Frustrated...

[Mahoghani]

So, I called my boss today. I haven't called her in about a week... I've just sort of been zombie like since the delivery. I was calling to let her know that I need more time, that my husband and I have decided to take a trip back home to be with family for two weeks and that when I get back she can go ahead and put me back on the schedule. Apparently - she already put me back on the schedule. Starting Monday. The last thing I gave her was a note from my OB saying that I would be physically able to return to work one week after the delivery. One week... I didn't expect her to really think I would be ready to return so soon. I've been out of work for about a week and a half now. It's been a mere 6 days since Silver was born... I guess that seems like a lot of time to her, trying to cover my shifts, but for me... It's still so fresh. So raw. When I went in for my check up earlier this week I had a mini panic attack. I felt my heart start to pound and I couldn't breathe. Had to step outside... I mention this because I work in the same hospital where I delivered. I think if I worked somewhere else it would be easier but... Just walking up to the building I feel a little sick.

She wants me to provide a doctor's note saying that I am not emotionally ready to return to work yet. I don't know where to go for such a note. It's two hours before doctor's offices close on a Friday and I can't get through to my regular doctor or my OB's office. I'm just so frustrated. It doesn't make sense that I should need a note proving that I am grieving for my son and need more time off. I didn't expect her to be so insensitive.

I suppose it should have occurred to me that I should get a note from my OB when I went in for my check up. But I wanted to get out of there so badly I just didn't ask anything...

Just needed to vent for a moment.

 

[sharan]

Hi Hun,

I am do sorry for your loss xx

I lost my son at 22 weeks on 31st July and I've only just returned to work 7 weeks later. A week is no where bear enough time to be emotionally ready to return back to normal work routine. As you say all the emotions are still pretty raw.

Can you not obtain the doctor's note on the Monday? Hopefully they can then backdate it for from the date that it is relevant.

 

[Mahoghani]

She has given me until Wednesday (the day we leave for Maryland) to obtain a note. I guess I'm going to go in to my OB's office. I've been dreading going back in there since I talked to her yesterday. My OB's office is in the hospital...

I am hoping this road trip and time with my family, particularly my Mom, will give my mind time to solidify and start healing. I feel like my nerves are shot. I jump for no reason and I start feeling dizzy and nauseous without warning. Especially when my husband isn't home...

I know this is all fresh but I just want to start feeling normal again. At what point does something like normal come back?

 

[Hellylou]

I don't know how things work where you are, but here the doctors will sign you off work for a certain period - week, 2 weeks etc. After that period is up, you can either get signed off for longer or go back. Employers usually need something in writing for admin/legal purposes.

I was an emotional wreck in the early weeks and just as you describe - jumping at noises, weak, dizzy. I was also physically very unwell. I couldn't be alone. It's a massive shock to the mind and body and you need to give yourself time to grieve. I remember being short of breath all the time, and sighing a lot. I didn't realise but that is a symptom of grief - that heavy chest. I went back to work after 4 weeks but it was too soon. Take as much time as you need and remember that work is not as important as you and your wellbeing. And you will feel better, hard as it is to imagine.

 

[Mahoghani]

Just came from my Ob's office... After waiting in the waiting room with pregnant women and babies everywhere for about 2 hours I was taken to an exam room where I got to hear the woman in the room next to me hear her baby's healthy heart beat on the doppler for the first time...

I have my stupid note. She gave me a note for three weeks off from work and told me to come back and see her if I needed more time or drugs to help with insomnia/depression etc. They kept trying to give me drugs. Anti depression, sleeping pills, anti anxiety. I kept trying to explain I don't want any drugs, I just need a stupid note for my boss. I don't want some magic pill to make me not feel. I need to feel... I know they were trying to help me... But that doesn't make me feel any better. Hopefully if I still need more time in three weeks I won't be quite so sensitive about being around pregnant women.

I'm home and feeling a little less jittery now. My breath isn't quite so hard to draw in and push out... In the waiting room it felt like my chest was going to explode or I was going to throw up... Or both. Today confirmed to me, I am most definitely not fit to go back to work... I'd probably end up screaming at a patient... I understand that my anger is probably being misdirected right now... But when there isn't really an accurate place to direct it it just kind of shoots out everywhere...