Generally confused........don't get what's happening

[jillypoop]

hey everyone :wave:

OH told me that he wanted to marry me after we had been together 6 months but I was like "hey, calm down" cos I had only turned 18. Soon after that I changed my mind and now all I can think about is getting engaged (and TTC!!!) but it isn't on OH's mind.

He says he wants to marry me and have kids but not yet. In his eyes, we are going to be together forever so why rush it?

I can understand where he is coming from but I want to be engaged to him. I want our relationship to move forward, we have been together for over 2 years and we are so strong, I'm not worried about us breaking up or anything because we always work through problems together.

Why am I so desperate for things to change? Why can I not be happy with my life now?

I don't know if being unemployed and sitting at home has made me think about things more or what but its really getting me down and making me think he doesn't want me anymore

It just doesn't matter to him at the moment. I just want to run up to gretna green (literally 10 minutes up the road!) and marry him and then we can start our own family but he doesn't want to yet. Part of me worries that it is because he can't afford a fancy ring but the amount of times I've told him that the ring doesn't matter stops me thinking that.

Does he just not love me as much as he says he does?

It's really getting me down and I don't know what to say to him to make him understand.

xxxx

 

[Pops]

Hi Hun

Please don't worry. OH and I have been talking about getting married from a matter of weeks after we met but after 18 months we still havent done anything about it and we are 27 / 32 this year respectively.

It doesn't mean that we don't want to, we want nothing more, but sometimes things just take a while and the more we want / think about, the more it seems that it is less likely of happening but it really isn't.

You have all the time in the world and I know that sounds horrible and I would have hated hearing it too but you really do, just enjoy being together and before you know it, you will be Mrs Jillypoop!

xxx

 

[MaryJ]

I know it's hard to be patient when you want something so badly. I'm sure having all day to sit and think about it doesn't help too much either!

Don't worry too much about it though. There could be lots of reasons he has decided now is not a good time to get married... wants a better job, wants to finish school, wants the money to buy a house, wants to be ready to TTC, the list goes on.

 

[Lou]

Awwr Jillypoop,

Im 110% postive your OH loves you more then you could know. Hes probably just being a typical man and being difficult. try not to dwell on it, Im sure if you sit him down and tell him how you're feeling about things he will understand. Just like you understand how he wants to wait.

My OH is similar, we've talked about getting married, but he wont propose until i've finished uni, so I still have AT LEAST a year until I get engaged! So rubbish! Alst I can advise is perhaps having a chat to him?

Sorry I cant be more help!

xxxx

 

[booflebump]

Oh sweetheart. It sounds like he loves you as much as he did before - I'm sure even more now! I think the fact that you arent working at the moment has given you too much time to think and that can make thoughts fester. Maybe try and find yourself some other goals to work towards and let him come to you with the engagement ring - which Im sure he will! xxx

 

[Kimmer]

Hey love. I was in almost the exact same situation.. Ish. My OH proposed to me two days after my 18th birthday. I said yes because I was desperate for things to change and for people to see where more than kids in love.
I had wanted him to propose for ages before then. We are soul mates and he said if were going to be together for ever, what would we be waiting for?
If I were you, I'd ask him what he is waiting for.
Guys get freaked out easily. Give him a kick up the bum!
Good luck what ever happens

 

[Pinkgirl]

Aww hunni whats the rush hun. I can see that you want your relationship to move forward and to me that shows how much you and your OH are inlove.

You never know whats around the corner he might have planned it all out already hehe
x

 

[lozzy21]

Do we have the same OH jilly or do they just teach that line in School! That is the exact same thing that my OH says. Just hang in there, itl happen eventaly and if it dosent why dont you ask him?

 

[jillypoop]

hehe I think they do get taught that!

He says he wants to propose at the trevi fountain in Rome but I can't see that happening somehow as we are completely skint and he said that he hates the idea of going to Italy on holiday!

I know he loves me but I don't know if its as much as he says he does, he's just happy with us staying the same but I want our relationship to move forward. I think part of it is frustration at living back at my parents, we are in exactly the same situation as this time last year (except I had a job!) and its getting us both down. I'm not expecting to start TTC the second we get married, because I want everything else to be ready too, we need somewhere to live etc but talking about getting married just seems like a far off dream and like it will never happen.

I think I just need a job, everything bothers me more when I'm at home all the time. Would be much better if I had kids to keep me busy!!
On a good point OH is going to do a dispensing optician degree through work and hopefully become a manager as well so he says if he earns enough that I can be a SAHM!!!!!!

Thank you all so much for these replies, they really cheered me up



xxx

 

[lozzy21]

Rome thats so romantic. My oh says he knows how hes going to do it but wont tell me how or when. Im so sick of im saying not yet butt i dont know when so that it my reply to everything "whens tea?" "dont know but not yet". "whens my jeans going to be dry?" "dont know but i dont know when"

Must suck living with the rents

 

[jillypoop]

yeah, its awful, but its worse because we got used to living in our own place and doing our own thing. Constantly arguing with my mum and sister, its so unbelievably stressful living with them again
OH likes it though because he's got spare money to spend on himself for the first time since october and he's loving that and no-one is yelling at him other than me!
I might try that with the "don't know not yet" thing

xxx

 

[lozzy21]

I couldent move back in with my mam, wed kill each other and she would loose her babysitter and id rather kill myself than move in with OH;s mam.
The "i dont know yet dosent make them move any faster but show's them how annoying it is hehehe