Frustrated with FOB.

[_ck]

I'm about 11 weeks pregnant now, (don't have the ultrasound to confirm the due date till the 20th). I told the FOB about a few days after I found out myself, which was about a month ago or so. He was really supportive at first, telling me that he was going to be here for me no matter what. He always told me to keep him updated on what's going on with the baby. And I've been sending him texts and he has been ignoring me for the past 2 weeks. I finally was able to get a hold of him because I talked to his best friend, and had him tell the FOB to smarten up, and show some responsibility. FOB text me right after saying "sorry, i've been working 14 hours shifts" blah blah blah, and he also said that "i can call him too, i don't have to text him". My question back to him was why would i call you when you won't even reply to a text message. I absolutely freaked on him. I'm starting to get fed up with trying to talk to him, I don't wanna go through this alone, but by the look of it I'm going to have to. My parents are, really not impressed with him. And they will not let this baby go into his home without me there. They don't even want me to have anything to do with him, other then him giving me child support every month. Sorry this was a bit of a rant but at this point I don't even know what to do about this anymore, it's hard enough me being only 18, and having to be a single mom

 

[LauraBee]

I was in the exact same situation as you, hun. I think I probably gave up on him just after 12 weeks - I sent him the ultrasound pics and got no reply which really upset me.

He then decided to regain contact with me just before my 20 week scan... After being in regular contact again for a month, I basically don't hear from him anymore.

It's rare that I contact him first, because to be honest, he doesn't deserve it. If he's honestly bothered by the fact that he'll be a father in 11 weeks then he'd message me first and ask how things are going etc...

You're probably best off just leaving him to his immaturity and hope that things turn out okay. We can only really do so much and if we get no response, it's not our fault.

 

[ImABeeMummy]

awww hun *hugs* if hes not going to be there for you, be strong and do it all for yourself.
dont stress out about it because it isnt good for you or the baby..
men are so unpredictable sometimes.
he might come round, but if not, you have your family and friends and thats more important than anything really

 

[divershona]

Try not to worry too much about going it alone because loads of women manage it. You'll have your parents around too who seem to be supportive so thats a good sign fob might turn around after the first scan when he see's his child for the first time, but he might not. My fob didn't bother coming to either of my scan's and really doesn't take any interest in anything to do with the baby unless his mum or gran gives him a kick up the bum about it.
The thing to remember is that a woman becomes a mother when she finds out she's pregnant, a guy becomes a dad when he sees his child in real life. That can make all the difference. Hope things get better for you soon hun and don't forget you've got all the bnb girls (and guys, what few there are ) for support too. X

 

[_ck]

Thank you so much ladies, that made me feel alot better letting all that out, and getting reassuring feedback from you guys! Im definately going to be sticking around on bnb for a long time. It's really going to be a bit easier with you guys on here to talk to

cK - xx`

 

[divershona]

No problems
even if some of us "oldies" seem intimidating we aren't really Hehe. And a few of us have probably been through the same or similar things.

 

[newmommy20]

Nothing is better then having the FOB there, so you dont feel like your holding the weight of the world on you. Keep in mind, he needs time to adjust ( but then again i dont know the backround ) go with your gut feeling. I would suggest you do all that you can yourself because your a mother now =) but dont be too proud to except help. The FOB in my case isnt around and im 28 weeks, 11 more weeks to goo woohoo! so i understand what you mean about the back and forth. Keep your head up! because in the end, its not where you are, its how you got there. Good luck.

 

[lov3hat3]

I cant even say how much i can relate to you lol. Im about 11 weeks pregnant too, my scans on the 26th. Except my fob has never really been supportive. When i told him at 6 weeks he insisted i have an abortion, i wasnt sure because a big part of me wanted to keep the baby but there was always that doubt. Around here you can only get the abortion pill up to 9 weeks, well he flipped when i ran out of time and said i wanted to keep the baby, he kept saying "you made it impossible to just take that pill and everything would be fine" but its not really JUST a pill though is it? and then when i told him i wanted to keep the baby he said "oh so your going to give it up for adoption? and oh see you in nine months then, sorry im ranting to. But he too says to keep him updated, after i didnt invite him to a doc appt which was just basically to make another appt for a midwife, i told him when the scan was his response "kk". My mum really isnt impressed with him and his family as they havnt really made an effort what so ever. I think when the fob is like that its better just to do it alone, and im sure you wont be alone? you'll have your family and friends and he'll regret not being there. I know im not gonna bother with mine untill he can grow up and understand that he has a responsibility. Im only 16 and finding it really hard too, but maybe they'll grow up one day? Hope your okay xx

 

[_ck]

when i told first told him, he asked if i was going to keep the baby, and i of course said yes. His eyes definately got pretty wide. Honestly I could never even think of having an abortion, there's complications that come from abortions. Like one of my close friends had an abortion and something went wrong and now she can't have kids for the rest of her life. And as for adoption. I mean it can be a good thing when your young, but I've got my parents behind me so I'm well off for raising this baby.

I'm almost considering not even inviting him to the birth, I don't even wanna put him on the bc but that might screw up the whole child support situation. He's 22 years old, and sometime I question his age, after trying to deal with him and this, he seems like he's a little high school boy who doesn't wanna pay the consequences. I wish there was a manual for what goes on inside a guy's head lol

 

[LauraBee]

Well, it's all your choice - keeping the baby, inviting or not inviting FOB to the birth, putting him on the BC or not, and everything else involving your child. You'll do what you think is right when it comes to it, and no one can blame you for that. As for child support, if you're in the UK then he'll have to pay maintainance, even if he's not on the birth certificate - I'm not sure about outside of the UK though.

 

[_ck]

I'm not sure of what the law is here about child support, so tomorrow my mom said she will call and make an appointment with her lawyer to see what my rights are. I hope this doesn't get much more overwhelming with the FOB!


cK - xxx`

 

[divershona]

Good luck hun, hope things get sorted for you x

 

[rainbows_x]

Oh hun
Not sure what to suggest but big

Hope things staret going a little better with you. x

 

[_ck]

awhh thank you girls!
i really hope things go a lot better too!

cK - xxx`