for those of you whos FOBs will have no involvement at all..

[staycutee]

especially ppl around my age (21)

what do your parents say about this? are they trying to force you to contact him to get him involved? mine keep on trying to and dont seem to grasp the fact that it isnt going to happen. they keep saying i must have a "screw loose" (my dad said that anyway) cos i keep getting into a panic whenever he brings it up.

i wish they would just accept that i do not want him on the birth certificate, idont want to tell him when lucas is born, i dont want ANYTHING to do with him! and its not like im doing this like against FOBs will,he couldnt care less. my mum keeps saying "you owe it to the baby".. as if it is my fault FOB isnt around? i have tried to talk to him in the earlier stages on my pregnancy (well 20 weeks was the last time) and all i got was "cant beleive you are still going through with this". so how its my fault i dnt know

 

[lillprutten]

MY OH is the same. Though my parents dont say much, they know I cant force fatherhood on him. All I can do is keep the doors open for him and hope for him to change his mind.

Mine said today (again) that he will leave the country to a place where noone thinks they will find him.
So my hopes arent high that he will take his responsibility.
I am afraid fatherhood wont even get settled and the papers will say "father unknown" because he will most likely run away It makes me so sad.

 

[expecting09]

My parents didnt really say anything, they dont really know the situation anyway.

All they know is he doesn't live close and wants nothing to do with her. The only thing my dad said was to make sure I go through the CSA lol

 

[sweetlullaby]

I only have my mum and gran really and I know that they dont say exactly whats on their minds but they do not think much of FOB in the slightest.

Anytime i voice any concerns to my mum she listens and tells me that its up to me etc and that i have to make my own decisions as she doesnt want to influence what i decide to do etc.

Im glad that she's doing this and she knows the full situation etc and knows that i dont know whats gonna happen etc and whether FOB actually wants to be involved or not.

But none of my family are pushing me to try and make FOB be involved or anything

 

[teal]

My ex ended things when I refused to have a termination - never thought I'd be saying that at 25!

My family and friends know the situation and have accepted that he isn't going to be involved. It's not my choice but he's changed his phone number now and made it difficult for me to contact him so it's really out of my control now.
xx

 

[lillprutten]

Oh and by the way I am 25.

 

[lou_w34]

I kinda get the same of my mum, but i just glare at her and she shuts up. She even told me to get back with him?!?!?!? Even though she now knows everything he's done. The one thing she is set on now is me going through the CSA, but im not sure i even want to do that anymores... Id rather me and scarlett could just forget him like he forgot about us and get on with our lives.

I think they do it cos they worry about us and because they care... i guess when they were growing up, if this happened they would have a shotgun wedding, and they cant get their heads around us actually wanting to do it alone. They just need to learn to watch what they say lol

I expect (hopefully) by the time the babies are here, they will be too involved in them to give FOB much of a thought.

I have no idea if my ex will ber involved or not, but from his past behaviour... i doubt scarlett will be getting anything from him.

 

[staycutee]

oh god!! i dont want the csa involved either. like usaid i just wanna forget about him completely i wish they would get that. i guess its up to us at the end of the day though i just hate battlign with them xx

 

[lou_w34]

Me too, the more i can forget about him the happier i will feel. I think they will soon get the message though, afterall they can only go on about it so much!!! Makes me want to scream when they start going off on one though!

Luckily my dad agrees with me not to put him on the BC... he actually surprised me there as we do not have a good relationship at all. So at least i dont have to fight anyone over that one!

 

[tinkabells]

My parents said to me, not to go after him and that they would help me, but i said no, his looking after his 1st kid, he can look after hollie!!
So then they said they would stand by me, but tbh, we never speak about him, my mum only met him twice and that was like 2 mins at a time xxx

 

[AmyMarie]

Im sorry to hear your situation, but it is your choice in the end of the day if you dont want contact and by the sounds of his reaction at 20 weeks, he doesnt deserve to know, my family were the opposite... they wanted me to tell him i lost the baby. I wish you all the best of luck with everything and see your due soon so BEST of luck with that, i hope everything will go well for you and your baby remember to do whats best for you and him, dont let anyone pressure you to do things you dont feel is right xxx

 

[suzanne108]

Like Lou said....in our parents days things like this probably didn't happen. People would stay together for the baby whether they wanted a relationship or not. So sometimes we need to remember that our parents don't fully understand and need to get into this century hehe!!

My mum always seems to be on my side....but then every so often she'll make a comment which makes me think that she doesn't agree as much as she says she does. She doesn't give me her opinion too much cos she just kinda lets me get on with it.

In your situation missmurder, its not like FOB wants to be involved and you are pushing him away....you haven't heard from him and he doesn't want to be involved. So if I was you I'd stick to your plan....whats the point in harrassing him with details that he doesn't want to know?

Be prepared for him popping back into your life one day. I've had to deal with that and its not nice. My FOB has now decided he wants to play a big part and its verrrrrry hard for me to let him...but I have to think of LO and very cautiously let him be involved. xx

 

[staycutee]

thanks so much everyone! im the sort of person who feels like i always need my mums approval on decisions i make, weird i know. but this is the most important choice i have to make and it has to be whats right for ME and lucas, not to please my family i suppose!
thanks again xxx

 

[suzanne108]

thanks so much everyone! im the sort of person who feels like i always need my mums approval on decisions i make, weird i know. but this is the most important choice i have to make and it has to be whats right for ME and lucas, not to please my family i suppose!
thanks again xxx

I know the feeling....I hate it when my mum even hints that she disapproves of anything I do. But you know, mums make mistakes as well sometimes and they aren't always right

 

[MissE007]

My mum's not really bothered in the sense that she understands the situation. She wasn't happy about me continuing with the pregnancy, but she hasn't hassled me about contacting him because we speak about the situation and she understands I've tried/am trying my best. I think she thinks its best to move forward as best I can without him for the time being.

 

[purpledahlia]

I am the same missmurder, My parents arent happy, theyre coming round and now my mums starting to show some excitement n stuff, but they are mad at him, the only way my dad will accept him is if he moves up here and takes responsibility like any father should, and he means properly taking care of me and the baby. Thats never gonna happen so theyre never gonna accept him because he is full of shit! He says things he wants and stuff but its all unrealistic and he has no idea what its gonna be like. He is starting to learn a bit and is moving to a cheaper flat and things, but its no big movement. He offered to give me 150, thats now been reduced to 80, so ive asked him to order the bouncer and the steriliser/few bottles/breast pump feeding box set. 2 things thats all, My parents just think he is a waste of space so not that overly bothered about me making effort with him. But they do worry about my future and get stressed about it.