Girlfriend is pregnant..Confused..

[John]

I don't know really where to begin. So I'm just going to start.

Around 3 1/2 months ago my girlfriend became pregnant. We've been dating for 4 years now, since grade 9. Within the past I dunno year or so my life has just been crap. Problems with school and then snapping on everyone at home, loosing a few jobs and problems passing my licence road test and not even knowing I am even going to pass all my courses and graduate. So it come the end of June and my marks are crap I failed one course and barley passed the rest of them so I got into a fight with my parents, siblings, aunt, uncle and cousin and I just got up and left. I gave up on life. The going got tough, so the tough got going. So I hopped into my car (1985 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme) and just drove off into the evening. The last words that were said to me by my parents were "John, don't do this", the last words said to me by my girlfriend were "Where are you going? When are you comming home? and I'll be waiting here for you". The last words I said to my brother was "Take care of her". Now I didn't know my girlfriend was a few weeks pregnant at the time.
So I take off into the evening and move down to the states. Started living the life I wanted and it was lonely I admit but in a way it was perfect. I was living in a way where I was happy. I got a job working for this auto shop, learned a few tricks of the trade. Then just over a week ago my brother and girlfriend appear out of no where. They came in search of me and the actually tracked me down. They begged me to come home.
Some things happend back home, that was family realated so I came home. At that time my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. I finally came home to tend to family matters and got one of those pre-birth paternity tests and I am the father.
My girlfriend respected her word and waited around for me as well as my brother respected my wished in taking care of her. He has been there for her since I left and has taken her to doctors appointments and just been helping her out as she is now pregant and going to College full time. (I start College in Janurary).
Basically I'm a loser and I've screwed up big time. And I don't really know what to do. I'm stuck in a rut and I can't get myself out of it. Its not just that its that I took off for about 3 month leaving everyone I love and care about at home. Anyways I just need some advice so any is greatly appreciated.

 

[Suz]

Well you are back now, that is the first step. I think for everyones sake, just take it one step at a time. But you are going to be a Father now so that will have to come first. Hope that you can resolve what ever it is that made you leave. Best of Luck, There is alot

 

[bek74]

1st of all I would like to welcome you to baby and Bump. Secondly I would like to commend you on returning home and being here now for your girlfriend.
I know at times as you are growing up and trying to get your life heading in the right direction can be very hard and frustrating at times. WE have all been there.
The best thing you can do is try your best and take each day as it comes to you. Make sure you always communicate with your girlfreind so she understands how your feeling and be there to offer some assurance and support ( and vise versa) Your NOT a loser you sound like a great young man and I believe you will pick yourself up out of this rut, because you want to make something of yourself and future.
I wish you all the best

 

[John]

Thanks for the welcome bek74.

Well I am back and I guess its a good thing. I need to be back not only for my girlfriend but for the stuff thats going on at home. Like my mom is going back to school and not working, my dad had a heart attack by working harder since my mom was not working and now he is not working, my brother and grandma have just been supporting the family, my sister doesn't really understand whats going on she is only 11, then my girl being pregnant + my brother taking care of her and everyone else. So I needed to be back at home. Its these things that make me feel like a loser because if I knew that things were going to be like this I would not have split when I did, maybe I would not have split. Also what makes me feel like a loser is thatI told my brother to take of my girl and he did he has been there for her since I left and has taken her to doctors appointments and just been helping her out.

Right now I just have to start fixing things, and its hard to. I don't have a job and I need to get one, I'm starting College in January. On top of everything I do have friends and other family members upset at me for just leaving.

I know at times as you are growing up and trying to get your life heading in the right direction can be very hard and frustrating at time.

Exactly why I ended up leaving

 

[bek74]

John hun, don't give up and please stop looking at yourself as a loser, your not.
I do know how hard life can be, I was young once and I had to move out of home when I was only 14yrs ( bad upbringing), of course I am now married, in my 30's and have 3 wonderful sons. However the struggle I went through and the disappointments as I was trying to get somewhere were at times overbearing, and yes many a times I wanted to run away from my problems and did on several occassions.
Your not a loser, your human. I am sorry to read your family is going through such a hard time at the moment, but you need to realize you "can't" fix everyones problems for them. you need to focus on getting "yourself" a job and doing what is right by you and your girlfriend. Don't worry about other family being upset at you, I am sure they have made mistakes and felt the same as you at some point in their life.
I wish you all the best and please keep me updated on how things are going and how things are with your girlfriend. I wish her a happy healthy 9mths.

 

[John]

Well I can't give up right now. Basically I can't let this slip the way I let myself slip away from my family, girlfriend and friends for several months. Honestly I'm really scared I'm afraid that I can't provide the right type of life for my new family (gilrfriend + baby) and my family that I'm going to have to depend on my grandma and brother. And honestly I don't want to depend on them. Like my brother has done so much already.
And you know things like this is what makes me feel like a loser. I don't feel like a winner.
Its sad to hear that you had to move out at such a young age but its great that you were able to turn everything around and make everything work out for you. I want to do something like that, its just so hard here. When I was living in the states I had made my life the way I wanted it to be, of course it had its flaws but it was still the way I wanted it to be. I can't move back down there I got a kid on the way, have to try and fix things at home and go to college in a few months.

Your not a loser, your human. I am sorry to read your family is going through such a hard time at the moment, but you need to realize you "can't" fix everyones problems for them.

You are right I am a human being. I know its sad that my family is going through such a hard time and I wish they were not. Makes me wonder if I didn't leave would everything be like this or not? I know I can't fix everyone's problem but I have to try because seeing them like this makes me feel bad because I was away for so long living the life while things were changing for the worse back at home.

You need to focus on getting "yourself" a job and doing what is right by you and your girlfriend.

Thats what I am trying to do. Get a job and stick it out for the next two years, then I will be done college and can get a real job. I am definatly going to stand by my girl, I can't leave her like I did (and it would eat me from inside that she wasn't by my side) I still love her and she still loves me. She said she's gonna wait for me and she did. Maybe I might just ask her to marry me. I just don't if its a good idea or not. Also I'm just scared that trying to do whats right for her and the baby will give a end result of something the total opposite.

Don't worry about other family being upset at you, I am sure they have made mistakes and felt the same as you at some point in their life.

I know I shouldn't but you know they find there way on making me upset.

I wish you all the best and please keep me updated on how hings are going and how things are with your girlfriend. I wish her a happy healthy 9mths.

I will definatly keep you updated. Thanks for wishing her a happy and health 9mths however just to let you know she got pregnant 3 months ago before I split she just didn't know it until a bit after I left.

 

[John]

I've been doing some thinking and I'm gonna marry my girl and after she has the kid I'm going back to the states and taking them back with me. I'm gonna get my old job back and live happy. I can't live here not like this, life really crappy for me. Ohh yeah I got a job as well.

 

[luckyme225]

Goodluck with everything! Sounds like you guys have figured out what you want.

 

[bek74]

John that is wonderful. I am so happy for you that you have found a job, That is so great.

I think that sounds like a great Idea to move back to the states. If you were happier there and you believe you can make it there, then I say got for it.

Keep us updated mate

 

[John]

My brother was able to pull some strings where he works and was able to get them to hire me. Honestly, I don't feel too great about it. I didn't want him to find me a job I wanted to find one on my own.
I guess its good for me to go back. I can go back to my new life and leave this old one behind. I think I can make it down there. If not then I can always come back but, thats now what I want to do. I have a new life where I fit in down there and I am respected. Here I don't really have any friends I'm an outsider so I gotta do what I gotta do.