got a letter from him...

[KaeRit21]

i recieved a letter from fob today. first contact ive had directly from him since he went in to prison just about two weeks ago, despite him being allowed phone calls and him having my number.

in the letter hes stated that hes put me on his visiting list (why? i told him i wouldnt go) and that he'd like to see or hear from me, despite the fact that it took him days and weeks to even TEXT when he was here. he didnt ask how me or baby was but said that he was thinking about us everyday and asked me to give his love to bump!!! this enraged me. LOVE?? he coulda bloody shown some interest when he was here never mind love!!

the rest of the letter is just about him, but to be honest it dont sound like hes changed, hes exactly the same.

i refuse to and visit him, and i will NOT be taking my baby into that.

i just dont know whether to respond to this letter or not. i want to ignore him but hes made me so angry..again...that i want to write him a letter basically telling him to piss off. hes just wrote a complete load of crap, no sorry no nothing.

sorry for the rant...what would you girls do? do i ignore it? or respond??

xxx

 

[Ash_P]

I think u should just do what u think is best suited to u hun. I dont know the full background so cant really say much on what he is like etc.
If i felt I had things that I wanted to say then I would probably rite him a letter, but i totally agree with u, theres no way id be going anywhere near him and I certainly wouldnt be taking the LO anywhere near that place either.
One thing U can be sure of is, if u speak ur mind in the letter and say exactley what u think, u dont run the risk of him landing at ur door shouting the odds.
Is he gonna be in prison long? Do u think he will want to come and see LO once he gets out etc x

 

[purpledahlia]

hmmmm... im not sure,
I agree with Ash i think if you have things to say, to get out in the open and off ur chest then id do it.. if not then id ignore it,
I also wouldnt be taking baby in there, as for visiting, are you a bit tempted to hear what he has to say? or would u rather not?
x

 

[KaeRit21]

thats the thing, he hasnt got anything to say. hes still expecting just to be able to point to little one and play the proud dad n say "thats mine" and i wont let him. hes done nothing for us, and he doesnt want the responsibilty of having to provide anything, and he showed that enough since march.

the chances are hes going to be away a WHILE. (we're talking...good couple of years)..and as far as im concerned hes no longer part of our lives, i still speak to his sister, but if he thinks hes getting out and just getting to walk in hes got another thing coming.

when i opened the letter i really expected some sort of apology, some sort of recognition from him that hed done wrong, and that hed messed up. NOTHING.
he doesnt see anything wrong with not providing for "his" baby, and believe me it wasnt through lack of me trying, i just gave up with him.

its not his baby. he/she is mine. MY BABY. and i will protect them in every way i can, and that includes from him and his lies. hes no good for anybody, let alone me and bump.

part of me wants to go and just say look, no more contact, no more "your" baby. thats it. piss off. rot. your loss. but the other half of me just wants to ignore him and pretend i dont even know him and get on with building a life for me and my baby and move on.

why? why do they have to mess our heads up???

xxx

 

[Ash_P]

I honestly think they get a buzz from it. They certainly dont have that part in there head where they realise they are doing wrong, and I dont think they even feel guilty for the things they put us thru.
But good for u hun, ur sounding very strong, Wish i sounded as focused as u do.
Wanker has shown no support during this pregnancy at all but yet Im still agreeing to let him see it..... WHY ??? I do not know what goes on in my head half the time.
Take a few days and think about what way u wanna play it. Currently I am ignoring ex completely, but he is still checking up on my facebook and bebo so he has a rough idea of what im doing with myself, where as ur ex cant do that. He just cant pop round or wack on the computer and do some facebook stalking.
So u can either ignore his letter and hope it annoys the hell outta him or u can give him death and say exactely what u want to him but whether it hits a nerve or not is a different story.

I HATE MEN!

 

[KaeRit21]

...something youve said just hit a nerve with me actually thanks chick!!!....

ranting wont get me anywhere, hel look at me, and look like hes taking it in....and ignore me. just like the 400 times before.

so SOD HIM. im gonna ignore it. why should raise my BP trying to get through his thick skull. its his OWN fault hes where he is, and that hes lost us. i gave him every chance, my parents (who HATED him and do even more so now) opened the door, gave him the chance to be part of a proper family and he through it back not only at me...but at them.
i hope hes lonely. i hope hes CRIED. the same as i did before my wee one finally made me realise i havent lost anything...ive GAINED. ive got my baby, ive got my life, ive got my dignity....whats he got left now??

things could have been so diff, thats what gets to me...but i refuse to feel sorry for him. ive done everything i can, ive sweated my guts out trying to provide, ive worried myself sick that i cant do this...but in the end, i know i can. because hes not there to mess us up.

i wont let a letter ruin what ive tried so hard to forget and work towards. bugger him. he's the one that wasnt interested...til he COULDNT be. Love?? he wouldnt know what it was if it smacked him upside the head.

no. im done. i walked away and im staying away.


sorry for my rant!!!

xxx

 

[Ash_P]

No probs babe, rant away, Iv done it plenty of times as u know lol
And ur rite, u have gained, Ur getting the most wonderful thing ever, that he can never take away from u (esp from where he is now) so while ur out taking ur wee one shopping, watching it clap for the first time, or laugh, or take its first steps, hes gonna be stuck in her majesties accommodation, looking at 4 walls, and probably cleaning his landing for £8 quid a wk so he can buy stuff from the tuck shop. Oh what a life. Im sure ur green with envy lol
Maybe this is what he needs to realise hes an arse and to give him the kick up the arse he needs. But as always it`ll be too late, and then he`ll see exactly what he put u thru, cause he`ll end up miserable and lonely.

 

[KaeRit21]

exactly...and i can honestly say I DONT CARE...haha. im SOOO jealous. dya think they'd let me move in tooo?



hes messed me around enough and both me and my wee one deserve better. that first smile, first word, those steps, clapping, dancing...all those moments are MINE!! and i cant wait

xxx

 

[tinkabells]

I would respond to his letter stating exactly that, you dont think his changed and you will not be visiting him n prison, as its not exactly the best place to be when your pregnant or taking a new baby, ask him if he wants you to let him know when baby is here or if you want to let him know etc xxx

 

[KaeRit21]

ive sat here this morning reading and re-reading the damn thing and im annoyed all over again.
hes actually wrote it as if the whole being in prison thing is nothing, just a big joke.
i told him wayy before he went that i would NOT be going and neither would MY little one be going any where near that place, its horrible and not the environment i want to have memorys of taking my tiny precious wee bubs.

its actually angered me thats he IGNORED that, and went ahead and put me on his visiting list, and that he hopes to "see me". PFFFTTT!!! he IGNORED me for days and weeks when it bloody well suited him!!!

i dont want him to even know anything about baby, but the asshole has requested that i use HIS surnmae as a middle name. again PFFFTTT. . no way in HELL. i know his sister will inform him the minute ive had baby but it annoys me so much that he STILL thinks its perfectly fine the way hes acted, and that leaving me to provide everything for a baby he claims to "love" is ok.
i dont mind buying everything for my wee bubs, i dont grudge one single pennie av spent, id give my last 5p if it meant i was 5000 in debt but hes just been expecting to be handed baby and let off with it...and hes expecting to get out and walk straight back in. no way. baby wont have the slighest clue who he is. and i wont have him messing up mine or babys head.

i really thought when he went away that'd be it. id get to stop worrying and stressing and just look forward to bubs and concentrate on us and its seems like hes hell bent on attempting to waste my head for the THIRD time over.

i really really dont know what to do. half of me now wants to ring up his sister and say llok im goin next time and thats it, after that no more contact from him and the only reason im going is to tell him straight...and the rest of me wants to rip up the damned stupid badly written letter and forget about it and claim it never arrived!!!

xxx

 

[KaeRit21]

sorry about the rant ....ive yet to tell my mum ive had a letter from him so ive no one else to talk to this about

xxx

 

[asacia]

Just wanted to let you know that I visited my Dad in prison as a kid, it really wasn't a scary or traumatic place, so don't let fear influence your decision.

 

[KaeRit21]

its not to do with fear hun, its simply to do with the fact i dont wanna see him. hes done nothing but lie to me and mess me around and i walked away from the relationship, just like i told him i would.
ive forgiven him every time hes treated me badly and this time i just refuse to do it.

i hate the actual sight of him...and i dont know why i should put myself through that for someone who hasnt shown an ounce of care towards me

xxx

 

[lou_w34]

I personally wouldnt waste my time or effort with a reply...
Everytime FOB would contact me with a load of shit, id always want to reply with a load of abuse back, i did it once and the next day i instantly regretted it, i wished id have taken the higher road and just ignored him. Which is what i do now, and i think the fact that he gets hardly any contact from me just about kills him

Of course its up too you though Just make sure you dont do or say anything you will regret in the long run

They are such arseholes! grrrrrr

 

[KaeRit21]

i think i might just write out a letter and get my anger out...and rip it up.
god he makes me so angry....ive never hated sumone so much in my whole life.

xxx

 

[lou_w34]

Yeah go for it!! And if you find you want to send it then send it too him.
Its so frustrating knowing that they can say/do what they want, and we have to deal with all consequences that it brings!

 

[KaeRit21]

his sister is in the huff with me now...she text me earlier to ask if i had any messages for him as she was going to visit him....and i um...ignored it.

i just dont get why shes also trying to make me feel guilty. she of all people knows i couldnt have tried any harder with him.

some people make me so angry its unreal!!!

xxxx

 

[lou_w34]

Why should you have any messages for him??? Youve done nothing wrong, and you did your best to include him. Its his own fault for being in the situation that he is, he's brought it on himself and now has to deal with the consequences...tough.

Just ignore her. She should no better!

I feel your anger! I hate being so angry all the time!

 

[KaeRit21]

awk i know. im ignoring them all now, him his sister and his "family"

they all think its perfectly acceptable that hes done nothing for this baby, and that i should be running after his ass.

well TOUGH. ive had enough, im a grown person and they're treating me like am about 5

xxx

 

[lou_w34]

Sounds like my FOB, wants to contribute sod all... yet im sposed to run around after him!

There all such tossers!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

xxx