Handling raw meat and not washing hands?

[ParisJeTadore]

As a precursor I should mention that my mom suffers from narcissism disorder and is impossible to reason with.

I know I have mentioned this on these boards before but I am looking for new advice because I'm still having issues with my mother. Whenever we go over for dinner she consistently doesn't wash her hands after handling raw meat. She'll touch door handles, items in her kitchen, etc. and then occasionally rinse her hands with water. I am terrified of my kids contracting salmonella or worse and find I cannot relax when we are visiting. I've tried changing out her hand towels but frankly, my kids (3 and 19 months) touch everything and are prone to putting their fingers in their mouth.

I've tried talking to her about it but she got extremely defensive and refuses to see anything wrong with what she does. I honestly don't know what to do anymore and just want to keep my kids safe. Any suggestions?

 

[MindUtopia]

This drives me nuts as well. I'm a scientist and I've studied food hygiene and infection control and I literally can't help seeing risks of serious infection everywhere. I pretty much don't let my husband cook because he isn't as stringent about washing his hands as I am. He's not as bad as your mother. He will wash his hands, but just not as well as I would. I think perhaps other than bringing her some information on risks of samonella and e.coli infection and how much worse (or fatal) in can be in children, there probably isn't much more you can do, except not eat at her house. The good thing is, if she's always been like this and you all haven't gotten sick yet, that's something at least. Could you offer to cook or bring food when you go over as a backhanded way of just keeping her out of the kitchen?

 

[zorak]

This drives me nuts as well. I'm a scientist and I've studied food hygiene and infection control and I literally can't help seeing risks of serious infection everywhere. I pretty much don't let my husband cook because he isn't as stringent about washing his hands as I am. He's not as bad as your mother. He will wash his hands, but just not as well as I would. I think perhaps other than bringing her some information on risks of samonella and e.coli infection and how much worse (or fatal) in can be in children, there probably isn't much more you can do, except not eat at her house. The good thing is, if she's always been like this and you all haven't gotten sick yet, that's something at least. Could you offer to cook or bring food when you go over as a backhanded way of just keeping her out of the kitchen?

But the not eating there doesn't wholly solve the problem. The bacteria could be anywhere in the house the lady has touched. Honestly Im not reactive to a lot of things but I would not take my children into a house with this lax basic hygiene. These bacteria can be quickly fatal to small children so I just wouldn't mess with it.

 

[jessmke]

This drives me nuts as well. I'm a scientist and I've studied food hygiene and infection control and I literally can't help seeing risks of serious infection everywhere. I pretty much don't let my husband cook because he isn't as stringent about washing his hands as I am. He's not as bad as your mother. He will wash his hands, but just not as well as I would. I think perhaps other than bringing her some information on risks of samonella and e.coli infection and how much worse (or fatal) in can be in children, there probably isn't much more you can do, except not eat at her house. The good thing is, if she's always been like this and you all haven't gotten sick yet, that's something at least. Could you offer to cook or bring food when you go over as a backhanded way of just keeping her out of the kitchen?

But the not eating there doesn't wholly solve the problem. The bacteria could be anywhere in the house the lady has touched. Honestly Im not reactive to a lot of things but I would not take my children into a house with this lax basic hygiene. These bacteria can be quickly fatal to small children so I just wouldn't mess with it.

I agree I wouldn't take my kids to her house. I am not a germaphobe by any means, but there are some things you don't mess when it comes to food handling safety.

 

[Bella1185]

Narcissistic mom here too - so sending major hugs - wish I had better advice but I can only imagine what you're dealing with and I definitely sympathize!

 

[ParisJeTadore]

Thank you for your replies. It's nice to hear that I'm not being totally irrational about my concerns. I have already talked to her twice about the meat handling situation. The first two times she got super angry and went so far as to deny wasn't being sanitary (probably a part of her narcissism!) Since then when we go over she has dinner prepared super early so I can't call her out on her lack of sanitation. It was only last weekend that we happened to get there extra early so I was able to see that she wasn't washing her hands and touching everything.

I get really worried about my little ones and it stresses me out so bad. I have no idea how to bring it up with her, again, without feeling like I am throwing myself into the fire, but my children's safety feels paramount.

 

[JumpingIn]

I have a narcissistic mother. Mine is so bad we no longer talk I know how difficult it is

I would honestly take packets of antibacterial wipes over and wipe anything shed touched with her raw meat hands. That's disgusting!

 

[misspriss]

This drives me nuts as well. I'm a scientist and I've studied food hygiene and infection control and I literally can't help seeing risks of serious infection everywhere. I pretty much don't let my husband cook because he isn't as stringent about washing his hands as I am. He's not as bad as your mother. He will wash his hands, but just not as well as I would. I think perhaps other than bringing her some information on risks of samonella and e.coli infection and how much worse (or fatal) in can be in children, there probably isn't much more you can do, except not eat at her house. The good thing is, if she's always been like this and you all haven't gotten sick yet, that's something at least. Could you offer to cook or bring food when you go over as a backhanded way of just keeping her out of the kitchen?

Wow, you don't let your husband cook because he doesn't wash his hands good enough? You probably would not let me or my husband cook either (and none of us have gotten food poisoning)

Anyway for the OP, I would either not visit, or carry around lysol wipes and wipe everything you can think your kids might touch. But honestly, children crawl on the floor, where I'm sure there is tons of e.coli being tracked around by people's shoes, pet's feet, etc. They probably aren't in super danger.

I have the opposite problem with my MIL, she is very cautious. If the children drop a cracker (in the living room, not in the kitchen or bath) she won't let them eat it. We don't live that way at our house.

 

[jd83]

This drives me nuts as well. I'm a scientist and I've studied food hygiene and infection control and I literally can't help seeing risks of serious infection everywhere. I pretty much don't let my husband cook because he isn't as stringent about washing his hands as I am. He's not as bad as your mother. He will wash his hands, but just not as well as I would. I think perhaps other than bringing her some information on risks of samonella and e.coli infection and how much worse (or fatal) in can be in children, there probably isn't much more you can do, except not eat at her house. The good thing is, if she's always been like this and you all haven't gotten sick yet, that's something at least. Could you offer to cook or bring food when you go over as a backhanded way of just keeping her out of the kitchen?

But the not eating there doesn't wholly solve the problem. The bacteria could be anywhere in the house the lady has touched. Honestly Im not reactive to a lot of things but I would not take my children into a house with this lax basic hygiene. These bacteria can be quickly fatal to small children so I just wouldn't mess with it.

Agree with this. If she's not washing her hands after handling raw meats, the germs could be anywhere in the house. Certain types of meats are particularly dangerous, like ground meats and poultry. The bacteria present in those meats can be deadly, or at minimum bad enough to hospitalize you. It's not worth the risk when hand washing is such a simple thing to eliminate the risk after handling those meats.

OP, I'm not sure how you get through to someone like that who sees nothing wrong with such a disgusting habit. I don't even think I could bring myself to eat anything in her home, period, knowing she has those habits. She could pull a cooked dish out of the oven, touch a surface she touched earlier with raw meat hands, and then contaminate the cooked food. Gross.

 

[ParisJeTadore]

Yes, it really sucks. I feel at such a loss. I have thought about bringing lysol wipes with me but she already makes a big deal out of it when I change out her hand towels in the kitchen (includes eye rolling, scoffing and a comment about being over the top).

It extends beyond dinner too. My mom wants them over for sleep overs and I'm just not comfortable with the idea due to her lack of hygiene. The weird part is that she is a clean and tidy person rather off but not when it comes to handling meat.

 

[Zephram]

I'm confused by this... Does she genuinely not understand the reasons you wash your hands after handling raw meat?

Could you buy her some fancy hand soap for the kitchen that she might like to use?

 

[minties]

I was under the impression that Lysol wipes take a while to be effective, same with bleach or anything else like that, it needs time to kill the bacteria - more than we imagine. So probably wouldn't be that effective.

I admit I'm not the best at handing raw meat, my idea of hand washing is probably pretty brief, but I don't prepare raw meats anywhere the kids can reach and don't touch my kids or my face etc after handing meat.

 

[ParisJeTadore]

I'm confused by this... Does she genuinely not understand the reasons you wash your hands after handling raw meat?

Could you buy her some fancy hand soap for the kitchen that she might like to use?

She has lots of fancy soap all over house (including at her kitchen sink), she just chooses not to use it. She told me point blank that there's nothing wrong with what she does and that it isn't harmful. I honestly think it comes from a point of ignorance and once she thinks she is right absolutely refuses to be wrong.

 

[Gwen77]

My mother in law did this at my house one Thanksgiving: She was stuffing the turkey ON my kitchen table, then proceeded to touch everything in the kitchen while looking for utensils, etc. After she left, I had to disinfect the entire space. I was LIVID.

 

[ParisJeTadore]

My mother in law did this at my house one Thanksgiving: She was stuffing the turkey ON my kitchen table, then proceeded to touch everything in the kitchen while looking for utensils, etc. After she left, I had to disinfect the entire space. I was LIVID.

Do you deal with this at all when you go over to visit? Is this a generational thing?

 

[Srrme]

My in law does it too. 😞

 

[Gwen77]

My mother in law did this at my house one Thanksgiving: She was stuffing the turkey ON my kitchen table, then proceeded to touch everything in the kitchen while looking for utensils, etc. After she left, I had to disinfect the entire space. I was LIVID.

Do you deal with this at all when you go over to visit? Is this a generational thing?

I have no idea what it is, lol. No common sense? I asked not to touch everything as she was doing it, but she claimed that Turkey doesn't contain Salmonella and I have nothing to worry about

 

[ParisJeTadore]

My mother in law did this at my house one Thanksgiving: She was stuffing the turkey ON my kitchen table, then proceeded to touch everything in the kitchen while looking for utensils, etc. After she left, I had to disinfect the entire space. I was LIVID.

Do you deal with this at all when you go over to visit? Is this a generational thing?

I have no idea what it is, lol. No common sense? I asked not to touch everything as she was doing it, but she claimed that Turkey doesn't contain Salmonella and I have nothing to worry about

Oh my, totally sounds like my mom! I know with my mom it comes from a place of ignorance but she has absolutely no tolerance for anyone telling her that she should change her ways.