Hanging on with the last bit of hope or let go?

[whoknowsx]

I am going to try to make this as short as possible.

BD and I got pregnant while we were broken up. He decided that we should try again, made a world of false promises, even mentioned marriage. I gave him another chance and one month later we were broken up again.

I've been so heartbroken for the last 5months of my pregnancy. All I ever wanted was a nuclear family for me and my baby. Whats even worse, BD & I already signed a lease when we were together months ago, meaning that as of two weeks ago we now live together. It's more than my heart can bare. I feel like he is having the perks of a family but not committing.

I brought it up to him and he said that he wanted to be with me but he can't see a long term future. He also said that if it wasn't for the baby he wouldn't even consider it as he thinks we are not compatible. He said that he wanted to see how things goes when the baby comes cause his feelings are too complicated. To me it feels like he is dragging me along. He knows how bad I want a family and I feel like he is auditioning us.... I try to understand him having mix feelings as all of this happened really fast and was unplanned for but at the same time I just want my family.

I am trapped in this lease till June and I feel like I can't completely let go until I am free from this physical trap.

 

[Dezireey]

For your own sanity and mental health, let him go. You need to focus on your pregnancy and not get too stressed, too much stress can affect the baby. Sometimes yes, two people can just be incompatible and it's like flogging a dead horse but neither or one person wants to let go because there are still strong feelings there. It's very hard to let go but in these circumstances , to build up emotional strength and heal you have to. Having a family of my own is sometimes what I cling to with my ex, if it wasn't for that, I would have forgotten about him and moved on properly. It's taken time for me but I'm slowly getting there. For me, too much damage has been done from him and there is no excuse for his behaviour, so I know it's best for me and my LO to be without him long term.

Try to work very hard on accepting that you don't need this 'nuclear' family to be a happy person and you will feel better. I think that ideal and the longing for that can make some of us single mums not see the true picture and that is that we are better off without the Father of our kid/s not better with them just for the sake of a dream.

 

[Jennifurball]

Definitely let him go, a baby will test even the strongest of relationships. I have just left my FOB and don't know why I didn't do it sooner because he drained me of all confidence, gave me the impression he was just hanging about until something better came along etc. They aren't worth it.

 

[Dezireey]

Just to add after Jennifer's comment, Yes, I think some men can be a drain on your emotions. I sometimes wonder what the hell I'm actually yearning for when I think of having my own family with FOB. He would have been a useless Dad anyway and would have just driven me up the wall with his constant whining and problems. Hell, I have enough to do and to cope with looking after a baby when I'm nearly 40, dont need extra stuff to contend with. I think you'll be surprised at how a lot of stress and emotional ups and downs in your life caused by him will just go away once you are alone with your baby and working towards a different future.

 

[Jennifurball]

Very true. Although break ups aren't nice and I am not exactly over the moon this has happened, it is just about me and Scarlett now and I don't have to deal with his verbal abuse/mess/laziness/disrespect etc.