Forced Marriages - Tonight BBC3 - 9pm

[Lightworker]

Hi!!!
There's this documentary tonight on BBC3, about two different girls as their families force them to marry someone they don't like.
Was wondering if anyone will be watching? I will update tonight after watching. x

ETA- The first segment was about Jesi(sp), a British girl originally from Bangladesh. She spent most of her life in Bangladesh, unlike her siblings, and she was being married for the purpose of her husband obtaining British citizenship. Her marriage was arranged when she was 11. They were forcing her to marry her cousin, but luckily, the British Consul stepped in quite quickly and in line with her wishes, rescued her. After getting back to England, she went back to college, and got her own flat. She was ex-communicated from what I can tell.

- The second bit was about this lady called "Alia". She was coerced into marriage, I think and tortured as well by her father. So she ended up marrying the guy in Pakistan and was forced to live there. She knew the only way she'd be allowed back would be to get pregnant, as they would allow her to give birth in England. Anyway, so she came and gave birth, and after a few months, the family decided it was time for her to go back to her husband in Pakistan. At this point she decided to contact the authorities to escape. Initially she was going to leave her son behind as she didn't want him to experience the upheaval. However, they said that they would send the son back to Pakistan, so she changed her mind and went back for him. They are then taken to a women's refuge. Later though, "Alia" is urged to take her son to Pakistan, for a visit to his dad. However, the authorities tried to discourage her given that they cannot extend their protection to her over there. She was talking about trying to make it work with her husband. Initially she said she would go to Pakistan for 2 months maximum. She however has been there 9 months, and is expecting her second child.

 

[shellie]

I might watch that if my OH will let me without moaning. I also want to watch Dispatches about the gypsy eviction on channel 4 at 8pm. I don't usually watch much telly but they look interesting. xxx

 

[summer rain]

I'll be watching it but not surprising that they have chosen two seemingly Muslim girls to take part (although names have been changed so that may not be the case), forced marriages are common amongst Hindus and Sikhs as well and the main charity in the UK dealing with forced marriages was founded by a Sikh woman who herself was a victim and if you read the testimonials on the site-they appear to be of several faiths

https://www.karmanirvana.org.uk/

I knew myself a sikh girl whose parents said they'd shoot her if she ever came home because she refused to marry the man of their choosing; and a hindu woman who was drugged and married at knifepoint in Oldham-these are not isolated cases either. Men are also victims of forced marriage; I knew a Pakistani boy of 17 with learning difficulties who was forced to marry a cousin in Pakistan, again this is rarely publicised. There have also been cases of forced marriages in ultra orthodox Jewish communities in the UK and even amongst some extreme Christian sects (where almost all their followers are white Britons). I'm not saying they should not show Muslim victims of this but at the same time they do a disservice to the many ladies of other faiths who are victims of this type of crime; because people simply don't know they exist xx

 

[AirForceWife7]

I wish I lived in the UK, I would definitely watch it! x

 

[robinator]

So would I!!

 

[Lightworker]

Non-UK ladies, have you been to the BBC website? They usually have an iPlayer and you can watch re-runs of what's been shown on TV. x

 

[Lightworker]

I'll be watching it but not surprising that they have chosen two seemingly Muslim girls to take part (although names have been changed so that may not be the case), forced marriages are common amongst Hindus and Sikhs as well and the main charity in the UK dealing with forced marriages was founded by a Sikh woman who herself was a victim and if you read the testimonials on the site-they appear to be of several faiths

https://www.karmanirvana.org.uk/

I knew myself a sikh girl whose parents said they'd shoot her if she ever came home because she refused to marry the man of their choosing; and a hindu woman who was drugged and married at knifepoint in Oldham-these are not isolated cases either. Men are also victims of forced marriage; I knew a Pakistani boy of 17 with learning difficulties who was forced to marry a cousin in Pakistan, again this is rarely publicised. There have also been cases of forced marriages in ultra orthodox Jewish communities in the UK and even amongst some extreme Christian sects (where almost all their followers are white Britons). I'm not saying they should not show Muslim victims of this but at the same time they do a disservice to the many ladies of other faiths who are victims of this type of crime; because people simply don't know they exist xx

Yeah I hope it won't be a Muslim-bashing thing. I know forced marriages take many different forms, even I am sure in some of the Western societies, girls can be coerced to marry certain men for the sake of status, wealth etc. I know the Masaai in my country still partake in forced marriages, and its an issue that is not restricted to a particular religion or culture.

I was reading this book about Zana Mohsen and yeah, she mentioned that some of the husbands were very reluctant to marry an unwilling girl, and some were actually whipped by their parents, so it is a 2-way thing, but not many people consider the other face of the coin. x

 

[xCookieDough]

Thanks honey, definitly will be watching tonight with my OH, seems like a interesting program.
---xo

 

[Lightworker]

From my understanding, it seems there is no law that prohibits British parents sending their children to other countries to marry them off. The only time it becomes a potential offence is within the context of Immigration law, in so far as a man marrying a British citizen fraudulently, for the sake of British passport. There is a sort of roundabout provision to prevent forced marriage of under-age girls by raising the age of sponsoring a husband to come to the UK to 21, that way they seem sure that the girl is of age, and perhaps they take this to mean the marriage is consensual.

There seems to be no outright, explicit law that attempts to protect the vulnerable girls. But even if there was a law, its easy to see how some girls, whilst they may not be forced, may be manipulated into thinking that thats ok for them to marry older relatives etc. Like the case of "Alia". It seems like its something that requires some more publicity.

 

[summer rain]

iplayer has controls within it so it only works in the UK. I know some genuine couples who have been victims of the only spouses over 21 years can come here rule, including my BIL who applied for his wife to come here (it was a genuine love marriage, nothing even arranged) just before they made the age 21, due to an error on the part of the home office they rejected his application but said the age is 21 now, so tough, his wife was just turned 19 so they would have been seperated for two more years. Thankfully they took the home office to court and won and the judge even said this '21 year old' rule is stupid, irrelevant and won't prevent forced marriages-as it only applies to people bringing spouses from abroad and it may even have the counterproductive effect of those girls (and boys) being sent abroad to enter into a forced marriage; being trapped in the country in question (and possibly subject to abuse and resentment from in laws) until they are of the right age to bring their husband or wife over. xx

 

[AirForceWife7]

Non-UK ladies, have you been to the BBC website? They usually have an iPlayer and you can watch re-runs of what's been shown on TV. x

I'm gonna check it out tonight! Thanks!

 

[Lightworker]

iplayer has controls within it so it only works in the UK. I know some genuine couples who have been victims of the only spouses over 21 years can come here rule, including my BIL who applied for his wife to come here (it was a genuine love marriage, nothing even arranged) just before they made the age 21, due to an error on the part of the home office they rejected his application but said the age is 21 now, so tough, his wife was just turned 19 so they would have been seperated for two more years. Thankfully they took the home office to court and won and the judge even said this '21 year old' rule is stupid, irrelevant and won't prevent forced marriages-as it only applies to people bringing spouses from abroad and it may even have the counterproductive effect of those girls (and boys) being sent abroad to enter into a forced marriage; being trapped in the country in question (and possibly subject to abuse and resentment from in laws) until they are of the right age to bring their husband or wife over. xx

Yeah thats true. I remember a lady on here, Kalah I think, was also subject to the unfairness of that rule.

I didn't know iPlayer only works in Uk.

 

[lesleyann]

I watched it and while I feel sorry the girls/boys who are forced into it the Second girl had been "saved" and yet still decided to go dispite all the help she was given and I just dont understand why? When the bit came up at the end saying she had now been there for 9 months just before the next bit popped up the first thing in my head was and is pregnant again!

 

[Lightworker]

Yeah I totally know what you mean. I was also shocked at the fact that after all that she decided to go back. I think it might be due to pressure from the family, and also the type of upbringing she had.

For example, she may have grown up believing that she had to earn her parents love and pride by behaving in line with their practices, and to depart from the norm is hard I think, in any situation, not just marriages, so maybe she preferred to stay married and keep her relationship with her parents. It sucks though

 

[summer rain]

Remember how I said that a judge said the 21 year old spouse rule was stupid and irrelevant and should be overturned? Well it seems they have taken it to the supreme court and the judges there agree

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-15272121