Gaping hole ...........

[tinybel]

I am missing my little Annabel so so much .....I feel like I have this massive hole right through the middle of me .It will four week at the end of this week since i delivered her at 15 week .I Keep looking at our photographs of her thinking how small but perfect she was ...

On a night I just feel like all I want to do is lay with her blanket .....when We went in to have my labour induced we took two blankets in which the midwife advised ....one we left her wrapped in and the other one we kept .....it reminds me so much of those hours we had with her ....happy feelings but over powered by this horrendous grief ....feeling like I had been stabbed .

The last two days I have thought about the whole process more than I have in the last couple of weeks .....I find that I lay or sit thinking about them telling us she had died ......then sitting in the what i call bad news room .......laying in Simons arms crying for what felt like hours ... going back taking the medication ...the hours after then all through the labour ...like reliving it .He keeps saying dont ....dont you dont need to and holding me .....to hug me ..to try to stop the thoughts .Is this normal??

One minuite I feel ok ish the next minuite I am in tears .....one of the hardest things at the minuite I feel I struggle to cope with iis something that I know is silly really but it hurts so much .....its the " you lost the baby" " when you lost her " " sorry you lost your baby " .............................I ....lost her ..................................

 

[lch28]

It is completely normal and I know exactly how you feel.. I lost my daughter Sophia at 23w6d on February 28th 2012. I feel the same, that there is just a huge hole right through my heart, my chest feels heavy, and I am always sad. I went into pre term labor, and she only lived for an hour and a half. She was just much too little. I miss her so much words can not explain. Everything you are feeling is normal, i am not going to lie and say it has gotten easier for me because it hasn't. Feel better, my thoughts are with you

 

[SassyLou]

 

[collie_crazy]

I'm so sorry

This is all so raw for you and reading your post took me right back to when I was there last year. It does consume you in the beginning - and some days you may feel 'ok' and then others you will be right back to the screaming at the walls stage again but thats ok - there is no right or wrong way to grieve for your loss.

I too remember getting angry at everything everyone said especially the emphasis on the 'you' and 'I' - but you know, they know and we know that if there was anything you could have done to change this and to still have your LO growing inside you now that you would have done it. We all would have. None of this is your fault

Its been nearly 10 months since I lost my daughter at 17 weeks. I still to this day have bad days and times when I get angry about it all. Mostly though I can look back and feel almost happy - I am happy that I had the chance to 'meet' her, happy that she came into our lives if only for a fleeting moment - I like to think of the happiness she brought into our lives, finding out we were expecting her etc etc. BUT it has taken me a long time to get here - you will too... one day when you are ready

Have you been offered any counselling? I seen a psychologist who specialises in baby loss (I've just been signed off from her this week) and she has been a great help... I seen her once a month and although I was a bit iffy about it at first I am so glad I went to her for help. It really helped to have someone who wasnt involved emotionally to talk to about Emily and to help set my thoughts straight when they started going astray.

Lots of love and hugs to you and floaty kisses to little Annabel

 

[littleANDlost]

:'( I'm so sorry, no one should have to go through what we go through when our babies don't make it.
Unless they have been there people don't seem to understand that you gave birth to your daughter, you held her and kissed her and will always be her mother even if she isn't with you. And everything people say seem to just make it worse.

You can not bottle your emotion away and thinking about it is a part of you greiving.
It's over 2 years since my first little girl was born at 20 weeks. And every day i still think of her, even more so that i now have Olivia and i realise all the things i didn't get to do with my Lily. The loss will never leave you, but it will get easier to manage.
I'm terrified of forgetting every little deatil of the night that i gave birth and relive it all the time, yes it makes me sad, but to remember my daughter also makes me happy.

I never thought that i would be able to move on, never thought i could love another child the way that i loved Lily, but since having Olivia it has just made me love them both even more. And Olivia has the same nose as Lily, they were both born with perfect little button noses! I know Lily is still with us, helping us all and keeping us safe.
take each day one at a time, and before you know it you will be living again, the hole will still be there, but you will be living with it!

all my love to you and lots of hugs!
xx