Getting a routine/changing routine

[Mum_bear]

Hi

I'm a first time mum to a little boy who is almost 5 months and I think I've messed up by having him in a bad routine which is basically just what he's settled into.

So he usually sleeps all night from 11pm till between 8 or 9 I his next to me crib, he usually has 4-5 hr long naps throughout the day in his Moses brasket downstairs with me but I have to rock it constantly or he'll wake up. I've tried putting him down in is room but he doesnt sleep he just lays there. In the evening he'll usually go to sleep in his basket until we wake him to go to bed, give him another bottle and bed.

I want to get him into a bedtime routine but I don't no where to start, I don't no whether to put him in his crib in our room or start putting him in his own room.

I say usually because the last few nights he's been not going back to sleep at bedtime and waking throughout the night.

To be honest motherhood has completely overwhelmed me, I have no idea what I'm doing and just stumbling through each day. I don't leave the house all that often, I'm lonely and struggling.

 

[Pippylu]

How long is he awake for between his last nap and bedtime? Is that last nap a 4-5 hour long one? Our twins are 4 months old and I find if their last nap before bed is long and very close to bedtime, they don't settle well for night time sleep. They can manage ok with a cat nap (30 or so minutes) within an hour of bedtime, but nothing longer. They are in bed by 6pm, up at 6/630am and waking for 1-2 bottles during the night. So far this week they've only woken once per night in that 12 hour period. I didn't do anything special to start them off with this bed time. For the first couple of months they were feeding every 3 hours, then they started sleeping a long stretch after their 530pm feed, missing the 830pm feed and waking in time for their 1130pm feed. So I started making the 530pm feed part of a bedtime routine and it's gone on from there. They still woke every 3 hours after the 1130pm feed for a bottle, but they gradually went longer and longer and now they only wake once, occasionally twice. At the moment they are napping anywhere from 3-5 hours during the day, total. That will be anything from heaps of 45 minute naps or 2 x 2/3 hour naps.

I think your baby boy is probably starting to wake through the night now because he's needing less sleep, and it sounds like he gets heaps during the day if he's napping in 4-5 hour blocks. There's also a sleep regression they apparently go through (I don't know if all babies go through it), where at around 4 or so months they start waking through the night again similar to when they were newborns. It's supposed to be temporary.

If it's not too early in the afternoon/night maybe you could make the bottle he has before that last nap, his bedtime bottle? For a little while he might still wake for a bottle later because he is used to getting one, but he'll stop that eventually. Otherwise you could wake him from his last nap a bit earlier, keep him awake for a couple of hours and then put him to bed.

Ours are still in our room in their bassinets and I plan on keeping them with us until they are consistently sleeping through. I think if you're not comfortable moving him to his own room yet then wait a bit longer.

I'm a first time mum too, we moved away from home a few years ago for my OH's job and now I don't live anywhere near my family or good friends. My partner works night shift and is gone from 430pm - 6am. It's very isolating. I understand what you're going through, and I know it's not the same as in person, but don't be afraid to reach out here or anywhere else, there's so many people who can relate and offer advice or just listen

 

[noon_child]

Reading your post I'm not really sure what 'bad habits' you are referring to. Your baby naps when he's tired, sleeps for a 9hr stretch at night.

Also he is sleeping in the same room as you for his naps, his evening sleep and then he's next to you when you both go to bed, which is actually what is recommended to keep your LO safe from SIDS.

From about the age he is now (and not really recommended much earlier) you can try (bit you don't have to - babies can be wilful) to establish a bedtime routine - some things that are the same everyday, comforting but not too stimulating, and which signal bed time. From 6months you can start trying to have him in a different room to you, which can give you your evenings back.

It sounds like the point at which he falls asleep in the evening would maybe be his natural 'bedtime', so try a routine that is no longer than about 30-40minutes and start it about 45minutes before the time he'd usually fall asleep in the evening. Will his basket fit in his crib? If it does that may be one way to transition between the two and get him used to the new location.

However at around 5months a lot of babies got through sleep regression where they wake very frequently and need a lot of comforting to settle back down. This is normal and developmental - you haven't done anything to cause it, you just have to ride it out.

In terms of stumbling through motherhood - yep that's what everyone does I think. For a comparison, when my LO was 5months she would only take ONE daytime nap, it had to be in the sling on me and it only lasted about 50minutes. For most of the afternoon she'd be an overtired wreck but refuse to sleep. It would take 2hrs of nursing in a dark room to get her to fall asleep at night time. Then she'd be up about every 3hrs for a feed (if we were lucky). So when you talk about your bad habits I just don't see it - you've responded to what your baby needed and when and he seems content on it!

 

[Starlight32]

Our bedtime routine at 7 months is:
Bath at 5-6 (sometime between depending on last nap and meal). Then book (if not too fussy). Bottle. PJs. Book (if couldn't read before bottle). Crib for sleep.

Months 3.5-5.5 I put her in her crib and she would play a bit in there and drift off t sleep. I would check on her every couple minutes and would cuddle a bit if she started to fuss.

Around six months, she started to roll, and it really prolonged nap and bedtime process. Now, I sit with her in a rocking chair until she's sleepy enough, then I put her in her crib when she's about to drift off.

 

[MindUtopia]

I would say start putting him to bed slightly earlier than 11pm every night in the place you want him to sleep. 11pm sounds very late. It doesn't matter where you decide to put him to sleep, but more that you are getting him to sleep earlier, not waking him and it's somewhere you don't mind tending to him during the night when he wakes (so if putting him in his own room is going to be too exhausting for you to be running back and forth during the night, then keep him with you). Our daughter slept downstairs in a wrap with us until she was 4 months old in the evenings (then we started to put her to sleep upstairs in our room, we co-slept during the night). But the difference was that she was sleeping from about 7pm, even if it was with us, and we didn't wake her when we went to bed. She usually woke on her own for a feed so we didn't have to. But I wouldn't be waking him just to transfer him if he's sleeping well. I would just start putting him to bed slightly earlier every few nights and do it upstairs somewhere that's comfortable for you and works for nighttime feeds and cuddles and such. Mine stayed with us downstairs until she was 4 months and then transitioned really easily to sleeping in a cot next to our bed and it wasn't a big deal, so you'll probably be surprised he will adjust.

And don't worry, no one gets a manual on these sorts of things and there is no one right way to do it (though whatever way you decide is right for you just depends on what works, which might not be what works for anyone else). The first few months are really hard and you just get through them, but it will get easier and you'll feel like you've got it more figured out soon. I really recommend getting out though. Being stuck at home all the time sucks and I found the days I forced myself to leave the house and do something even when it screwed up naps and any sort of routine we might have had were the easiest. I actually signed up for a baby massage class that I had to pre-pay for 6 weeks just so I would make myself get out and go to it even when I didn't feel like I could. Even the days I was crying still by the time I made it to the car park outside of class still got better just because I was doing something.