Friends that bring out the worst in your child........what to do??

[Abz1982]

DD has a friend. They can have lots of fun together, BUT, DD changes in her company.
Today she was over and I warned them not to take all the toys out as they would have to put them away. Well they did and then when told to put them away when getting ready for friend to go home, well, she wouldnt. She sat and watched DD do it , whilst saying it was stupid and continually refusing to help DD, even when DD was saying how she(dd) was going to get into trouble for the mess. Then she called DD an idiot and said she hated her. At this point DD EXPLODED and was a mix of upset and enraged at this girls attitude - She wanted her out of the house NOW. (and to be fair so did MIL and OH, who will treat any child in our house how he treats his own, so that means reprimanding as well). This then upset DS. We actually thought he had been badly hurt as he was so upset his big sis was upset that he then was trying to get to teh girl to hit her (He has decided that hitting solves problems , we are working on him not doing this as he is a big loon for a toddler and pretty scary when he is red faced and angry)

She was winding DD up and DD was unfortunately retaliating. And I hate her doing that, as its not nice. I am getting her to work on just walking way from the situation.

This girl can be really nice, but in the same breath can be vile. They aren't in the same class next year, which DD is happy about. But I don't know what to do. Should I tell DD that maybe they shouldn't be friends? Or leave them to it? Its like a soap opera with them. She can be ecstatic to utterly depressed in one week, which I do not feel is good for her.

Help. I need advice!

 

[RachA]

I would say limit the amount of time they see each other out of school.

I don't think telling your DD that they shouldn't be friends is a good idea as it could push them closer together. If you keep reinforcing the good behaviour to your DD then she'll see that this friend isn't really being a good friend and your DD will make her own choice not to be friends.

If either of mine have friends that I don't feel are good for them then I limit out of school meetings between them.

 

[Blu10]

I would say limit the amount of time they see each other out of school.

I don't think telling your DD that they shouldn't be friends is a good idea as it could push them closer together. If you keep reinforcing the good behaviour to your DD then she'll see that this friend isn't really being a good friend and your DD will make her own choice not to be friends.

If either of mine have friends that I don't feel are good for them then I limit out of school meetings between them.

I agree completely x

 

[jd83]

I agree with pp, I would limit their time together. Maybe it wouldn't be nearly as bad in small does, iykwim. I wouldn't want that behavior rubbing off on my child, either, but at the same time, I agree with pp that forbidding them being friends may backfire and have the opposite effect you are wanting. Limiting their time wuld likely work best, and maybe increase play date times with better friends. If she's around better behaving friends, maybe she'll decide on her own that she prefers playing with the ones who treat her and her belongings better.

 

[Cattia]

I have a similar issue with a friend and it's tricky as her mum and I are close so we see a lot of them. She can be very bossy and unkind to my DD who then reacts and ends up getting herself in trouble. When they get along its great but she is a very dominant character and if there are other children around she will sometimes use them to gang up against DD so that she can be the ring leader. If they are just one on one then I watch it carefully and if I think they've had enough of one another we will try to gi've then a break from one another for a few days. If there are activities where this child will be there along with others I tend to avoid taking DD where possible as I know the dynamics won't be good. They are not at school together so I work hard to get DD to invest in other friendships.