girlfriend down

[dbaby]

hi
just wondering if anyone could help.
my girlfriend of 8 months has recemtly found out she was pregnant (big shock for both of us)
At first she seemed ok handeling things well but in the last two weeks she become quite down.Dosn't want to see anyone including me. As she said she just feels like hibernating on a desert island.
I dont know what to do. she won't talk about anything.
should i give her space or try snap her out of it?
should i talk to one of her family ?

Worried father to be.

 

[Becki77]

Hi, Is your girlfriend ready to be a mum? Maybe she feels like she doesnt want to keep the baby but cant say anything to you because she doesnt want to hurt your feelings.
Give her some time and space she needs to think this through herself, you just need to be there for her when she does feel like she wants to talk.
Does your girlfriend have any other children? How far pregnant is she?
xx

 

[nikky0907]

I think she's just hormonal.This is a very unusual time for her,and especially as it was all so sudden.
Give her time,don't push her and be very supportive...
Congrats...

 

[Ann-Marie]

Pretty good advice above
You really need to try and sit down and talk things through, sooner rather than later. I hope things work out for you

 

[studentdad]

Hi
Not sure how much advice I can give but here I'll give it my best shot! It sounds as though things are really difficult for the both of you and it can be really tough as a man when you just want to get some definite answers, solve problems and make decisions but you have to be patient!

There is a good chance that even though a part of her may be feeling happy about bein pregnant she is also feeling overwhelmed by it and quite likely trapped by the whole thing. WHatever effect this is going to have on your life - it will affect her like 100 times more! It is her body that's going to change, her career that will be affected: she is going to become a mother, something she may never have planned for and probably not yet. SHe may also be feeling immensely vulnerable - you have been together for 8 months but you could leave at any moment leaving her to bring up a baby alone. She may need lots of reassurance about this.

Also if she is early on in her pregnancy she may be feeling really rubbish like completely shattered, nauseaous, hormonal etc and really not feeling like engaging with you in serious conversations. What suprised me about this whole pregnancy thing is how such completely different, powerful feelings can be experienced at the same time - that feeling of deep seated excitement along with absolute terror, possibly along with grief for the future you might have had etc it really is amazing! And bear in mind that however you are feeling she has whacking great big dose of hormones to deal with as well!

My advice would be to be patient and understanding. Give her some space and time to deal with it and make it clear that you are willing to talk when she is ready. Maybe talk to 1 of her close friends or sister but only if they know about the pregnancy and just ask them to talk to her - don't talk about her behind her back. Also when she does talk - listen and be prepared that she may say some shocking things (like maybe she doesn't want to be pregnant any more etc - also she may have had previous abortions or miscarriages which she may/may not have told you about). If she is concerned about you running away then reassure her as much as possible. Another thing is to try and do something non-pregnancy related - offer to take her out for dinner and not discuss it - show her that her normal life isn't over now she is pregnant. And you should try and talk to someone about it as well if she isn't - pregnancy is overwhelming for us men too!

Hope this helps and good luck with everything

 

[dbaby]

Thanks for the replys.
she said she wants to keep the baby for sure.
It's her first child and shes 7 weeks pregnant.
she'll make a great mother.
it's just hard for her at the moment (i feel helpless)

 

[Ann-Marie]

Pretty damn amazing studentdad

 

[XKatX]

I agree with the others. It takes ages to get used to the reality of it all. We were trying to conceive for a few months and I was still in complete shock when we did! It took me good couple of weeks to get over my feelings of shock, stress, paranoia and all sorts of feelings. I actually felt quite depressed for a while, even though it was planned. It will take her a while to get her head round things, so as long as she knows you are there for her when she is ready, then you can sort it out together in the long run.

 

[Deise]

Its a lot to take in, so bear with her...Give her the space that she needs, but remain supportive and let her know that you're there whenever she needs to talk...

When I got my BFP, I was shellshocked...It just dawns on you that everything has to change, the responsibility factor kicks in when you realize that it will no longer be just about you, and most importantly of all, I didnt feel like I was "ready" for a baby or the change of lifestyle, so needless to say, I was fairly numb for a few days following that BFP...luckily, I had all the loving support of my OH!

 

[dbaby]

Thanks again for the advice.
some very reassuring things there.

a much less worried dad to be

 

[Becki77]

Wow studentdad thats great advice!
If she is sure she wants to keep the baby you just need to be there for her and support her. Its a strange thing being pregnant, i even had a hate campaign out on my husband when i first found out i was pregnant!! ( we are ok now!!!!)
Its a big shock when its not expected and to be honest i felt like my whole world had crashed down when two lines appeared on the stick! It just takes alittle while for things to sink in and to face the reality that you are both about to become parents.
Theres no need for anything in your life to change, a babys an exciting but scary prospect.Just take each day as it comes and support her.
When you start to tell your family and friends she may find it easier to accept the pregnancy. I hope it all goes well for you in the future, take care xx

 

[Mervs Mum]

Studentdad nailed it.

 

[Rumpskin]

Oh sweety, this is a difficult one.

I would give her some space. Perhaps write her a letter to let her know how you are feeling and tell her that you are there for her when she is ready to talk.

Good luck xx