Shinning_Star
WTT for a possible no4???
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2008
- Messages
- 4,417
- Reaction score
- 0
Ok background: my DF's ex -- Step daughter's Mum ; we'll call her XX had an affair with my DF's sister's husband YY. Now my DF's sister and YY had a son who at the time was seven yrs old ( df's nephew) + Step daughter was three years old. XX & YY moved in together and got married so now df's nephew and df's daughter (cousins) live in the same house and are told to call one another brother + sister.
Now none of us agree with it and we feel this is fnot for the good of children, literally to save face on themselves!
Anyway added to this background DF and his sister we'll call her TT were pretty much brought up by their Nan, so are particularly close, and TT does everything for Nan, shopping visits her etc, and my DF doesn't do much tbh but he's a bloke and we never seem to get there often enough with school etc + not driving. ok so now here's the rant!
So df tells me that over the weekend there's been an incident, nephew has told step daughter he gets 100.00 from Nan to put in account. Now nan gives all the children a fiver everytime she see's them and used to buy step daughter clothes when DF was on his own to help him out being a single dad. Anyway step daughter has made it a HUGE issue and said that Nan doesn't love her as much because she doesn't give her that amount of money! (scuse me while I scream! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR) Anyway nephew got a rollocking over all this on the day then step daughter turned on the tears again when daddy phoned her and said the same thing, and nephew got a rollocking again! YY nephews dad phoned up TT and basically had a huge go, then had a huge go at nephew really putting him down and making him feel worthless. (this is what he's doing to his own son! when he doesn't even know the facts as has nothing to do with Nan. once again poor innocent little step daughter is sided with.) Anyway so he's gets absolutely struck down and TT's really upset cos nephew is upset thinks, uncle (df) will never let him visit again cos he upset precious step daughter. Then XX phones df up moaning about it all and df insists that he's sure nephew doesn't get tha much money from nan at all (taking step daughters side saying nephew has a malicious streak.)
I was absolutely fuming, first thing I said was "well he prob does get that amount of money if he see's nan that often and why shldn't he, it doesn't matter, it's not like she goes without from her nan." to which he replied well I don't see that she would treat them so differently. I said " It's not differently, if nephew visits her more often why shldn't she give him money, and she's always brought SD clothes before." DF kinda sighed and said I suppose, then he said well nephew got a malicious streak in him, SO I said " er no, It's not just nephew I think you'll find they all have SD, nephew, etc and my son I get so annoyed with little miss princess being so innocent of blame all the flippin time! She's soooo manipulative and deceitful and well the list goes on!
All last week my son was getting rollacked cos she was causing problems and then I find she's doing to her cousin as well, plus I found a story she'd written with three characters guess what one girl, one little brother and one big brother (which coincidently matches our descrip) and how the little girl always wanted to the boys in trouble and never got told off! hhhmmmmm!
Anyway then I turned to DF and said You know what the worrying thing is babe, she's measuring love by the amount of money, and that comes from YY" He kinda dismissed it, but cld tell he'd taken it in whether or not he believe it who knows.
Anyway now the WHAT THE HELL FOR BIT! I can honestly say as a child I was never worried if one of us got more than another as we always had it made up for us in different ways, we were taught to take responsibility and think of consequences of our action even at a young age now SD is shall we say 9 years old! There's no reason why she shldn't be thinking about that or even just a little bit abt other people.
Also I can say that if my nephew got more than my son or daughter I wldn't kick a fuss up about it, it wouldn't even worry me as I know my Mum, Nan would make it up to them in other ways at other times! It doesn't have to be one or everything one has. Lifes not like that sometimes people deserve more than anyone else, and sometimes hey need less or more and sometimes it's just mde up in different ways!
Another point just this week DF took her to the cinema, didn't take my son cos he doesn't like cinema, he didn't get anything instead of, he just knows that it's not his turn right now and something will come about later. He wasn't bothered. She didn't think about that in the same way did she, didn't sacrifice her cinema ticket cos my son cldn't go. ( I wldn't expect her too but ykwim.)
What did she expect to happen, nan would suddenly turn around and give her 100 quid to put in her pocket, did she forget all the clothes nans brought her, all the times she's given her money when we've seen her! It's the whole thing abt her she's never grateful it does't matter what you do she's never satisfied. previous episodes written abt in journal.
Plus xx and yy why did they make an issue of it, why did they allow her to think nan loves her less, if this had happened in our house it would have been nipped in the bud in seconds. they don't know the facts they don't see that naa, but they jumping in the whole money thing aswell, and cos they made a fuss SD made a fuss, thing is consequences: This cld cause an uproar between DF and his sister, cld really upset nan, cld make nan bitter and think well I'll not give the kids anything anymore, or god forbid feel gulity and give her 100 quid, cos this really wldn't help the morality of the situation, but I guess this is it, isn't it. XX and YY have no morals else why would they have done what they did to begin with. Even worse cld stress her out so much she gets ill over it! WHY did they let it get so out of hand, why did they give nephew such a telling off accuse him of lying and being nasty when they had no idea of the story! I'll bet xx parents spoil SD when there with her and don't give anything to nephew.
Anyway the whole thing really riled me this morning and I just needed to rant, I think it's so sad she's been brought up to measure everything by money, so sad she feels she has to create such a huge row over it by bringing it up three times over to get attention, and sooo sad that because of it i don't get on with her! I'd never treat her differently, and I care about her as a child but every day i seem to dislike what she's turning into and I as step mum have no authority over it at all, and daren't for fear she talks to mummy and causes problems between me, xx, yy, and df! It's such an awful situation to be in!
ANyway thanks for anyone who read it, not sure what I expect people to say, but needed to let it al out!
Now none of us agree with it and we feel this is fnot for the good of children, literally to save face on themselves!
Anyway added to this background DF and his sister we'll call her TT were pretty much brought up by their Nan, so are particularly close, and TT does everything for Nan, shopping visits her etc, and my DF doesn't do much tbh but he's a bloke and we never seem to get there often enough with school etc + not driving. ok so now here's the rant!
So df tells me that over the weekend there's been an incident, nephew has told step daughter he gets 100.00 from Nan to put in account. Now nan gives all the children a fiver everytime she see's them and used to buy step daughter clothes when DF was on his own to help him out being a single dad. Anyway step daughter has made it a HUGE issue and said that Nan doesn't love her as much because she doesn't give her that amount of money! (scuse me while I scream! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR) Anyway nephew got a rollocking over all this on the day then step daughter turned on the tears again when daddy phoned her and said the same thing, and nephew got a rollocking again! YY nephews dad phoned up TT and basically had a huge go, then had a huge go at nephew really putting him down and making him feel worthless. (this is what he's doing to his own son! when he doesn't even know the facts as has nothing to do with Nan. once again poor innocent little step daughter is sided with.) Anyway so he's gets absolutely struck down and TT's really upset cos nephew is upset thinks, uncle (df) will never let him visit again cos he upset precious step daughter. Then XX phones df up moaning about it all and df insists that he's sure nephew doesn't get tha much money from nan at all (taking step daughters side saying nephew has a malicious streak.)
I was absolutely fuming, first thing I said was "well he prob does get that amount of money if he see's nan that often and why shldn't he, it doesn't matter, it's not like she goes without from her nan." to which he replied well I don't see that she would treat them so differently. I said " It's not differently, if nephew visits her more often why shldn't she give him money, and she's always brought SD clothes before." DF kinda sighed and said I suppose, then he said well nephew got a malicious streak in him, SO I said " er no, It's not just nephew I think you'll find they all have SD, nephew, etc and my son I get so annoyed with little miss princess being so innocent of blame all the flippin time! She's soooo manipulative and deceitful and well the list goes on!
All last week my son was getting rollacked cos she was causing problems and then I find she's doing to her cousin as well, plus I found a story she'd written with three characters guess what one girl, one little brother and one big brother (which coincidently matches our descrip) and how the little girl always wanted to the boys in trouble and never got told off! hhhmmmmm!
Anyway then I turned to DF and said You know what the worrying thing is babe, she's measuring love by the amount of money, and that comes from YY" He kinda dismissed it, but cld tell he'd taken it in whether or not he believe it who knows.
Anyway now the WHAT THE HELL FOR BIT! I can honestly say as a child I was never worried if one of us got more than another as we always had it made up for us in different ways, we were taught to take responsibility and think of consequences of our action even at a young age now SD is shall we say 9 years old! There's no reason why she shldn't be thinking about that or even just a little bit abt other people.
Also I can say that if my nephew got more than my son or daughter I wldn't kick a fuss up about it, it wouldn't even worry me as I know my Mum, Nan would make it up to them in other ways at other times! It doesn't have to be one or everything one has. Lifes not like that sometimes people deserve more than anyone else, and sometimes hey need less or more and sometimes it's just mde up in different ways!
Another point just this week DF took her to the cinema, didn't take my son cos he doesn't like cinema, he didn't get anything instead of, he just knows that it's not his turn right now and something will come about later. He wasn't bothered. She didn't think about that in the same way did she, didn't sacrifice her cinema ticket cos my son cldn't go. ( I wldn't expect her too but ykwim.)
What did she expect to happen, nan would suddenly turn around and give her 100 quid to put in her pocket, did she forget all the clothes nans brought her, all the times she's given her money when we've seen her! It's the whole thing abt her she's never grateful it does't matter what you do she's never satisfied. previous episodes written abt in journal.
Plus xx and yy why did they make an issue of it, why did they allow her to think nan loves her less, if this had happened in our house it would have been nipped in the bud in seconds. they don't know the facts they don't see that naa, but they jumping in the whole money thing aswell, and cos they made a fuss SD made a fuss, thing is consequences: This cld cause an uproar between DF and his sister, cld really upset nan, cld make nan bitter and think well I'll not give the kids anything anymore, or god forbid feel gulity and give her 100 quid, cos this really wldn't help the morality of the situation, but I guess this is it, isn't it. XX and YY have no morals else why would they have done what they did to begin with. Even worse cld stress her out so much she gets ill over it! WHY did they let it get so out of hand, why did they give nephew such a telling off accuse him of lying and being nasty when they had no idea of the story! I'll bet xx parents spoil SD when there with her and don't give anything to nephew.
Anyway the whole thing really riled me this morning and I just needed to rant, I think it's so sad she's been brought up to measure everything by money, so sad she feels she has to create such a huge row over it by bringing it up three times over to get attention, and sooo sad that because of it i don't get on with her! I'd never treat her differently, and I care about her as a child but every day i seem to dislike what she's turning into and I as step mum have no authority over it at all, and daren't for fear she talks to mummy and causes problems between me, xx, yy, and df! It's such an awful situation to be in!
ANyway thanks for anyone who read it, not sure what I expect people to say, but needed to let it al out!
