Grieving for an ex. Are my feelings normal?

[youngmamttc]

I just need some advice and cant talk to my fiance about it.

I met my ex when i was 13 and was with him for 5 years until i was 18. Hes my daughters biological father and was my first love. I dont think a first love ever really leaves you. Anyways we split in 2011 not long after his first tour in Afghanistan and i met my current partner who i have a son with and am very happy with. I spoke to him on and off through the years but he had no solid contact with our daughter as his posting was germany. He also moved on and had a fiance but no further children.

Fast forward to March this year and we found out he'd died in Afghanistan on his latest tour there. I have been crushed. Dont get me wrong i love my fiance to bits but i had so many things i needed to clear up with my ex and he was my first love and we have a daughter. He'll always own a part of my heart.

I dont think my feelings are normal though, i feel guilty for feeling them as i should be happy with my OH. Every time i see a picture of my ex i think of all our happy memories and get a huge lump in my throat and have to disappear into another room and cry. Should i be feeling this about an ex even though ive moved on and love my OH to bits?

 

[Caite]

I think it's probably normal. Even though you've moved on since, you were with this man for a long time and have a lot of shared history, especially with him being your daughter's dad.

 

[cncem]

I feel the same way about my ex who was my first love, although I'm happily married and love my husband with all of my being. I don't think you'll ever totally forget about your first love, especially in your case, you have a kid together. It is completely normal how you feel. I'm sorry he passed away. I think about my ex from time to time.

 

[Mummy May]

It's normal Hun. You need a chance to grieve too xx

 

[youngmamttc]

Thank you all for the reassurance. Just feel like as if the grief isn't hard enough I'm being eaten up by guilt x

 

[Gaige]

Oh honey I've got nothing useful to add here but I wanted to leave you a big and tell you that yes, what you're feeling is completely normal.

 

[Ceejay123]

I think your feelings are normal. I don't speak to my ex - He wouldn't let me go and I had to cut him off after a lot of drama over a few years. But I would be heartbroken if he passed. He was my first love - I have no romantic feelings and don't even have a friendship with him. but if something happened to him... I'd grieve. x

 

[tallybee]

Hun it's totally normal to grieve and everything! easier said than done but let go of the guilt. I had a complete mess of feelings when fob died, I'd moved on and had another LO by that stage as well. Be gentle on yourself

 

[sparkle_1979]

I think your feelings are very normal and you've nothing to feel guilty over .. X

 

[jd83]

As the others have said, I def think what you are feeling is normal, hun. He was a huge part of your life for years of your teenage life, you had a child together, so even though the relationship didn't work out, that doesn't mean it's not a huge emotional blow to lose someone who was such a significant part of your life. I think your fiancé would understand your feelings of grief (I'm sure there may be some jealousy there too, but in all honesty, I think its understandable completely that you'd feel grief over this and he should get that). It would probably help to talk to him about it, just to help get those feelings out and work through it.

I know if I had something like that happen, I would want my husband there for me, to support me through it. I know he would realize that he's the one I love, that my feelings of grief would not be some harbored love for someone else, but simply grief over someone I once loved who had been a huge part of my life.