Frustrated after MC!

[Britonthego]

My boyfriend and I just experienced a MC in December. It was not a planned pregnancy, as we are both about to finish up college and haven't been together all that long (half a year.) It was really rough at first, he wanted me to have an abortion but I stayed my ground and continued on with the pregnancy. He came around nearly instantly once he realized what an ass he was being. Ever since he has been extremely supportive.. And when we miscarried he was truly heart broken. But now I am having serious issues surrounding this whole debacle! We are planning on getting married two years from now. (He wants to wait until he is "secure" in his job.) That is frustrating to me, but I get it. I just came out of a three and a half year engagement that ended miserably -- I know now not to rush things. It's just that I want a child so badly and he is no where near that point. He wants to wait until I graduate from Law school (assuming I get in) which will be four years from now! Four years!!! The worst part is that I see how logical this all is. I'm 22, I love to go out, I really can't take care of a child right now.. But I still want one. I feel like it's the only thing that can make me TRULY whole again. Does this feeling ever go away? Is it the recent MC that is making me so baby crazy? Ahhh.... I'm sorry to sound like such a negative nancy but most of my friends think that I'm crazy for even wanting a child and for attempting to keep the pregnancy in the first place. Now I feel like our sex life is affected by this MC. We are using condoms and birth control. He hounds me every day to take my pill, which I can do on my own. He doesn't trust me so that makes me not want to sleep with him....

WOW. That felt good getting it all out there! Haha. Advice, similar venting stories are welcomed!

 

[kittylady]

First I will give you a hug

Now I totally agree with you. I am doing a law degree atm and all I can think about is starting a family. However you would probably need a year out which means 5 years before you graduate and you need your OH to want it too

BTW you aren't mad at all ^^

 

[fuffyburra]

I was in the same position last July, I had a MC and didn't even realise I was pregnant. It was devestating for both me and OH because although, like you, it obviously wasn't planned, the baby wouldn't have been unwanted. It's made even harder by the fact that you can't begin TTCing straight away afterwards, though your body's telling you DO IT DO IT DO IT!!
The feeling of never being whole again does go away, maybe not completely, but it becomes easier to keep the monster at bay after a few months
So sorry for your loss m'lovely, the best thing to do is pick yourself up, dust yourself down and do everything in your power to make the best out of your life, for you and all your future babies Make sure they've got everything they need when the time is right, etc. and until then make sure you and your OH are on the same page and he realises he's just gonna have to trust you. Despite being a bit freaked out he sounds like a keeper
Sorry again, we'll look after you here in WTT xx

 

[Amygdala]

I can't really add anything to what the other girls have said about wtt. But I would say talk to him again about your contraception/sex issue and how his mistrust hurts you. And anyway if you're using condoms as well then he's got an easy way to control those and shouldn't be so paranoid. I think you need to point out to him that yes, you do want a baby, but you also see why waiting is better for you both and that you'd never trick him into having one. I wouldn't want to sleep with him either if I felt he didn't trust me.

 

[Britonthego]

Thanks for all of your words of encouragement all! It is really helpful to know others have gone through this same situation. I finally cracked and laid everything on him last night. Thank god I did, because we figured out a way to fix the sexual trust issues.

I'm glad to know that others have experienced that bodily need in direct opposition to the logical need. I seem to be feeling better today. Mostly, I'm just glad I found this forum!

 

[fuffyburra]

I'm so glad the chat went well and you can figure out the trust issues. I found that it brought OH and I closer together, and made our relationship stronger, it's nice to hear the same has happened for you Best of luck with everything and I look forward to getting to know you better! xx

 

[kittylady]

Glad your feeling better

 

[curlygirl87]

hello read your story so thought i would reply i have never experienced a m/c so have no idea what you must be feeling but im truly sorry for your loss. I am also studying in my final year at uni and my b/f wants to wait until i get a secure job too. I think the reason your partner wants to wait is because it did not happen to him i know he is probably upset about the m/c but he cannot understand what you must have gone through as a women, you must have been preparing yourself for motherhood that feeling wont just go away, i sopose thats harder for a man to understand, i would say just try and chat as often as you can to each other and be really honest if you want a baby you want a baby theres no piont hiding it from him hope this helps in some way