Getting Past Fears

[dipsysp]

I have two big fears going in to this, #1 is miscarriage and #2 is eptopic pregnancy. I was a soap watcher at a young age and I've always been worried anytime anyone announced they were pregnant about miscarriages. I also am over 36 years old and have never TTC so this is very new to me. I have had problems with cysts on my ovaries (particularly my left ovary) but my gyn last time I was in said I should be fine to have a baby (he said I have all I need and the cysts are signs that I've ovulated).

I knew someone who had two eptopic pregnancies and with one she could have died. It freaks me out, and I wonder if there's any way to find out very early if it's an eptopic or normal pregnancy? I guess if I were scared enough I'd do my research.

The main thing is miscarriage. I know that the chances of miscarriage are high and it's not "missed pregnancies" (very early miscarriages) that concern me but the later ones. Where the d&C is necessary and all of that.

Has anyone held the same fears and how did you cope with them? I know stress doesn't help pregnancy so any suggestions, I would find highly useful. Thanks!

 

[readyformore]

Well...............if you don't ever try to get pregnant because you are afraid of complications, you will never have a baby.

There are risks with everything, not just pregnancy. People die from driving down the road but that shouldn't stop you from driving.

 

[mom22boys]

I know its scary! I already have 2 boys and I am scared too, but you just have to have faith that everything will work out! Be positive!

 

[SabrinaKat]

Hi,

It is pretty easy to tell ectopic v normal pregnancy as ectopic is characterised by bleeding, lowering pregnancy hormones and sharp pains on/in one side -- they would do a vaginal scan to determine where egg has fertilised and then quickly determine ectopic/normal placement.

In relation to mc, there are no guarantees -- sometimes, it is chromosonal; other times, it can be an underlying medical condition or maternal problem, but if you hear the HB, there is a 3-5% chance of mc, after 12wks, about 1%. Unfortunately, problems can occur anytime in pregnancy, which is why pre-natal and antenatal care is important, but late mcs, stillbirths and neonatal deaths still happen even in the developed world (although at a much lower rate than the developing world.)

In my case, I had a mc at 7-8wks, but it was feared it was ectopic (the vaginal scan showed the egg was in the uterus), but the baby really didn't develop well and I knew that something was wrong. I ultimately had a natural mc, but missed mc is quite rare.

It took me another two years to conceive again, and in-between, I lost weight, quit smoking (again!), ate healthily, and was discovered to have an underactive thyroid (am on medication for it). I am now 6wks to scheduled c-section to first baby, but every day, I worry about all the bad things happening, but am hopeful. That's what you need, simply is hope (and good medical treatment!)

best wishes

 

[AnnaLaura]

Strangely, I find comfort in knowing what complications could occur, what to look for, and how it might be handled. I think it's a double edged sword that we are older, and so less idealistic than a young person. On one hand, we might not be as blindsided if something did go wrong, but on the other hand it would admittedly be nice to just breeze through without worrying about what could go wrong.

I would suggest really educating yourself about complications and what the statistics really mean. Once you understand how they are collected/compiled, you'll see that any given statistic doesn't mean much for any one individual. As Ready says, driving is pretty dangerous! You have a MUCH better chance of being in a car wreck than having an ectopic pregnancy. But I bet you went somewhere in a car today.

I also think back to the situation of women not even 60 years ago. They didn't have ultrasounds, amnio, or anything else. Most didn't even have birth control. What was going to come, came. And they dealt with it.

I tell myself if I think I'm strong enough to be a mother, I'm strong enough to deal with what I may experience along the way.