getting back?

[babybambi2011]

hi girls, i need some advice of you please

me and my ex are talking about getting back together.

Im starting to think that maybe its a mistake. the past 2 weeks hes come down for the weekend, and its been great having company and great for lily to see her daddy for the whole weekend, of course.

i just feel a bit uncomfy sometimes cuz im used to being on my own now, and doing my own thing with lily. hes all over me and its strange cuz i keep having to ask him to give me some space. its nice sitting on the sofa n watching a film, but then he gets very clingy and i just feel like running away.

i just dont know how things would work again, as the reason i left him was because he wasnt ready to be a dad (again). hes really stepped up and i get regular payments off him for lily, but i still feel like im pushing him sometimes. ie ive bought her xmas pressies from him and hes payed me back for them, but its like.... why cant u get them urself. i mean i know what she needs to it may maybe more sence to him if i get it n he pays me back.... but wheres the thought? and i feel like he wants to see me more than he does lily, and thats why he comes down, so he can see me. hes good with lily now, but i think its just a show.... i really dont know

i need some advice, please help!

 

[emlubu]

How long u been split? It's a hard one!! As if u did get bk
Together and ended up breaking up again lily will be like.... What's happening...

 

[babybambi2011]

weve been appart for 4 months, i worry about what lily might go through. shes at the age were she wont remember whats happening, but obviously as she gets older, the more she will remember and thats why i left in the first place cuz i didnt want her growing up with 2 arguing parents..... its a tough one....

 

[Laura2919]

Question is do you both love each other? Or are you getting back with him because it's easier? For Lily or yourself?
I'm a firm believer that you should never live your life with what ifs and if it supposed to happen it would so I don't ever live wondering what if I had done that.

But... You can't have a relationship without love and trust. Last year when FOB and I split he came back to me and we tried again. I didn't love him I can honestly say I took him back because he was seeing someone else! I didn't wanna deal with the hurt of him moving on.. It was good for a while then the same old cracks started to show and look where we are! Now separated again for 10 weeks! I'm not saying don't do it I am saying think about what it is you want. It's very very rare for a man to change who he is. If you can see past his faults you don't like and you do love him then try..

I would never regret going back to FOB but it didn't work because I was kidding myself. If there is one thing I've learned it's you cannot force yourself to love someone. You might feel alone sometimes but you deserve to be with someone who loves you unconditionally!

 

[blue.bird]

.

 

[angelpkj]

i split with my ex 10th dec last year i was 5monthish pregnant
me and him "got back together" 8th june
we split july 1st i found out he was cheating
tho,
sometimes theres to much water under the bridge to save it

i may of got fucked over again but i have no regrets,if i didnt get back with him for a 2nd chance i would of always wondered "what if"

 

[Laura2919]

i split with my ex 10th dec last year i was 5monthish pregnant
me and him "got back together" 8th june
we split july 1st i found out he was cheating
tho,
sometimes theres to much water under the bridge to save it

i may of got fucked over again but i have no regrets,if i didnt get back with him for a 2nd chance i would of always wondered "what if"

This is me also.

I split with FOB 15th March last year and we tried again 8th June 2010 and we were together for over a year and then we couldnt make it work anymore.

We have way too much history for it to work, we always go back and say things from the bad times and we would never let them go. I couldnt take him back again even if I wanted to because I just know we would work for a few months and then we would just end up back where we are..

Like I said in my original post I wont regret taking him back but I wont do it again because I have learned getting back together for the wrong reasons never works..

 

[MummyJade]

In my experience it never works!

I have been back and forward with FOB with 3 years, on off! it drains you...
I love him to bits but i also want to kill him for what a knob he is, and at times i hate him... we could never work now as too much has happened..

Totally agree with laura, she has said everything that i was going to write...

x

 

[babybambi2011]

the more i think about it the more i agree with you all. ive always said never go back because there was a reason you left in the first place.... i feel smuthered when hes around, and plus i gave up smoking and he hasnt and he stinks of fags!

 

[FutureRewind]

How would you feel if you met a new guy? That might be the acid test as to whether it was a case of wanting to do your own thing or simply not loving your ex anymore. I'd wait it out for a while and keep his visits minimal or if you trust him let him have your LO on his own for a walk or something and see how that goes down. If he's there just for you then its fear driving his desire to be there for you and that's not a good sign.

I would not say never go back but you have a right to take your time to be sure..but you must make that clear to him. Be honest and true to yourself and your ex. My ex probably feels the same as you and its understandable you have made your own life now. You are right to be suspicious of his motives.