Guilt

[kiki04]

When I found out I was pg, all I could repeatedly say was "Oh f*$%" over and over. Hadlee was a HUGE surprise to both of us. I would keep joking about how crazy we were.. we were done with three, how it was a surprise we didnt plan this etc etc etc

Now I find myself feeling so guilty and wanting to shout out and scream to the heavens.... "I WANT YOU HADLEE I WANT YOU!!! I ALWAYS DID AND ALWAYS WILL!!!" like if I do my baby will come back. I feel soooo horrible about the guilt of my response being "oh f*$@" instead of tears of joy Ugh I hate this roller coaster of emotions. One minute I have accepted things, the next I am anxious to try again, the next I am frusterated cuz time is going to slow before I can ttc then I am amazed at how fast its going from how long its been since Hadlee left us and then I am terrified to be pg, then I am guilty of not being overjoyed... this is ridiculous already... my sweet angel has totally over taken my WORLD! I think about it all day every day, and am becoming obsessed with the idea of another....

Sorry... rant over

 

[SassyLou]

I went through the same thing with the miscarriage I had before we lost Archie. We never planned on having anymore kids, I cried for two days as I was so upset to be pregnant. Then when we lost the baby I felt so incredibly guilty that I didn't want it in the beginning. I think to be honest its all part of the grieving process (guilt) if it wasn't that I'd be something else. I remember thinking when we lost Archie that it was maybe because we'd visited someone who we later found out had a bug or maybe it was because of the steak I'd eaten which was medium rather than well done.

Just remember you did nothing wrong, you love little Hadlee so much and Hadlee knows that.

Love Sarah xxx

 

[SarahJane]

I totally agree with everything sassylou has said.

We all feel guilt, for me it was working too many hours and being to stressed. I believed (and sometimes still believe) that I should have slowed down more. I should have told my employers to get lost. I also should have stood up for my baby and insisted on a risk assessment when I was travelling between 6 locations at 20 weeks pregnant.

Hadlee knows you love him, sadly he was too special to stay with you in person but he will always be in your heart.

Hugs hun xxx

 

[hannpin]

oh ladies I have no words that will make things better so just wanted to send you some xxx

 

[jojo23]

i totally understand where your coming from hun but honestly 4 months on from losing Lily i totally accept there was nothing i could have done and i can never change or turn back time. me and my OH have learned to laugh about things that happened while i was pregnant, i remember the day i told him he went 'oh sh*t...f*ck what'll we do now, suppose we're stuck with each other!' lol just a total shock response out of him because she wasnt planned either.and when we got used to me being pregnant we were even more in love than we had ever been and now there was this little baby to complete us! but just because she never came doesnt mean everything that we had went through was a bad memory because of losing her, it just made the good memories that little bit sweeter.

now we realise that it has totally changed both of us in ways i never dreamed of and i know now i want a baby more than anything because i know ill be a great mother and he'll be a fantastic father.... and im sure you are the best mother you can be and will be again!keep strong hun and dont feel guilty ever, your strong and brave and hadlee would have been proud to call you mummy

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[daopdesign]

don't beat urself up about it hun, it was nothing you did. I'm sick of saying this now coz I say it in my head all the time but "it is just nature's way of ending something that wasn't working out". It's totally normal for all your emotions to be all over the place. Look after urself xxx