GF had IUI, also natural. 2 men. who could it be?

[Andy327]

I know there are many variables here and there are never concrete answers. But here is the story. I would appreciate no judgment as I was not quite aware of what was going on. My GF has been trying to get pregnant for a long time. She has gone to fertility specialists religiously. She miscarried once. She has PCOS and is high risk. While it is difficult to admit, there is an issue of trust here. We have had a good deal of unprotected sex. I have 3 kids from a past marriage. She had been in a marriage last year. Well apparently she had some of this mans sperm frozen. She said they werent sure why at the time as his count was 1 million. I wont pretend to know much, but thats apparently not great?
Anyway, in the last week she gets around to telling me she is pregnant. the stats as they are were this.
Last period October 21. we had unprotected sex on the 25th and then a couple more times on the 30th. On November 7 she claims she had an IUI with the previously mentioned frozen sperm (and no, I don't know why she didn't ask me to give a sample for the procedure) and on the 10th we again had unprotected sex.
On the 16th of November she said she had a beta of 28. and on the 18th it was 80.
She contends that she is quite pregnant due to the IUI.
Now I won't pretend to know how the timing works on these things. She told me today she was 1 week and 4 days pregnant, though on her forum blog she wrote tonight she was 3 weeks and 4 days. Is there a reason to the layman as myself she tells me 1 week 4 days and puts 3 weeks 4 days on her blog? Also, given the dates (and I know this can only be answered speculatively.) is it an absolute certainty (as she puts it) that the IUI on the 7th was the only way she got pregnant? Thanks for any input, and yes, she is desperate to get pregnant. I am not sure why she did what she did with the other guy's frozen sample. There are some trust factors apparently and certainly makes me question things now. To me, using two different mens sperm as close together as she did is just asking for a massive headache and heartache. I guess my main question here, that part aside, is based on the dates given, or the fact there was sex on either side of the IUI, can it be as definitive as she says it is?

 

[shelx]

I dont think she can be 1 week and 4 days pregnant?? I dont think woman can find out that early?
With regards to the rest of your post I would talk to her, try and get some answers.

 

[lozzy21]

How pregnant you are is based on your last period not when you got pregnant. If a woman has a 28 day cycle she will ovulate around day 14. If she gets a positive test on the day her period is due (day 28) she is classed as being 4 weeks pregnant even though she only conceived two weeks ago.

 

[Chanchita91]

She will have said that she is 1 week and 4 days pregnant as that's how long it has been since conception. I said the same thing to my husband originally and then went on to explain that pregnancies are actually dated from the date of your last period (2 weeks before that). So she hasn't lied to you about the dating don't worry

 

[amjon]

There's really no way to know. For your sake I hope it's the other guys and you can just get out of the situation. You'll have to do a DNA test to know for sure. If she needs CVS or Amnio they should be able to do it at the same time; if not, you'll have to wait for the baby to get here.

 

[girlinyork]

If she is three weeks and four days then the sperm met the egg eleven days ago. Sperm live about five days in the body so if you've had sex between eleven and sixteen days ago there is a chance the baby is yours.
You won't know for sure unless you do a DNA test once the baby is born. I think in the meantime some couples counselling to get through this might be a good idea. Good luck and I hope things turn out the way you want.

 

[MustBeMummy]

There is no way for her to know it was the iui. She may think she does if she knows exactly when she ovulated.
I had a cycle of iui at the beginning of this year I had to go in every other day for internal ultrasounds (not especially nice) They have to do this to keep an eye on the size of the egg or eggs u are producing. It has to be at least 18mm for them to even consider the treatment. Then on my last scan date they got a sample of urine from me to test it to see if I was ovulating, I was so they scheduled the treatment for the next day.
I guess what I'm trying to say is its quite a lengthy process with many visits to the clinic. U can't just go in and say "one iui pls" she would really have known what she was up to. From what I remember u r suppose to refrain from sex around the iui anyway. But I'm not certain. There is no 100% fool proof way she can possibly know which sperm went and fertilized that egg.
Is she trying to hurt you do you think by saying its this other man's? If there are trust issues why does she want to have a baby with sumone she doesn't trust??
Sorry if I have spoken out of turn, I hope u sort things out.

 

[Andy327]

I understand the discrepancy now in her telling me the 1wk 4 day and the 3wk 4 day on her blog. Makes sense. And yes, I agree, she had to have planned the IUI as it would indeed require many visits prior so they could do the internals and detect if there was anything over 18mm.
My silly question is this... not so silly really, but had she potentially conceived naturally on say the 30th, would there be anything different that when she went through the IUI procedure? Meaning I guess IF she conceived naturally on the 30th, would there still be eggs to measure after that point and do an IUI? Meaning, is it possible to get pregnant a week before the IUI happens at all? Would the body change or do something at the point of conception, or could she still be considered not pregnant by the doctors and the procedure carried through? I am not so sure she was telling the doctors she was doing anything naturally, as I assume they would then likely ask her to have me there to produce a fresh sample. So I must assume she was telling the docs she had no unprotected intercourse happening.
This is a rather confusing thing to be sure and I appreciate your indulgence. I suppose I am just trying to ascertain if it is possible to get pregnant a week before the procedure and there be no 'tip off' to that ? thanks

 

[armywife2011]

based on his situation, I would definitely see either a relationship counselor or see a private counselor. You're definitely going to want a paternity test. I'm afraid I dont understand your question. if you're asking if it's possible she got pregnant before the IUI procedure, yes its possible, but only if she had sex before, obviously. If there's no sperm to meet the egg then nothing will happen. So if you didn't have sex before the IUI she may have gotten pregnant from that or maybe not. Sometimes the sperm doesn't attach, it's a hit and miss. THat's why I'm saying you should get a paternity test. Definitely see a counselor too, it seems trust is a huge issue here and I don't blame you. You have to ask yourself too, if she didn't tell you about her (i'm assuming ex?) husbands sperm being saved, what else isn't she telling you? you know? be safe!

 

[momofone08]

I understand the discrepancy now in her telling me the 1wk 4 day and the 3wk 4 day on her blog. Makes sense. And yes, I agree, she had to have planned the IUI as it would indeed require many visits prior so they could do the internals and detect if there was anything over 18mm.
My silly question is this... not so silly really, but had she potentially conceived naturally on say the 30th, would there be anything different that when she went through the IUI procedure? Meaning I guess IF she conceived naturally on the 30th, would there still be eggs to measure after that point and do an IUI? Meaning, is it possible to get pregnant a week before the IUI happens at all? Would the body change or do something at the point of conception, or could she still be considered not pregnant by the doctors and the procedure carried through? I am not so sure she was telling the doctors she was doing anything naturally, as I assume they would then likely ask her to have me there to produce a fresh sample. So I must assume she was telling the docs she had no unprotected intercourse happening.
This is a rather confusing thing to be sure and I appreciate your indulgence. I suppose I am just trying to ascertain if it is possible to get pregnant a week before the procedure and there be no 'tip off' to that ? thanks

If she already ovulated, then the Dr.'s would be able to have seen that ovulation had already occurred when they did the u/sound for the IUI. Your sperm could live up to a week so when the IUI was done on the 7th, I am assuming she ovulated that day, then that would be 8 days so your sperm possibly could have still been there but it is unlikely. An egg lives 24-48 hours, so if you had sex on the 10th then you probably did not catch the egg from the ovulation that occurred on the seventh. Since there is still a possibility I would go ahead and get a DNA test once the baby is born. No judgement, but it is extremely disrespectful that she would get an IUI with another man's sperm and not even ask you for yours. I think you need to run and run fast.

 

[Andy327]

Thanks for the input. Yeah, I am beginning to wonder. I mean I could have given her a specimen with a much higher count. But my question was more theoretical. IF she had her last period on 10/21 and we had sex both on 10/25 and 10/30, and she had her IUI on Nov 7th, if it Could be possible that what she got from me on 10/30 could have done the deed? theoretically speaking. question I was asking beyond that was while she was prepping and did the IUI on the 7th is there any way the medical professionals could have determined if conception had already happened? I apologize if the question is silly and a complete unknown. I know there are so many advancements in this field, but afraid I am a novice as to understanding the complexity of it all and what can and can't be determined.
It's just that she seems so very determined that the IUI is what got her pregnant. Is the method in which ovulation is predicted/induced(?) that accurate? Thanks for the answers. And yes, some therapy is indeed in order. I am emotionally drained by this.

 

[girlinyork]

By her dates the egg was fertilised on the 9th. If she's telling the truth then it's likely to be the iui. But it could be you if her dates are off.

 

[MustBeMummy]

I think they would have been able to tell the egg was already fertilized wouldn't they... if they did an internal scan ....hmm tough one

 

[momofone08]

they can't see a baby until about 5 weeks on an ultrasound, but they would have seen that ovulation would have already occurred. If she hadn't ovulated, then no conception either. I definitely think from the dates the pregnancy is an IUI

 

[Stevensmummyx]

I have no idea how IUI's work so I can't help with that, but I don't think your OH has been fair on you at all! Regardless of how badly she wanted to get pregnant, using her ex's sperm is way out of order, does he not have to still give his consent or something? The fact that your gonna have to wait till tests are done via womb or when LO is born must be horrible! Did your OH mention the IUI before?

As I said I don't have any idea about IUI and I don't want to sound out of turn or disrespectful but could she be using the excuse of an IUI to cover her tracks? It just seems a bit weird is all, I hope you get answers soon x

 

[amjon]

It's possible she was already pregnant as nothing would show on US for several weeks. You'll have to do DNA to know for sure.

 

[Whatme]

Did you and your girlfriend agree that she would use the other mans sperm??
Because if I did that or I think pretty much any other woman on here did that to there partners, then I definitely would be handed divorce papers! That's messed up.. It seems she is selfish and just wants a baby no matters whos it is..
Know I know im not speaking out of terms, feelings may be hurt but.. She she doesn't seem to care about your feeling at all?? Try the counselling and stuff but if she has conceived with another mans sperm, I said run.. And don't look back, find a woman that's committed to bringing your baby into the world, that thinks and cares about your feelings, I would hold nothing but resentment for her..
Good luck. Xx

 

[wantingagirl]

jeesh very disrespectful isnt she throwing how adamant she is it was the IUI to be honest shes lucky you have hung around my hubby would be out the door so fast if I did that to him. Have you found out why she even did it in the first place, very secretive. As for the dates its unusual to ovulate on day 9 but not unhead of and for the sperm to last that long depending when she ovulated but again not heard of and Im guessing they would check for an implanted egg with a scan before the procedure wascarried out but Im sure she can only tell you what happened at the time if she is actually going to be truthful to you. For me I wouldnt know if I could trust anything she says

 

[wantingagirl]

I have no idea how IUI's work so I can't help with that, but I don't think your OH has been fair on you at all! Regardless of how badly she wanted to get pregnant, using her ex's sperm is way out of order, does he not have to still give his consent or something? The fact that your gonna have to wait till tests are done via womb or when LO is born must be horrible! Did your OH mention the IUI before?

As I said I don't have any idea about IUI and I don't want to sound out of turn or disrespectful but could she be using the excuse of an IUI to cover her tracks? It just seems a bit weird is all, I hope you get answers soon x

Thats a good point I dont mean this out of turn either and just trying to be honest as its the least you deserve but can she prove the IUI happened with paperwork or you going back to the doc with her?

 

[oneKnight]

Run!
She's some kind of slimeball to do that behind your back with her ex.

Good relationships have love, care for each other, and respect.
She might "love" you a little, but she doesn't care about your feelings, and she damn sure doesn't respect you. You need a lot more than she has to offer.