belly. My heart sank. I don't know if its jealousy or what it is but I am a little weird around pregnant woman and look the other way if I see one. She was lovely though and seemed to really understand the emotional and psychological impact loss has (she actually has a heart as opposed to some doctors I have witnessed during my pregnancy).

Anyway the results from the placenta were not back which is a little annoying but hey. Basically I had a subchorionic hematoma all along but it went unnoticed. It eventually grew to 10x8 cm and ruptured the membranes which brought on labour. I was checked for a clotting disorder as well as other things but she said she does not think I have any of these and this was just a random thing related to that pregnancy and she said the chances of it happening again and having such a bad outcome were less than 1% which is good. HOwever I am a little uneasy with statistics right now but still it is a good percentage.

She said we can try again as soon as we are ready. I have to go back again in 7 weeks for the histology results and results from blood tests and hopefully I'll have a wee rainbow cooking by then but I doubt it.

 

[mhazzab]

I'm glad you got an answer as to what happened, and it's great news they say you can try again when you are ready, I'm so happy for you. It's nice to know it's not something that will affect a future pregnancy.

good luck with your rainbow

xxx

PS I'm 16 weeks on from losing my girls, and still feel the same as you about pregnant ladies...so it's not just you! I'm hoping my own rainbow will help with this

 

[collie_crazy]

I'm sorry the hospital was so hard for you. I know how you feel - its horrible being back there - it really does invoke all the memories so much stronger. And the seeing others pregnant is normal - it breaks my heart and I suppose it is jealousy because we desperately want what they have.

I'm glad you got some answers and that your OB was quite reassuring. But I understand what you mean about the statistics thing -- we already have beaten the odds of pretty rubbish statistics so whilst 1% might be reassuring to others to us its certainly not But I hope you are able to take at least a little bit of hope from the meeting today

Good luck for your rainbow!

 

[Nikki_d72]

I'm glad you've got that out of the way, I know the waiting and wondering before the follow up is a killer. I'm also glad that they had a reason for you and it's unlikely to happen again. Good luck on TTC, I hope you get your rainbow soon. xxx

 

[SarahJane]

So pleased you got at least some answers

I totally understand the pregnant women thing, I still get that sometimes now and I am 6 months on!

So pleased you have the all clear to have a rainbow, keeping my fingers crossed for you xo

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so deeply sorry for your loss, but I am happy you got some answers. I never got any answers and it hurts so very much the not knowing why
I want you to know I wish you all the best for the future ..
XOXOOXOX

 

[Hellylou]

I'm glad you've had some clear answers (even though the process was difficult, but you got through it), and it sounds very reassuring to know that you are clear to try again with a good chance it wont reoccur.

Keeping everything crossed for your rainbow x

 

[yazoo]

Thanks ladies,

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has that feeling towards pregnant women. I guess its normal though.

For me also seeing newborn baby boy clothes in the shops is a killer. I find it so hard and always end up teary eyed so I try to avoid it but recently myself and my friend were in a store and she was looking at clothes for her 6 month old baby boy and she was asking me what I thought etc etc. I don't think she understood the impact it was having on me and I was trying to answer her about what I thought but I just walked away and explained to her I couldn't look at them. Needless to say she was very sorry and admitted she did not realise that such a small thing would be so hard for me.

I just hope this baby making thing doesn't take long now. I really would love to be pregnant by Christmas but I'm not going to get my hopes up just yet.

I hope all you lovely ladies are doing ok. Your all so nice and I'm glad I have you all to share this with.