FTM - is being this anxious/worried normal?!

[Sb86]

I'm a first time mum and my daughter is almost 3 weeks old. I know some degree of anxiety and worry is obviously normal, and perhaps especially for someone who's new to all of this, but how much worry is too much?!

I've been out with her and my mum (daren't be without my mum!) a few times since she was born but I find it so stressful that I have no urge to go anywhere. Home is the only safe place!! When Eva is ever sick (the projectile vomit kind!) I panic like a mad woman, my stomach drops out my bum almost, I think in those seconds that she's going to die, it's awful. We went out today and I know it was because I couldn't get a burp up, she projectile vomited in her car seat whilst I was pushing her. The colour drained from her face and her eyes were all red, I was almost screaming at my mum to "get her out! Get her out!"
I get so stressed and panicked that I end up crying when she's like that because it scares me so so much. We went for lunch and at one point i thought she was a funny colour and my stomach flipped whilst i got my mum to look at her. Seriously, I feel like I'm losing the plot! I don't think I'm strong enough for all this!

Is anyone else this paranoid? I feel like I can't fully enjoy everything because something bad is going to happen at some point and it'll be the end. I was like that in my pregnancy, I never fully let myself believe I would have a baby at the end because I was convince it wasn't real or something bad would happen. I guess it's a sort of protection I have over myself to not get so attached.

Anyone?

 

[bundle4me]

Totally normal hun my lo is my 3rd and i worry just as much as I did first time round.
She had a choking episode a few weeks ago and couldn't breathe, i was crying my eyes out and screaming at my oh that she couldn't breathe and to do something, I was seconds away from calling a ambulance it was one of the worst moments of my life. You will never stop worrying I'm not gonna lie but it will be less stressful as lo gets older.
So don't worry your not strange enjoy your baby xxx

 

[Js32313]

I am a FTM and extremely anxious. My LO is only 10 days old so we haven't been home long. I had a c-section so spent more time at the hospital too. My entire pregnancy was terrifying for me. I spent the whole time terrified I would never make it to the end and have my LO. I was afraid of miscarriage, premature birth, and then lack of movement even though he moved almost all the time. Now he is here and I am still terrified. I love him so much and I am just nervous all the time. I sleep with him in a bassinet next to the bed and I check him all the time. I even sleep with alittle lamp on so I can see him when I wake up. When he is napping I check him all the time too. We haven't been out of the house yet except to go to the pediatrician so I am sure I won't do well when we do ether. The drive home from the hospital was terrifying though too. My DH has been home with me and will be for one more week but I am nervous for when he goes back to work and I will be alone. I know what to do to take care of babies and I am even a CPR instructor trainer which you would think should help but nope. Still scared all the time. You are not alone.

 

[Sb86]

I am a FTM and extremely anxious. My LO is only 10 days old so we haven't been home long. I had a c-section so spent more time at the hospital too. My entire pregnancy was terrifying for me. I spent the whole time terrified I would never make it to the end and have my LO. I was afraid of miscarriage, premature birth, and then lack of movement even though he moved almost all the time. Now he is here and I am still terrified. I love him so much and I am just nervous all the time. I sleep with him in a bassinet next to the bed and I check him all the time. I even sleep with alittle lamp on so I can see him when I wake up. When he is napping I check him all the time too. We haven't been out of the house yet except to go to the pediatrician so I am sure I won't do well when we do ether. The drive home from the hospital was terrifying though too. My DH has been home with me and will be for one more week but I am nervous for when he goes back to work and I will be alone. I know what to do to take care of babies and I am even a CPR instructor trainer which you would think should help but nope. Still scared all the time. You are not alone.

You sound just like me. If I could sleep with my eyes open, I would!

 

[kellyc1987]

Long post coming up!!

Very common imo, this is My first too, I had really weird worries for example when he was 2 weeks old and got his head measured it had gone from 25th to 75th centile, I googled it and immediately diagnosed him with autism (seriously at 2 weeks old)

Then at 3 weeks old he started twitching his foot when falling asleep, only 1 or 2 twitches... I googled it and thought he was having seizures and took him to a&e... Through my panic I'd forgot that OH twitches when he falls asleep

Then he giggled/laughed in his sleep once and I thought he had this really rare brain tumour that causes gelastic laughing/crying seizures.

I was obviously not coping with everything and had massive anxiety which for some reason was worse in the morning, I absolutely HAD to speak to my mum at least twice a day even though OH was there and very supportive... In the end I moved in to my mums with the baby for 2 weeks

In my case I ended up needing to go to the doctor as I started having panic attacks and needed medication bit it took me 3 months to admit that I needed help as I kept trying to fight it with positive thinking, natural remedies etc. I'm not saying this is what is going to happen to you at all, the only advice I can offer is not to Google things that will make it 100x worse and if you do look for positive things (for example when my son laughed in his sleep, I could have looked up babies laughing in their sleep on YouTube but instead I looked at the negative) and as hard as it is try to enjoy this time as I feel that I basically missed out on the first 3 months of my son's life and it's something i massively regret as I will never get that time back.

 

[mummytobe_93]

Honestly with my first j was never anxious I was probably too confident. I'm confident with my second but with 2 under 2 I hate going out. I get nervous of the thought of going out by myself with both of them and looking like I can't cope it makes ne feel sick and anxious.

I think some degree of anxiety is normal but if in a few weeks you still feel the same I would suggest speaking to your health visitor. Honestly the more times you go out the better you will feel sooner and you will soon gain the confidence! They aren't new born for long and I think when they are a bit bigger and are less fragile you start to feel less nervous too xx

 

[mummytobe_93]

Also it could turn in to pnd so it is good that you're aware. Try and enjoy your baby I know easier said then done. But she is here, she is yours, she is healthy- enjoy it! X

 

[PoppyPainting]

I worried a lot at first and used to wake frightened that she had disappeared in the night. 2 things pop into my mind from your post 1) has your lo got reflux if she's projectile vomiting like this and 2) if the worries don't die down a bit in the next couple of weeks have a chat with your doctor or hv. If you are suffering with pnd getting yourself help now will be the best thing for you and baby.

 

[minties]

I did have moments of worry, but think that youra sounds quite excessive to be totally honest.

 

[d_b]

When Ds1 was a newborn I slept with the light on and him in the bassinet right next to my bed so I could watch him all night. On my third baby now and I still occasionally wake up in a panic thinking she has disappeared and if any of my kids gag on anything while eating I nearly have a heart attack. But these are just moments here and there it is not a constant anxiety. Worrying is normal but if it is interfering with most of your day then you really should talk to your doctor. There are a lot of hormonal changes going on in the first few weeks and this combined with the interrupted sleep can make anxiety a lot worse, so hopefully in a few weeks things will seem better for you, but if not you should mention it to your doctor.

 

[Larkspur]

I agree with previous posters... it's not uncommon to be anxious about your baby, but that it's something to keep an eye on for yourself as it can spiral out of control.

I am pretty laid-back. I tend to assume that things will be fine, rather than the opposite. Of course, I have had some scary moments - my son choked on a piece of rusk once, and that was frightening; my daughter took a dive off the couch and got a goose-egg on her forehead from hitting the frame of a ranchslider and I ended up taking her to the ER for a check just to be sure. And I have certain bugbears - I only give my kids quartered grapes, I have fairly strong views around sleep-training, etc, but on a day-to-day basis, not much worries me.

I can't count the number of posts I have read where someone is panicking about (and probably frantically Googling) something that I think, "Wow. It would never ever occur to me to worry about that."

My kids are healthy, robust, confident and calm. Kids are pretty tough. Of course, you take precautions to protect them, but you don't have to let fear rule you.

I am no psychologist so I can't really give too many tips for controlling anxiety, but what I'm saying is that it doesn't have to be this way. You can be a caring, careful, responsible parent, and not constantly freaking out over everything.

 

[Breadsticks]

I was excessively worried with my little girl. I mentioned it to my doctor and she had me fill out one of those depression questionnaires...after talking a lot of my answers out we found out I had pnd.

I definitely think to some extent we worry more with our first, but it would not hurt to mention it to your doctor. *hugs* mama!

 

[Ecoden]

I think it's normal. I was that way to but once you get to know your baby better you'll get more at ease. If you don't by 2-4 months though, I would see a doctor.

 

[londonangel]

I don't think projectile vomiting is normal for babies unless they have reflux or something. Ditto feeling so anxious all the time. I would speak to the doctor firstly about the vomiting and secondly about the high level of anxiety as they may have some suggestions. If you are this anxious now you may find it becomes overwhelming. Best of luck.

 

[Sb86]

Thank you all for your replies and advice. I'm due to see my doctor in a few weeks time so I'll mention it then if I haven't improved. And I'll mention Eva's vomiting if that's no different too. Gosh, I'm tired! X

 

[_Meep_]

I was convinced my daughter had cerebral palsy, up until around one month ago. She's 14.5 months, and totally doesn't have CP. Her whole life has been a rollercoaster of anxiety and worry for me. It has not been nice at all.

I also get worried about every little 'off' thing she does - when she projectile vomited once as a newborn, I was convinced I had caused shaken baby syndrome by jiggling her gently in my arms, and I spent the next few weeks Googling, crying and checking her fontanelle for signs of swelling.

It sounds ridiculous - funny, even - but in truth, I feel like I've been through hell at times.

I've suffered with extreme anxiety most of my life, and had a nervous breakdown when I was younger which resulted in my weight plummeting to dangerous levels. I'm much better now, but having a baby has stirred up a few of those old irrational behaviours. If you too suffered with an anxiety disorder or higher anxiety levels before you had your baby, it figures that your anxiety is going to skyrocket.

P.S. Occasionally projectile vomiting a large amount or an entire feed is completely normal, but if it happens very regularly, or after EVERY feed, you may want to ask about reflux or, God forbid, pyloric stenosis. I think you would know by now if she had this, though.

 

[KBCupcake]

I had this until about 2.5wks in. My LO is a month old now and while I still have anxiety (I'm a generally anxious person), my anxiety has gone down a lot.

When my anxiety was at its worst, I would wake up A LOT at night and make sure my LO was still breathing in her bassinet, which I kept on the floor by the side of my bed. At one point, her eye was watery and crusty, her belly button looked infected and I thought she had diarrhea. This was around the 2wk mark. Because this was all happening at once, I thought my baby was falling apart and I thought she was dying in my care. I cried a lot and felt like I was unfit to care for her.

We took her to the pediatrician and everything was normal. The eye problem was just a clogged tear duct, very common, she did NOT have diarrhea, and her belly button was not actually infected. I think the anxiety is a combination of hormones and the stress of learning how to be a mom. It's probably worse if you're an anxious person to begin with. If over time you feel it's not going away, you should mention it to your doctor.

Also I felt the same way about feeling like I wasn't going to end up with a baby at the end of pregnancy. It wasn't until I brought her home that I got attached because I was so afraid of having a stillborn. I had 3 prior miscarriages, so I've had A LOT of anxiety. Now my biggest fear is SIDS. I worry about it every day and frequently check on her breathing. For me, some days are better than others. Hang in there.

 

[_Meep_]

Ugh yeah, I had the SIDS worry too! Around day 5 we installed a special baby monitor with a sensor pad under her mattress that ticks with each breath and sounds an alarm if it doesn't detect any movement for a certain amount of time (20 seconds maybe?) ... she's still using it, and I haven't worried about SIDS since, and sleep fine when she isn't waking me up by crying lol.

I would highly recommend it.

 

[SurpriseBub]

Big hugs!

I could have written a lot of this myself: I also had the fear of something happening during pregnancy. I had some complications, and a lot of time alone, so I had plenty of time to worry and stew. I really felt like I just had to get to the birth, and then all would be fine. And to a certain degree it was... When I got to the hospital and they hooked up the monitors, I was sooooo happy! And I was doing well until a couple of weeks in when the worry started to creep in again. I have worked as a nanny, so wasn't worried about the care aspects of having a baby- I think I was just shocked by how it felt to be so completely and utterly responsible for this little person who means so very much to me. I go back and forth- I can be doing well, but then fixate on something and worry over it (Ie. A blood test we took LO to that went awfully)

Is it normal? I think a degree of worry is normal, but when it interferes in daily life that seems to be when it crosses the line. Your baby is still brand new, and you should give yourself time to adjust to this very big change. It will take a while for your confidence to grow, and for you to get to know your baby. Once you know what is her normal, it should hopefully ease some of that panic. I'm sure your mum understands and is happy to be offering support. when are your regular baby check ups? I felt it helped to write down any questions I had and be sure to ask them at the next appointment. Our pediatrician is great, and is wonderful at answering any queries.

I hope you are feeling better. make sure to take care of yourself: eat good nourishing food, and get as much sleep as you can. Your body and mind have been through a lot in these past 10 months! As others have said, if you really feel overwhelmed, and things don't start to improve, you should talk this all over with your doctor. Wishing you lots of luck!

 

[Sb86]

I'm so thankful for all of your replies. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in my worry and anxiety. I did suffer with depression and anxiety for around 10 years prior to gettin pregnant but I've done well to choose not to go back on medication since giving birth.
I've not gone out with Eva in the last few days now and I've felt better for it. (Or maybe I'm just having an ok day today!) I think I've learnt that going out is just too much for me at the moment and so I'm gonna give me and her a few more weeks of getting used to things before we take another trip out.

I think I've found it hard not having someone as her father because I feel like if I had that then I wouldn't be so anxious with thinking "this is all on me", I'd be able to share responsibility and pressure. But never mind!

Today is the first day that I've been able to put her in her Moses basket when she's fallen asleep without her waking up and have her sleep for a few hours whilst I watch tv and do stuff in the house. (Probably a total fluke that she's settled today..) haha

It's just completely overwhelming that this one small person has taken my heart and if anything were to happen to her then that would be the end of me too. As much as i don't regret my baby, now that I know just how strong and intense this love you have for them is, I think there is a lot to be said for people who choose not to have children! if only to spare the pain your heart feels when they're upset or hurt!

Thanks for your help, ladies. X