Girls and friendships

[pixiewicks]

I had a phone call from a friend of my daughters mum, saying my daughter was bullying her daughter and has been for the last 8 weeks, she says she is going to go to their new school and send in a letter of complaint regarding my daughter, they have only been there a week. I was really shocked as at the time of her phoning me her daughter was at the park playing with mine. I pointed out i assumed it was just 11 year old girls they fall out they make up all the time and this is the way they establish their friendships, she didn't agree and felt my daughter was taking other girls away from her. I said i am not sure how my daughter could take other girls away from her daughter my daughter doesn't have that type of power, i also pointed out her daughter was bullying my daughter on a social networking site and I had to take over the conversation, yet i let it go as i knew they would be friends in a couple of days again. I was so upset for my daughter who came in crying yesterday after hearing her friends parents don't want her playing and calling her a bully. My exhusband phoned them back yesterday and asked how they wanted to proceed do they want us to keep our daughter away from her and to not let them play at all, the dad turned around and said no we will see review it in a couple of weeks and then decide whether we will put in a complaint to the school. Today the girl went into school and told my daughter that she wasn't allowed to play outside school with her without a chaperone, i am so mad, for me this has all come as a shock and really don't know where to go from here, whether to phone the mum up and tell her how unreasonable she is being, or just ignore it and hope it all goes away??
sorry rant over

 

[candy3]

I would not allow the other parents to dictate how things will be!!

Is there another friend your daughter can play with outside school? Imo it would be a good idea to remove your lo from the situation if you can, it must be difficult for her

 

[smelly07]

oh for goodness sake!!!

I like above would no way in hell allow the other parents dictate to me when and if my child can play with theirs.

personally i would keep my daughter away from her so called friend and ignore the parents. x

 

[seoj]

Girls that age for sure fall out and make up just as quickly... it shouldn't get to the point where either is "bullying" the other though. Period. I'm not saying that is what your daughter is doing... but it sounds like both girls need to take responsiblitiy for their actions. The Cyber bullying her friend did can be just as mean and hurtful as in person. Neither is OK or acceptable though.

There have been moments off and on through the years with my SD where her and a "friend" had issues... and the friend said something mean to her or visa versa... I think it's up to the parents descretion as when to draw the line. If it's just little spats, then yes, it's "normal" for girls and they tend to get over it after ignoring one another for a while. I woudn't turn another girl into the school for something small like that- especially if the issue occurs while off campus.

Maybe talk to your daughter and get her side of the story- then decide what action to take from there. It's possible the girls got egged on by other girls (as that happens) and they just need to talk it out. I always incourage my kid to be honest about her feelings, but to try to understand where others are coming from. When she does get in her little fights with friends- we talk about where they are BOTH coming from and try to see if from all sides. Then I encourage her to engage the other girl in conversation- without saying mean or hurtful things. And they seem to chat it out and move past it quickly. But some parents have a hard time allowing their children to work things out themselves... they just HAVE to get involved. And there are times, yes, where it's necessary... but usually, I've found, that if I talk it out with my kid- then she is fully capable of working the rest out on her own.

Just my two cents... Best of luck!!!!

 

[Bunnipowder]

If the girls havent got a problem with each other now hence there playing together why cant the parent see that? I would ask to meet the parents with both the kids and ask the kids is there a problem? and go from it there cause at the moment it seems the parents are just snow balling a little tiff.

I would be so furious if some one was trying to paint my child to be something there not x

 

[JASMAK]

I would make sure that your daughter is aware of her responsibilities and make sure she knows the consequences of any kind of bullying. You can't change this other girl, or her family, but you can make sure that your daughter knows what is acceptable and not, and I would probably advice her to not hang out with her in the future.